Yesterday afternoon a couple of women in my neighborhood, who I run with every month or so, hosted a Baby Shower for another runner friend of ours. His wife is due with their first baby in about four weeks. I’ve known about this shower for a month or so, but it wasn’t until Friday after work, when I swung by Target on my way home in search of a gift off of their registry, that it hit me: This event could be pretty rough on me emotionally.
I’m ashamed to admit that by the time I got home on Friday night, I’d even contemplated making up an excuse to not attend. (I’m feeling under the weather and don’t want to pass it on to a pregnant lady! would’ve done the trick.) But even though my hubs and my Mom each gave me permission to back out, I decided to stop being so overly dramatic. After all, when I’m pregnant (and I WILL BE SOMEDAY!) I’ll want my friends around me. My friend deserved my hugs and best wishes. It’s not his fault I’m having trouble getting preggo!
The shower guests were a mix of running friends and new folks I’ve never met. Two women brought their little babies (11 months and 13 months), who were adorable. Two other women were sporting 6-months-along bellies. That’s a lot of fertility in one room. 🙂 And you know what? I felt genuinely happy for all of them. I made it through A-OK. Maybe it’s because I was so worried it was going to super-hard, but the reality wasn’t awful at all.
Unexpectedly, less-obvious moments in life have the ability to slightly break my heart lately. Like, our downtairs neighbors in our three story/six-apartment building. They’re a few years younger than us and have a one-year old boy. Because it’s a small building, I can hear him crying sometimes when I’m coming or going. I often see his grandparents visiting and taking him out for walks. His stroller is always parked at the bottom of the stairs so I see it every time I exit or enter our building. In my head/heart, it feels like a constant reminder of what I want so badly but am unable to have. Isn’t it terrible how I can make this random stuff about ME?
This morning, my coworker, who’s wife gave birth back in August, came back from his three-months of leave (we have pathetically bad paternity and maternity benefits at work, but he took three months off work unpaid to be with his new son and wife…pretty cool). As you can imagine, my coworkers keep buzzing by his desk to catch up on the little guy and how fatherhood is going. My coworker is a totally nice guy. But darnit if he doesn’t sit 10 feet away so that I’m right in the middle of baby-talk central!
My hubs thinks I’m hyper-aware of babies and pregnant ladies because I’m TTC. He says they’ve always been around, I just never noticed them so acutely. That may be true, but I still think preggers peeps are everywhere—more than usual. I mean, two pregnant women, two little babies and a pregnant guest of honor at a shower with a mere 12 guests? That seems like A LOT, right? I’m hoping all of the fertility rubs off on me. 🙂