It’s good to feel good!

It is pretty darn strange that though we are all far apart living our own lives, hanging with our own friends, hugging our own families, chilling with our own hubby’s, I feel totally and completely connected to all of you. I mean, it’s getting WEIRD. 🙂 I woke up a little giddy this morning because I knew Courtney at RWT and Kate at This Place were finding out whether they got those long-awaited, hopelessly hoped-for BFPs. I couldn’t wait to check their blogs. I checked before I even poured a mug of coffee for myself. This is major stuff!!

They got their BFPs!!!!!!

It’s also weird how it can tug at my heart when my friend talks about getting preggo like it’s nothing, but then I can feel pure, straight-up, 110% joy for my cyberspace buddies. I think it’s because we all know how  emotional and scary and stressful this whole TTC thing is. We’re in a secret club of women for whom pregnancy isn’t “no biggie” but a complicated process. Do you know what I mean? When one of us hits the jackpot, we all feel like celebrating. I don’t feel jealous. I don’t feel sad. I feel good. I feel HAPPY!

Now, all of that said, I have to be honest. After I happy-danced for Kate and Courtney, I sorta had a freak-out moment. Because lurking behind all of my joy and excitement, I felt this teenie tiny sense of fear. (Darnit, fear!) What if my body isn’t as lucky as theirs were? What if Clomid and IUI don’t work for me? What if my cyst doesn’t go away? What if, what if, what IF?

I know those are negative thoughts and I’ve already sailed them on their way in favor of more positive ones (Clomid 50mg did something for me so 100mg should be even better, I get to do IUI next month so all the big guns will be in play, most small cysts go away on their own and since I’m not producing hormones mine should, too). DEEP YOGA BREATHS!

By the time I’d showered up and gotten into work , I was thinking this: I am thankful we got two BFPs in our little family of fighters today. It brings me a rather appalling amount of joy and happiness. (What can I say? You guys rock!!!) And I am thankful because it gives me hope. 🙂  Screw you FEAR, today, hope wins!! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!!

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “It’s good to feel good!

  1. Now YOU made ME cry 🙂 Thank you. I can’t wait to see a similar post from you soon.

    100mg worked for me! Rock on, lady! Next cycle!

  2. I had the EXACT same reaction!!!

    I think that sometimes it’s easier to feel happy for our cyber buddies, because we know all of the struggles that they went through to get here. It’s not like our friends with random facebook announcements– those who accidently get pregnant or are lucky on their first month off of BCP. When I see a woman struggling with IF get her BFP, it feels like a vistory for me!! If they were able to, then surely I can’t be too far behind.

    I must admit that my tears of joy this morning, briefly turned to tears of fear– what if it never happens for me?? BUT, then I remembered that I have my first RE appointment on Monday and I haven’t even done a medicated cycle yet (other than progesterone) so there are so many options for me to try in the future. Surely one of them will work!

    Nothing but love for these lucky ladies this morning! And Egg, I bet you’re not far behind!!! XOXOX.

  3. YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I can’t say that enough! I loved the post! You have valid reason to be scared, BUT it won’t do you any good. Being scared just gives you something to do. Instead, be excited that you get to play with hubs so much this month! We are waiting for you!!! Clomid did work for us!
    Being scared doesn’t stop. Now I am scared that the baby won’t stick, that I could miscarry. Geez make it stop!! Its a whole different world of worry.
    That is for a post of my own! Love you friend!

  4. hollytraveling

    You know today, I was trying to fight off bitterness because I found out yet another friend is pregnant. Not that I’m not happy, I am, but they only decided a month ago to start trying, and well, I couldn’t help myself. Then I read this post and I went to Kate’s blog and watched her video and I cried in joy. Thank you so much for posting this. I know the fear, I live in the fear, and it’s stories like this that bring the hope.

  5. I totally get this post – First, that I find myself MORE excited about my virtual friends’ BFPs than my IRL friends. I will always have a special place in my heart of joy for those who struggle to get pregnant. Second, I share the same feelings of fearfulness that a happy pregnancy announcement post will never be mine. But, despite the what IFs, we have LOTS options available to us and I know that we will both be there soon!

  6. BTW, I LOVE Fleet Foxes. Saw them at Lollapalooza this past summer…so good.

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