This and that, a rambling post

I don’t have much to add today, but I had to get that yucky headline from yesterday’s post off of the top of the page. 🙂

After I got the message with my results yesterday afternoon, I called back the nurse to discuss my lining. She said something along the lines of, “Good for you for asking the exact right question, because that’s what we’re very concerned about.” Oh really? Then why not address that in the message?! Whatever, I’m over it. This particular nurse is so nice: I’m thinking she simply didn’t want to get me worked up about my lining if I wasn’t clued into the fact that it was an issue. Or something.

So, the nurse said at this point Dr. C doesn’t want to prescribe Estrogen or Progesterone, but that he may after my Wednesday monitoring appointment. Basically, a lot depends on how tomorrow’s ultrasound goes. Will my follies continue to grow? Will my lining magically decide to get with the program and thicken up a bit? (I sure hope so, but I am keeping expectations realistically in check.) I guess if my follies are coming along, potentially we could do the trigger shot on Wednesday or Thursday. And then, obviously, just have “relations” since we’ll be traveling and unable to do the IUI on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. In this scenario, Dr. C would probably start doping me up on hormones to try to get the lining to “fluff up” (love that!) in time for implantation, should conception occur.

However, the follies may not come along, the lining may stay at 2.3mm, and that will be that for this cycle. In this scenario, I imagine they will put my back on my old friend Provera in a couple of weeks to officially end the cycle.

But seriously? I’m already looking onto the next cycle. It’s really hard to continue clinging to the hope that “if this, then that, and then this, and then if that….maybe maybe MAYBE this cycle could work.” You know what I mean? It sucks to write it off, but I also can’t allow myself to hope when the chances are so low. Now that they know Clomid thins my lining, they’ll probably put me on an Estrogen patch from the get-go of the next cycle, to counteract that side effect. I just hope we can move forward into the next cycle without another break due to a residual cyst.

I’m trying SO HARD not to be frustrated. Clomid gives me none of the annoying side effects that don’t actually AFFECT my chances of getting pregnant (headaches, sweats, mood swings, etc.), instead it givse me all of the negative side effects that PHYSICALLY prevent me from getting pregnant (thin lining, cysts, slow-acting follies, etc). Yesterday was a rough day. I try my darndest to not get too wrapped up in any cycle, and to keep blinders on when the bad news arrives, but it never fails to rock my world. The amount of frustration, disappointment and heartache this process has brought upond me is staggering. Newsflash: I want to be pregnant so freaking badly.

With all of this drama (ha!), I have barely had time to think about Christmas. It is SO UNLIKE me! I am a Christmas-loving goofball. I’m hoping I can rekindle some of the holiday spirit soon. 🙂



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6 responses to “This and that, a rambling post

  1. It is so hard to stay positive when it seems like there are so many things that need to fall into place…but it can happen. Best of luck at the ultrasound tomorrow!!

  2. Secret Sloper

    Sometimes we need to mentally skip to the next step to keep our sanity. And sometimes that’s when good things happen. But sometimes not.

    I hope you get good news at your next appointment.

  3. Al

    It’s so hard to mentally prepare yourself for each appointment and each possible outcome every cycle…so many times I feel like the outcome I never even considered often happens (elevated FSH) while the things I do worry about (having crap lining and no follies) don’t happen. I guess just all this to say…it’s so tough and frustrating and I feel like I can never prepare myself mentally for the ups and downs. Like you, I find that it’s softens the blow if I focus on what happens next if this doesn’t work out and what have I learned from this cycle that will increase my chances next cycle. This is what I’m TRYING to do…but…it’s always easier said than done.

    I hope things turn around at your next appointment and you get to try this month! Have a fantastic Christmas!

  4. I hope that you have a good outcome at your next scan. I get a thin lining from clomid as well. Never done the patch though.

  5. Ok sending you two things. 1. big follies for tomorrow 2. Egg’s Xmas spirit!!!
    Dear Santa,
    Could you grant these two things for Egg, so she can get pregnant for 2010!
    Her bestie!

  6. wishing you the best!!!!

    i also hope that you are able to get yourself into the Christmas spirit 😉

    ICLW hugs!

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