Down go the decorations

The holiday season is officially over in the Egg household. Wah wah wah. Last night after work I took down all of our ornaments, the cheerful carolers that sit atop our mantel, our Christmas tree coffee mugs, all of the holiday cards from friends (many with pics of newborns, natch) our nutmeg-scented candles and our beautiful tree. I boxed everything up and carried it all down to our storage room in the basement of our apartment building.

I wasn’t at all sad while doing it, but I did miss seeing the pretty white tree lights when I got out of bed this morning. (Have I mentioned I looove the holidays? :)) Still, it feels good to have a fresh start! It’s a new year filled with hope and optimism. Time to move on from 2009 and embrace 2010. Yip for 2010!

So, here’s the 2ww update. I’m 11DPO. My temps are looking good, but let’s be honest folks, temps look good until they look bad. 🙂 I have sworn myself off Google so my only connection to the world of TTC is via blogs (I’ve also been re-reading Al, Courtney and Kate’s 2ww posts). I’m seeing lots of women with 2ww symptoms. I, on the other hand, seem to perpetually be almost totally symptom-less with TTC stuff, from ovulation pain to period cramps. Any time I think I might have a tingly feeling in one of my breasts, it immediately goes away. It’s wishful thinking. And I know that. Fortunately, I haven’t been tormented by many phantom symptoms. Although hope bubbles to the surface here and there, I immediately try to quell it with realistic thoughts. My lining sucked. Why would this work? I’m not trying to be an Eyeore, I’m just bracing myself for what’s ahead.

I’m actively trying to be Zen and chill and whatever! this cycle and it’s mostly working. Although pregnancy thoughts whir in the back of my head 90% of the time, I’m pretty much not engaging them or allowing them to overcome me. I’m going about my day and breathing and doing my job and hanging with my hubs and cooking and cleaning and watching LOST DVDs and reading and smiling and sleeping soundly and seeing friends. I’m living my life.

The RE’s office asked me to take an HPT on Thursday, which is 13DPO. Last time I did Clomid (weak ovulation), my period came 12DPO (tomorrow). So who knows if I’ll even make it to Thursday and get to test. Then again, I haven’t had enough cycles to know what’s normal, so maybe I’ll get strung along for a few more days. Whew, Negative Nelly much?! I don’t feel “negative,” just realistic. I can’t help it: My defense mechanism is in full force as I approach crunch time. This is my first 2ww, since it’s the first time I’ve ovulated since TTC. It has been quite the experience! It feels like I’m some sort of wacky science experiment—physically and emotionally.

But, my chin is up and all is well. 🙂 And so, I wait!

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “Down go the decorations

  1. You can do it, lady! Only a few more days. I hear you on the “reality” defense mechanism. It comes in handy most times. But don’t talk yourself into a negative state… let a little hope live.

    I so, so, so hope this month is it for you, thin lining and all. Plenty of women with a lot more medical issues going on have gotten pregnant, so crazier things have happened. That said, if it’s not, it sounds like you’re in the perfect state of mind to try again next month, armed with the new info you learned this time around.

    Hang in there!

  2. I’m in the exact same place as you! 10dpo, although my LP is more like 14 days, so I’m going to hold off until at LEAST Sat to test, provided I don’t get my period before then.

    I had a P4 test on CD23 which came back at 2– but my temps suggest that I ovulated CD28 & I didn’t go back in for more blood work. They asked me to come in on CD35 for a progesterone shot to bring on AF, but I didn’t go, since I saw that I ovulated… figured it would come on it’s own.

    No real symptoms here either… breasts are a little sore, but that could be AF preparing to come…

    Fingers crossed for us both this cycle!!

  3. P.S. Would love to stalk your chart if you have a link!

  4. That’s great about your temps. That and your awesome progesterone number are definitely GOOD things! I don’t temp, so I’m totally in the dark about how my cycle is going. Hang in there, just a few more days!

  5. Red

    Everyone feels different in the 2ww. Being positive or ‘negative’ emotionally doesn’t make the outcome any different, and probably doesn’t make a BFP any better or a BFN any worse.

    We just have to wait.

    Good luck!

  6. hollytraveling

    I feel your pain. LOL on the breast tingling. One thing this year has brought me is a much stronger connection with my breasts (“was that an ache?” “are they swollen”). My lining is also bad this month. Took my Ovidrel shot yesterday. Stay positive. Wishing you the best!

  7. You are doing great in the 2ww. The waiting is the worst, but your Zen state of mind and staying a busy bee definately helps!! I’m so hopeful!!

  8. Al

    Ugh, I hate those last few days of the wait. They take for-ev-er. Hang in there, try to stay zen if at all possible. I’m hoping for good news for you!

  9. Tarah

    Oh I was hoping to see an update today! Is that good news or bad news? I have a lot of wishful thinking myself during my 2ww – I’ve started to realize there may be other reasons I’m feeling anything pre-pregnancy related besides being pregnant and telling myself that. I hate the 2ww – I hope when our daughters are at the TTC age they will know much sooner than two weeks!

  10. Pingback: Nosedive « Such A Good Egg

  11. I’m obsessed with Lost!! I’m going to start to re-watching season 5 during my last fews days of the tww. If anything can keep my mind off all things pregnancy…it’s Lost! Sending good vibes your way, hang in there!!!

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