The holiday season is officially over in the Egg household. Wah wah wah. Last night after work I took down all of our ornaments, the cheerful carolers that sit atop our mantel, our Christmas tree coffee mugs, all of the holiday cards from friends (many with pics of newborns, natch) our nutmeg-scented candles and our beautiful tree. I boxed everything up and carried it all down to our storage room in the basement of our apartment building.
I wasn’t at all sad while doing it, but I did miss seeing the pretty white tree lights when I got out of bed this morning. (Have I mentioned I looove the holidays? :)) Still, it feels good to have a fresh start! It’s a new year filled with hope and optimism. Time to move on from 2009 and embrace 2010. Yip for 2010!
So, here’s the 2ww update. I’m 11DPO. My temps are looking good, but let’s be honest folks, temps look good until they look bad. 🙂 I have sworn myself off Google so my only connection to the world of TTC is via blogs (I’ve also been re-reading Al, Courtney and Kate’s 2ww posts). I’m seeing lots of women with 2ww symptoms. I, on the other hand, seem to perpetually be almost totally symptom-less with TTC stuff, from ovulation pain to period cramps. Any time I think I might have a tingly feeling in one of my breasts, it immediately goes away. It’s wishful thinking. And I know that. Fortunately, I haven’t been tormented by many phantom symptoms. Although hope bubbles to the surface here and there, I immediately try to quell it with realistic thoughts. My lining sucked. Why would this work? I’m not trying to be an Eyeore, I’m just bracing myself for what’s ahead.
I’m actively trying to be Zen and chill and whatever! this cycle and it’s mostly working. Although pregnancy thoughts whir in the back of my head 90% of the time, I’m pretty much not engaging them or allowing them to overcome me. I’m going about my day and breathing and doing my job and hanging with my hubs and cooking and cleaning and watching LOST DVDs and reading and smiling and sleeping soundly and seeing friends. I’m living my life.
The RE’s office asked me to take an HPT on Thursday, which is 13DPO. Last time I did Clomid (weak ovulation), my period came 12DPO (tomorrow). So who knows if I’ll even make it to Thursday and get to test. Then again, I haven’t had enough cycles to know what’s normal, so maybe I’ll get strung along for a few more days. Whew, Negative Nelly much?! I don’t feel “negative,” just realistic. I can’t help it: My defense mechanism is in full force as I approach crunch time. This is my first 2ww, since it’s the first time I’ve ovulated since TTC. It has been quite the experience! It feels like I’m some sort of wacky science experiment—physically and emotionally.
But, my chin is up and all is well. 🙂 And so, I wait!