Control, how I miss you

Today I feel more like myself than I have in a looooong while. I met some girlfriends for Mexican last night. I got up early and went running this morning. (YAY!) I wore my favorite red and yellow plaid shirt to work today. And I am SO excited for the weekend (even if I’ll be working from home for most of it…better than my office cube) and pretty thrilled I have Monday off work. It’s the little stuff, right?

I hope I can keep this happy vibe going!

This morning I got a ridiculously awesome invitation to take a work-related trip to California from February 13–15. On the one hand, it’s a SICK, pretty much once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me personally and professionally (not to be cryptic, but it involves meeting an Olympian!). On the other hand, I have no idea where I’ll be in my cycle at that point and I don’t want to be out of town when I need to be home in case of monitoring. Sigh. If push comes to shove between this once-in-a-lifetime opp and getting preggo….I choose getting preggo (er, trying to). And that feels weird…or wrong…or just stupid.

The plan is to be on five days of Provera starting January 28, which, if I cycle like last time, would make my period arrive on February 6. That should actually give me the all-clear for being away cycle days 8–10, since I don’t trigger until CD14. (That’s if I’m on Clomid, all bets are off if we rachet it up to injectables.)

But but BUT….I’ve tried controlling my cycle with Provera in the past and learned that it doesn’t really work. This is all complicated by some other upcoming trips that we DO have to take. It’s not just a matter of postponing baby-making for a month so I can go do my neato Cali trip, we could be in for several months in a row of bad timing due to travel, so I’m reluctant to let go of February. Hubs has his little bro’s bachelor weekend coming up (either end of Feb or mid-March). And then we’ll be at his wedding in April. We have FIVE, yes FIVE, more out-of-town weddings from April through July. Whether this Cali work trip is an actual option is not a sure thing at this point anyway, they’re just feeling people out. So we’ll see….I’ll cross the bridge if I do come to it.

Man, I miss the days when I had control over my schedule—no IF complicating everything.

And now to completely change the subject: Thank you all so much for your thoughts and comments on the HSG procedure; I really appreciate it. Sounds like it’ll either realllllly hurt, or it’ll be no biggie. 🙂 So just in case, I’m taking Thursday afternoon off work. Dr. C is actually doing the procedure, which the RE office says is unusual but great. Once I heard that I got excited about asking him some questions about my treatment plan before our consult….but A pointed out that I’m going to want to focus on my yoga breaths during the test, not chit chat about Clomid and my lining. 🙂 Fair enough! I’ll post the recap later next week.



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10 responses to “Control, how I miss you

  1. Tarah

    haha – we all miss the control of just doing and going whenever we wanted. I remember DH was gone for an extended boys weekend and all of a sudden I got fertile CM. I actually asked him if he could come home early! haha. Poor guy – I think he was torn.

    I hope this HSG procedure goes well. And that if there is pain involved – it’s worth it for good news!


  2. Oh wow. I dont remember what control of my body was before pregnant and especially now!!
    We all have a little OCD about control huh!?!?
    I’m so glad you got to run this morning. One step closer to clearing your funk!

  3. Argh, I hate those timing conflicts. The thought of missing one cycle (let alone multiple ones on a row) is such a blow! I’m sorry and I hope you get the CA trip figured out….and that the cycle falls into place nicely. And here’s to hoping you only need to worry about ONE!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  4. Al

    The lack of control over my schedule drives me crazy as well! I felt so free after it finally worked – like yay, we can actually PLAN things, but THAT was short-lived. Back to the ole infertility ball n chain. Blurgh.

    If only all we needed were our husbands to get KU, things would be much simpler! Hope you have a great weekend.

  5. JC

    Ahh yes…the loss of control. It sucks!!! I hope things work out schedule wise, it sounds like a good opportunity and it would be great if you didn’t have to choose. Have a great weekend!!! =)

  6. I hear ya on the control thing…it totally sucks to worry about how vacations, weddings, and life in general may possibly interfere with baby making. The trip to Cali sounds abs amazing, and I say go for it, no matter the cycle days. One month won’t make a difference. However, I do understand, as someone faced with two months of conflicts starting next month.
    Yay for Mexican and yay for running…it’s finally decent enough weather to run outside!

  7. I’m with you about the control issue. I have to be in control of everything, so to not be in control of ANYTHING anymore really sucks. It’s annoying. We are already getting pressured about going to a wedding in October, and I refuse to put our baby making on hold so we can go. It’s just priority #1 now.

    Good luck with the HSG! I hope it’s quick, painless, and has good results. 🙂

  8. LTB

    hmmmm….seems to be a pattern that a a lot of us IFers are CONTROL FREAKS!!! (possible research study..Type A and Infertility???)
    So happy that you are finding some peace with your running again!

  9. I totally understand choosing a possible baby over a once in a lifetime opportunity. Last spring, I was on a trip to Vegas with my girlfriends, and I found out I was ovulating. I dropped everything (and an additional $250) and flew home. It seems silly, but I had to do it.

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