I am four days away from finishing up my BCPs. I’ve felt a little more chill lately mostly because I can’t feel that 27mm cystie as much as I could earlier this month. It’s funny though, because AS I TYPE THIS, I suddenly totally feel like it’s there….throbbing and achey, just hanging out. Soooo, I have no idea if it’s gone or not. Sigh.
This post has been bubbling inside me for a little while now. I hope I say this correctly and don’t hurt any feelings here….please know this is about me and my personal frustrations. I have spent a lot of time this week being annoyed about being on the sidelines. And yes, you already knew that I’ve been really bummed about doing nothing toward TTC the past two months, but I mean really annoyed. Why? Well, to be honest, it’s the double-edged sword of blog-land. I wonder if others have experienced this? While I have learned SO MUCH and become a better-informed patient and more sensitive IFer by reading other IF blogs, sometimes being a good little reader has a dark side. Like when I read BasicGirl and FertilityChick’s posts about how their REs were letting them cycle through their friendly cysts.
No fair, I want to cycle too! I’ve been twiddling my thumbs since right after Christmas!
Now don’t get me wrong. I would never, ever, ever wish a break month upon anyone. Taking BCPs when you’re raring to take some Clomid and to try to make a baby is a shade of devastation I want to shield every IF bloggie from ever experiencing. I am thrilled that these awesome girls are happily cycling away right now. (And I’m sending them major BFP vibes!!) It just made me soooooo frustrated that Dr. C has such a different protocol with friendly cysts. It’s been one of those silly “life isn’t fair” situations and I know it doesn’t matter how I feel about it. My job is to follow MY doctor’s orders and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I keep reminding myself that HE is the doctor here. He is treating me. He is privy to alllllll of the various components that go into a decision about whether or not to let me cycle. We are all different, and I have to believe he didn’t make the decision without some thought.
Anyway, I’m mostly (haha) over this discrepancy since I’ll take my last BCP on Thursday. Then I’ll wait for my period. I’m hoping she comes next weekend. And then hopefully I’ll go in for baseline monitoring early that week. And hopefully that darn cyst is gone and I can finally join you bloggies in cycle-land.
If it’s not gone, I’m going to go all bold and demanding Egg on my RE’s office. I’ll demand they have Dr. C call me. I’ll tell him I either want him to drain it or let me cycle through it. (Anyone ever had a cyst aspirated?) I’m going to have to be loud and firm and convincing! I’m really, really hoping it doesn’t come to that. But I know better than to get my hopes up. So we’ll just have to see!