Girls weekend

Thank you all so much for the awesome fashion feedback on the dresses in my previous post. I got pretty much obsessed with the gold, long Milly one, only to discover yesterday that “it’s no longer available.” Eh. Major bummie. I had visions of me with self-tanner–bronzed skin, blown out hair, sculpted arms (I’m hitting the weight room these days, gotta ditch this extra pudge), looking good DESPITE the demons of IF hiding inside of me. Dreams dashed! (Haha.) I’ll let you know what I decide. 🙂

Speaking of girlie stuff, I have a fun distraction this weekend. My Mom is coming to town! I’m taking tomorrow off work and we’re spending the next three days shopping, having tea together, visiting museums, getting massages and hitting some fun restaurants. I am really excited to see her, it’s been a long time since we had a weekend together, just the two of us. (Hubs is flying to his little brother’s bachelor weekend so he will not have to endure the extreme girliness!)

So if you don’t hear from me for a couple of days, that’s what’s up.

In other news, I took my last BCP this morning. Wait, let me try that again. I TOOK MY LAST FREAKING BCP THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to crack open a new pack…I took 22 instead of 21, in the hopes that my CD11 monitoring lands the day after I get home from my work trip in March. I know I’m getting ahead of myself…that cyst may put a wrench in my plans. (I’m pretty sure I can feel it.) But, as I said before, I’m going to be firm and tell Dr. C we need to go ahead and drain it if it’s still hanging out. I have no idea how that all works, but hopefully he can do it within a day of baseline monitoring so I can get this show on the road! I also know the timing is a little up in the air because I’m not totally sure when my period will show up. If it’s like it was for the 10 years I was on BC, it should arrive on Sunday. That would be amazing. But, we’ll just have to see.

I am already having flashes of fear about this cycle, but I’m doing my best to stay “in the moment” and Zen. Hubs and I were cooking dinner together last night and he was like, “What’s up with you, you’re in a weird mood.” I was totally in my head. I am still feeling frustrated about all of the time that has passed while I’ve been waiting on the sidelines. I’ve watched a few bloggies get pregnant (yay!), many have multiple 2wws, etc, go through full IVF cycles, etc etc etc. Hubs said, “But you’re at the end, your wait is almost over!” It’s true, after two long months of waiting and watching and reading and reflecting, I’m finally almost back in the game. It feels good. But it also feels scary, because I know if this cycle doesn’t work, I will likely have another long wait before I can try again (what can I say, I’m prone to cysts). It’s a little extra pressure.

But honestly, it’s just this intense desire to have this WORK. To be pregnant. To begin starting our family. I am ready and waiting. I hope with all of my heart that we can be blessed with this new protocol Dr. C is putting me on.

“I just want it to be over,” I told hubs. “I just want to move forward. I want to be pregnant. I want a baby. I want to feel the relief that this chapter of my life is over.” My sweet hubs. He just folded me up into arms and squeezed me tight and kept saying, “I know you do.” That’s all there really is to say, right? (He’s the best of ALL eggs, my friends. 🙂 )

Okay, that’s the end of my all-over-the-map update. Peaceful, happy, non-racing-heart days to ALL OF YOU!

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “Girls weekend

  1. Gotta love husbands – they just know what to do sometimes to make you remember you married your best friend and partner in life.

    Bummer about the gold dress, hopefully it’ll be back in stock soon or you can find something that looks close to it.

    Have a WONDERFUL weekend with your mom, it sounds like a lot of fun! 🙂

  2. Secret Sloper

    Oh, you would have looked great in the gold dress. Maybe you can find something similar.

    YAY! for cycling soon. I’m so excited for you 🙂

  3. Hooray for the last day of BCPs! I’m thinking good thoughts for you! 🙂

  4. Yay for the last days of BCPs! And yes, your hubs is a good good egg. 🙂 Nothing feels better than the support of the man you love.

  5. Seriously, it’s time for you to get pregnant already! I can see what you mean on the pressure front. I’m already anticipating how crazy -desperate I’ll be by the time I can try again! In case the cyst is still there: I’m sure you’ve googled like mad, but Johns Hopkins has a good page here . I’m hoping your clinic can do the transvaginal kind, ’cause the lap kind would presumably require some mild recovery time. (Though not necessarily a loss of time–I did IUI right after the lap.) I was also thinking you could post a request for info on LCFA–there might be women who don’t read you who know all about it! I was thinking of doing the same for my surgery. ANYWAYS! Have a great weekend.

  6. JC

    Dude major bummer on that long gold dress! You should try to find something similar. =)
    That’s awesome you’re having a fun girly weekend with your Mom! Those are the best! I think I’m having lunch and maybe shop a little with my Mom on Saturday. =)
    I’m very excited you took you last BCP! I can’t wait for you to start this cycle. Try not to think about how much time you lost or had to sit out. Just tell yourself you’re doing the best you can and you’re doing everything you can do. I had a lot of problems like that a while ago and early on in IF.
    I just want this to be over with too and I want to hold my baby and look back at all of this!!! But I want it NOW!!! =) Have a great weekend!

  7. Heck yeah for LAST BCP. I know you are going to have a great mama time!!

  8. Last BCP!!!! I hope your weekend is even more enjoyable with the knowledge that you’ll be back in the game in no time.

  9. I know how you feel when you say “I just want it to be over.” I second that emotion. None of us are here pouring our hearts out because we want to be going through this… I sooooo hope it’s over for you soon. Be gone, cysty!!

  10. You do have a terrific husband. I’m glad he was able to soothe you a little.

    Have a great weekend!

  11. hollytraveling

    Well, I didn’t put my fashion advice in but like everyone else, loved the gold dress! Though, I will say the Kate Spade skirt was a close second. Odd for me, but it is really cute.

    I know that you’re going to be back in the game real soon. It will happen. And here’s the deal, you are truly a good egg and you married one, which means IT WILL happen for you. If it doesn’t, well that’s just a gross injustice and I will definitely write a letter. To whom, I don’t know. But I will.

    Have fun this weekend!

  12. Yay for finishing the BC pills – I really really hope you get the go-ahead to cycle this month!! You have waited long enough. Something I forgot to mention to you earlier…my RE said that if my cyst was still there, but not bigger, consecutive months, to him that means the cyst is totally harmless and he would let me cycle. My cyst is/was a bit smaller than yours, though. And, as you mentioned before, our Drs. have information about us that we may not know or understand (ahem, although I think I’d make a pretty decent RE at this point). Anyway, hope that cyst is completely MIA and this is YOUR cycle!
    Yay for mom-daughter weekend! Hope you have a blast!!

  13. Stopping by to say hello from ICLW blogroll, well done on finishing the pill, sure we all know this road seems never-ending and for some (me!) is definitely longer than for others, but I truly hope you won’t have to wait long at all to move to your next chapter. All the best, Fran

    ICLW #51

  14. K

    Wohoo! I’m sure it’s a big relief to be finishing up the BCP. Fingers crossed the cyst is gone. I know it has to be frustrating to have nothing going on due to a stupid cysts. Darn. Stupid. Cysts. 😉

  15. Good vibes, good vibes, good vibes! I’m thinking of you!

  16. Oh my gosh, your weekend sounds so amazing!! I hope you enjoy it to the brim.

    I know what you mean about being “in your head.” It’s easy to slip in there and think about everything in depth. I think it’s good to do, too, sometimes. Wishing you all kinds of crazy good vibes for this coming cycle!!

  17. Have the best time this weekend, sounds like tons of fun and maybe you can find an even more fabulous dress!!! I also hope it ends with AF showing on Sunday just like she’s suppose to!!! Then you can get really get this show on the road, it has been way too long for you and I just know you’re going to be back in the game before you know it, and be twwing with the rest of us! You’re so so close!!!

  18. Love your plans for a girl’s weekend! Sounds like an awesome little escape from ‘infertility world’! I just added your link! Happy ICLW! And good luck with your upcoming IUI!

  19. A girl’s weekend sounds fabulous. Hope you find an alternative to that gorgeous gold dress. And, finally, wishing you the very best of luck with this cycle.

    ~ICLW

  20. I hope you have a wonderful weekend with your mom! It sounds like a lot of fun!

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