Thank you all so much for the awesome fashion feedback on the dresses in my previous post. I got pretty much obsessed with the gold, long Milly one, only to discover yesterday that “it’s no longer available.” Eh. Major bummie. I had visions of me with self-tanner–bronzed skin, blown out hair, sculpted arms (I’m hitting the weight room these days, gotta ditch this extra pudge), looking good DESPITE the demons of IF hiding inside of me. Dreams dashed! (Haha.) I’ll let you know what I decide. 🙂
Speaking of girlie stuff, I have a fun distraction this weekend. My Mom is coming to town! I’m taking tomorrow off work and we’re spending the next three days shopping, having tea together, visiting museums, getting massages and hitting some fun restaurants. I am really excited to see her, it’s been a long time since we had a weekend together, just the two of us. (Hubs is flying to his little brother’s bachelor weekend so he will not have to endure the extreme girliness!)
So if you don’t hear from me for a couple of days, that’s what’s up.
In other news, I took my last BCP this morning. Wait, let me try that again. I TOOK MY LAST FREAKING BCP THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to crack open a new pack…I took 22 instead of 21, in the hopes that my CD11 monitoring lands the day after I get home from my work trip in March. I know I’m getting ahead of myself…that cyst may put a wrench in my plans. (I’m pretty sure I can feel it.) But, as I said before, I’m going to be firm and tell Dr. C we need to go ahead and drain it if it’s still hanging out. I have no idea how that all works, but hopefully he can do it within a day of baseline monitoring so I can get this show on the road! I also know the timing is a little up in the air because I’m not totally sure when my period will show up. If it’s like it was for the 10 years I was on BC, it should arrive on Sunday. That would be amazing. But, we’ll just have to see.
I am already having flashes of fear about this cycle, but I’m doing my best to stay “in the moment” and Zen. Hubs and I were cooking dinner together last night and he was like, “What’s up with you, you’re in a weird mood.” I was totally in my head. I am still feeling frustrated about all of the time that has passed while I’ve been waiting on the sidelines. I’ve watched a few bloggies get pregnant (yay!), many have multiple 2wws, etc, go through full IVF cycles, etc etc etc. Hubs said, “But you’re at the end, your wait is almost over!” It’s true, after two long months of waiting and watching and reading and reflecting, I’m finally almost back in the game. It feels good. But it also feels scary, because I know if this cycle doesn’t work, I will likely have another long wait before I can try again (what can I say, I’m prone to cysts). It’s a little extra pressure.
But honestly, it’s just this intense desire to have this WORK. To be pregnant. To begin starting our family. I am ready and waiting. I hope with all of my heart that we can be blessed with this new protocol Dr. C is putting me on.
“I just want it to be over,” I told hubs. “I just want to move forward. I want to be pregnant. I want a baby. I want to feel the relief that this chapter of my life is over.” My sweet hubs. He just folded me up into arms and squeezed me tight and kept saying, “I know you do.” That’s all there really is to say, right? (He’s the best of ALL eggs, my friends. 🙂 )
Okay, that’s the end of my all-over-the-map update. Peaceful, happy, non-racing-heart days to ALL OF YOU!