A Poem About Monitoring Day

Yesterday during the 10 hours I spent traveling home, I had visions of writing a recap post of my amazing trip to the snowy, beautiful mountains of Mammoth Lakes, California. With a kicker about how my follies and ovaries kicked ass today at CD11 monitoring.

Instead, I left the RE’s office in tears. Monitoring was a bust. My lining only thickened to 3.5mm (about one millimeter growth despite 1mg of Estrogen for the past three nights). And I have no follies (zero! zilch! nada!) over 10mm…the tech didn’t even bother measuring them, she just counted them up (10 tiny guys on the right, 11 tiny guys on the left). Dudes, my body is totally stagnant. 😦 I call the lab line to hear a nurse’s message recapping Dr. C’s thoughts late this afternoon. I don’t need to hear a message to know this cycle isn’t my cycle. And I’m not gonna lie, it hurts. Sayanora, Clomid. Thanks for the memories! (haha)

Back in my cubicle, I’ve just been trying to hold it together. I’m so frustrated! After all of these months of waiting….another bust month. Then a message from my hubs popped into my inbox. I started crying again, but this time in a good way. I’m pasting what he wrote below. Is he the best Egg or what?

A Poem About Monitoring Day

I know you are sad, it’s not a good day.
the ultrasound tech had nothing good to say.
you feel its your fault, more drugs could have helped.
but you can’t second guess the cards you’ve been dealt.
it’s not a perfect science, trial and error.
the good news is, your parts are all there!
who knows? maybe this cycle isn’t a waste
but even if it is, you’ve been in a worse place.
you’ve spent months at a time, trying to stay sane,
waiting patiently to take your clomiphene.
next month you can cycle, and try something new.
you are healthy and young, and have a hubs who loves you.
It must be a struggle to try and be zen,
you feel it is useless to take more estrogen.
But you can be treated with a larger dose
It might be that simple! you could be so close!
There are other orals, or even injectables,
maybe our future holds the potential for multiples!?!?
Patience! I know it feels you are facing an eternity,
but maybe this is fate, prepping you for maternity.
I love you so much, I hate when you are sad.
It makes my heart hurt, I can’t help but feel bad.
I know you can’t help it, there is nothing I can say.
I just hope this poem somewhat brightens your day.
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24 Comments

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24 responses to “A Poem About Monitoring Day

  1. Wow, now I’M crying. That poem has to be one of the sweetest things I have ever read. What a wonderful hubby you have!

    And you know my opinion. Good-bye, Clomid and hello, new drugs. Clomid really is the devil.

    Big (((hugs))). Hang in there. Next cycle + better meds = better success! 🙂

  2. Al

    I LOVE the poem! What a sweet hubby.

    Adios, Clomid! Good Riddance!!

    I’m so sorry about this setback ~ (after setback, after setback). I hope this cycle is salvageable. Thinking of you. Big ((hugs))

  3. Tarah

    OMG I’m tearing up at work! haha. You have a wonderful husband and have every right to brag about him every chance you get. I hope this cycle brings you something or you are very close. *hugs*

  4. Oh my gosh, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. It’s so good that your hubby is along for the ride with you and understands how frustrating this is. I hope that the next monitoring day is better.

  5. Your hubby is so awesome! That’s the most amazing gift you could have received today – knowing that you have an incredible partner for life (with a sense of humor!). I’m so sorry the monitoring appointment was so disappointing. I’M incredibly disappointed, so I can only begin to imagine how you’re feeling today. UGH. No more Clomid – it’s been a year now, right? Insurance coverage kicks in for injectibles?

  6. omg, he really is the best egg ever…that poem is amazing (is he a writer too?). I’m am so so sorry to hear this, and its not frickin fair. You were patient, and you waited, and now this was supposed to be your turn. Grrr, it’s beyond frustrating I know and I wish there was something I could say to make it better. Just know I’m thinking about you, and hoping maybe its not over yet? Either way, next month you’ll bring out the big guns…and your Dr. will come up with a new plan with better drugs. Hang in there.

  7. I also shed some tears over this. It shows he really understands! How utterly sweet. And funny! But DEAR LORD, how absolutely ROTTEN that nothing is happening in your lady parts! I’d be feeling like I’d just been punched in the gut. And beaten with a stick. And then locked in a dark basement all alone, with no chance of ever getting pregnant! I do hope that if this cycle is indeed a bust, your RE will have a plan to make sure there are no more months of nothing! Surely with the magic of medical technology that’s a possibility!

  8. Secret Sloper

    Oh jeez, I am sobbing. What an adorable, hilarious poem. You’re right, he is a good egg.

    (I really like the “your parts are all there” line, for some reason).

  9. Oh, and may I add that 21 follies is really, really awesome?! I know they’re not as big as you’d like them to be, but I am convinced that with the right drug combo you will grow some awesomely good eggs!

  10. A

    WOW!! What an awesome hubby!! So creative! I love it 🙂

  11. brianne

    i found your website through “this place is now a home.” i’m so glad i did. i’m very sympathetic to what you’re going through – i just found out about my own fertility issues and am very afraid as to what this journey may hold. i’m not sure if it would be encouraging for you to know – but it makes my heart feel a bit better knowing i’m not alone.

  12. OMG. Sweetest. Hubby. Ever.

    That really is the most precious thing I’ve ever seen.

    Hugs and kisses to you on this VERY disappointing day, Egg.

  13. Gosh! That is so sweet that he took the time to find that poem for you. (Or did he write it? … which is even better!)

    Sorry about the bad Clo.mid news. 😦

  14. Aw, what a sweet hubs. The poem made me teary. I’m going to show it to my hubby too. I’m so sorry that your not having a response to this cycle and are feeling so down. *major hugs* I hope you get some good news soon.

  15. Amazing poem! Maybe your husband should join the limerick challenge.

    Sorry to hear about your poor follicles. Sending you a hug.

  16. OMG what a great husband you have! All that he said in the poem, is so trueeeeee…maybe there is a bigger plan for you (multiples) you never know.

  17. I think I’m in love with your husband. What a sweet thing to do.

    Sorry about your appt today. My doctor said right from the beginning that I had “disobedient eggs”. Sounds like yours are in the same camp. Right now I’m just going to hope that injectables are the answer for you.

  18. JC

    OMG I am crying too!!!! I’m so sorry about your appt. I feel like you will have great results with a different drug or injectables. Don’t worry! And hug your hubby big tonight, what a sweet man to write that for you. Such a good egg!!!

  19. He is a good egg. Good luck!

  20. Holy moly.! What a sweet poem and a hubs that loves you so much!!!

  21. Oh my gosh what a great guy you have! That was seriously the sweetest poem I’ve ever read!

    So sorry things are going crappily. *hug*

  22. hollytraveling

    Sorry about the appointment but….awwwwww….so sweet

  23. lifebytheday

    Omigosh, what a sweetie!! The only thing that makes IF bearable is good egg hubbies (and friends and family)…I’m glad you have such a great one in your corner!

  24. Tio

    Oh, what a wonderful Hubs!

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