Yesterday during the 10 hours I spent traveling home, I had visions of writing a recap post of my amazing trip to the snowy, beautiful mountains of Mammoth Lakes, California. With a kicker about how my follies and ovaries kicked ass today at CD11 monitoring.
Instead, I left the RE’s office in tears. Monitoring was a bust. My lining only thickened to 3.5mm (about one millimeter growth despite 1mg of Estrogen for the past three nights). And I have no follies (zero! zilch! nada!) over 10mm…the tech didn’t even bother measuring them, she just counted them up (10 tiny guys on the right, 11 tiny guys on the left). Dudes, my body is totally stagnant. 😦 I call the lab line to hear a nurse’s message recapping Dr. C’s thoughts late this afternoon. I don’t need to hear a message to know this cycle isn’t my cycle. And I’m not gonna lie, it hurts. Sayanora, Clomid. Thanks for the memories! (haha)
Back in my cubicle, I’ve just been trying to hold it together. I’m so frustrated! After all of these months of waiting….another bust month. Then a message from my hubs popped into my inbox. I started crying again, but this time in a good way. I’m pasting what he wrote below. Is he the best Egg or what?
A Poem About Monitoring DayI know you are sad, it’s not a good day.the ultrasound tech had nothing good to say.you feel its your fault, more drugs could have helped.but you can’t second guess the cards you’ve been dealt.it’s not a perfect science, trial and error.the good news is, your parts are all there!who knows? maybe this cycle isn’t a wastebut even if it is, you’ve been in a worse place.you’ve spent months at a time, trying to stay sane,waiting patiently to take your clomiphene.next month you can cycle, and try something new.you are healthy and young, and have a hubs who loves you.It must be a struggle to try and be zen,you feel it is useless to take more estrogen.But you can be treated with a larger doseIt might be that simple! you could be so close!There are other orals, or even injectables,maybe our future holds the potential for multiples!?!?Patience! I know it feels you are facing an eternity,but maybe this is fate, prepping you for maternity.I love you so much, I hate when you are sad.It makes my heart hurt, I can’t help but feel bad.I know you can’t help it, there is nothing I can say.I just hope this poem somewhat brightens your day.