The past few days

I have not been feeling super blogariffic this week, so I really apologize for my lack of commenting and reading and posting. That said, I am feeling better, so I’ll be back in action soooon.

Monday was kind of a sad, doomsday-ish blur. You guys were there. I was upset and scared. The ubiquitous darkness of IF felt twisted and nightmarish in new and horrible ways. Suddenly I was thinking things like, Would I even consider a surrogate? And, Would hubs and I be okay as just the two of us forever and ever? There was a lot more brewing in the witches pot of Bad IF News, but I think you get the picture. YUCK.

Then Tuesday I felt pretty ticked off at Dr. C. I mean, what RE tells a sensitive, hormonal, baby-desperate woman that he doesn’t know whether she can get pregnant? We appreciate honesty, but I am apparently a fragile little thing who really benefits from a more positive bedside manner. We still trust in Dr. C, but I think his consult performance was begging us to go out and find a second opinion. Some internet research suggests there are some experimental ways to get around lining that won’t respond to Estrogen. That said, we think any RE would be taking this course of action (injects) so I feel good about proceeding with this cycle as planned. And if ditching the Clomid and trying new drugs doesn’t thicken up my lining as we are so desperately hoping it will, and Dr. C won’t think outside the box with us, then we will move on. We are very fortunate to live in Chicago, where there are a number of fantastic RE clinics. Hubs and I are not accepting this good-lining-or-bust thing. I hope we can prove ourselves right.

By Wednesday, it was time to get busy. Action is the antidote for despair, right? Even though he has an actual dissertation to work on in real life, hubs is currently working toward his PhD from Google in the esteemed field of Uterine Lining-ology. (And he’s on track to graduate with Honors, as you will see in a future post wherein I bestow all of the findings upon you.) For the past few days he’s been sending me links to studies and RE-penned blogs, all of them related to thickening the endometrium. At night, he comes home bearing Walgreens gifts. 🙂 I’m now taking Vitamin E, L-arginine (an, um, male performance supplement that works similarly to Viagra), baby aspirin, Fish Oil and Pre-Natals. And going to acupuncture. Oh, yeah, and I’m also taking Provera and have some Gonal-F arriving this weekend. It’s a freaking Fertility Pharmacy next to our coffee maker!

Now on to the really important stuff: the world’s biggest THANK YOU! Thank you all so much for your kindness via comments and emails on Monday. To those of you who know me and have been reading along, your heartfelt comments warmed me on a chilling day. To all of the folks who aren’t regular visitors and dropped by to offer support, I am so grateful and uplifted by your words. And to those of you who had successful stories to share, thank you so very much. You gave me hope. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.



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22 responses to “The past few days

  1. The hope in this post is a small reminder about why you are so amazing. I’m so glad you are feeling a little bit better & I’m so proud of DH for stepping up the research!!!

  2. Tarah

    I’m so glad you have such an amazing, supportive husband by your side through this journey. I hope one of the ideas you guys are trying works and I’m all for a second and even a third opinion. Never lose hope!

  3. It goes to show that time heals all wounds, or at the very least softens the blow. I’m happy to hear how pro-active you are being! That is great!

  4. Al

    So sweet that your hubs is investigating – and I agree – even if this RE gives up on you and isn’t willing to try alternative treatment, I’m sure there is another doc that will. And more than that, who knows, the injectibles may leave u with beautiful lining (along with all of those supplements you’re taking) and your doc will have to insert foot into mouth. I really, really hope that’s the case! I still have hope for you, Egg. thinking of you.

  5. Secret Sloper

    I’m *so* glad to hear this determination in your words. You and DH are an incredible team and you will figure out a way to get your baby. I’m so proud of you for your ability to pick yourself up after getting knocked down.

  6. Thanks for letting us know you’re doing okay! And you’ve got a whole big plan and everything! You’re amazing. I’m so, so hoping the injectables (and your delicious menu of supplements!) do the trick. I was thinking about you yesterday, thinking about the fact that my RE telling me “I believe we’ll get you pregnant” is the only thing that keeps me from jumping off a bridge some days, and how indescribably world-destroying it would be to have that hope taken from me. It’s just soooo impressive that you’ve bounced back to the extent that you have. And for what it’s worth, I believe in my heart you will be pregnant some day (relatively!) soon.

  7. I’m so glad to hear that your feeling a little better. That is awesome about your hubby doing all that googling and figuring stuff out that can help. I hope that one of those things does the trick. I agree with you, if your RE is giving you doomsday stuff and won’t think out of the box, go find someone else.

  8. Egg, I’ve totally been thinking about you. I knew that if anyone could bounce back from Dr. C’s not so encouraging words on Monday, it would be you. This post is so totally filled with hope and determination…you are so not giving up, so way to keep fighting through this. You have an amazing plan of action here, and I agree…if you have to part ways, then so be it. And you hubby really is the best egg, I love that he’s googling along with the rest of us. You really do make an amazing team, and I’m certain good things are in store for both of you!! Just keep hanging in there!

  9. LTB

    I love the action plan! Take back the control! I agree your RE is lacking in bedside manner but good that he i following the protocol you want! I’m also VERY hopeful that you will “thicken up” with injects and no clomid! You asked about my dosage of injects, I take Menopur in the mornings, right now i’m up to 225 ius. Are you injecting menopur? tummy injections? Good luck! When do you start? This has got to be your month, after all it is the month of the “egg” (easter egg!) and you are such a good egg! heheee!

  10. JC

    I’m glad you’re feeling better. I have missed you, but I know you were going through a rough time. I think your lining will get better. And that’s so sweet of your hubby to do so much research and bring you all those vitamins and suppliments. I don’t think my hubby would ever do research on his own ;). And I also think it’s wise to get a 2nd opinion if things don’t work out with this RE.

  11. Yayyyy that you are feeling so much better and with a great plan and medication. Your lining will get better and you will do awesome this next cycle friend!

  12. hollytraveling

    Oh Yippee that’s the Egg we know!!! Good for you. And I agree, that really angered me when I read he said that. Even if he’s not 100% confident, there are other ways to go about saying that. I think you’re doing the right thing. You’re taking control of your care and you’re not going to let anyone count you out of the game. So glad you’re feeling better.

  13. So glad to hear you’re feeling better!

    Would love to chat about REs with a fellow Chicagoan. Shoot me an email:

  14. Jin

    Aww, that’s so great! Glad you’re feeling more yourself. I also think that if you ditch the clomid, good things will happen to your lining.

  15. My love and respect for you grows each day. You are an amazing woman who can and will get through this hell or high water!!

  16. I am so glad that you are feeling better and that you have a plan of action! Praying that it’ll help your little one arrive in your arms!

  17. Yes yes yes! You’re back! You’re so smart and determined to be thinking of ways you can try again and help the process. I think a second opinion is NEVER a bad idea, and you and your hubs are so ahead of the game to read up on all of these experimental options as well.

    Go, Egg! Honestly, you can do it. You are amazing.

  18. I’m so happy to hear that hopefulness back! I’m loving the hubs googling efforts. I always end up in the corner crying after about the first 2 links. Makes me wonder what kind of remedies I’d come up with if I actually kept going. Yes, there are alternative doctors who are worth looking at if this RE doesn’t work out. There is one in your area that I myself am thinking of trying.

  19. Egg,
    I’m just catching up and I think my heart broke a little too, reading your last post. But already you’ve bounded back with a plan and new optimism. I REALLY hope that the injectables (plus acupuncture, and a hundred supplements) will help. Clearly, I’m no RE, but like you said, you are young and healthy and you have so much on your side.

  20. You are amazing. What a wonderful spirit you have.

  21. Me

    Having a supprtive husband makes all the difference….or so I hear.


  22. Hope springs eternal…always…

    Happy ICLW!

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