Throw me a bone! *updated*

Okay, so after Googling IF counselors and reading your extremely supportive and awesome comments yesterday afternoon (thank you!), I got a nice surprise. MY PERIOD! I almost posted right then but something told me not to count my chickens before they’d hatched. So to speak.

And that something turned out to be a big 22mm leftover follie/cyst at this morning’s baseline monitoring this morning. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Can someone throw me a bone here, please? Please? PLEASE?!?!?!

My heart sank as the u/s tech measured it. I felt like shouting, Where the F- was that guy when I needed it, during my cycle? Geez. Also, if my ovaries were stagnant (remember, ZERO follies over 10mm) and the cycle was canceled on CD16 how the heck did I develop this big follicle? Is it possible I had a semi-mature one last week that was missed in the monitoring? I’m so confused. And frustrated. This is a final F-YOU to Clomid. I really tried to be your friend. We are finished, this is the last time you’ll hurt me!

I know what happens now. The nurse calls or leaves a message on the lab line at 2pm trying to gently explain that I have  a cyst and Dr. C (or whoever is on call) wants me to wait a month and she’ll call in my Provera Rx because she knows I don’t ovulate or get my period. And then I’ll call back and ask WTF is going on, how the heck do I have this cyst and she’ll say, “It happens. Cysts are a side effect of Clomid. I don’t know what else to tell you.”And then I’ll tell her I’m not taking my chances that it’s going to grow (like it did in January, sigh) and that I’m starting BCPs. And she’ll say, “Okaaaaaay. Bye hon.” BYE!

I should’ve been on the 100mg dose this past cycle. If I’m going to get a cyst anyways, why not actually give me a shot at ovulating? Every cycle I find things we should’ve done differently. I know, I know, hindsight is 20/20 or whatever, but seriously. I kept saying I thought we needed the 100mg dose. Whatever, it doesn’t matter: My lining sucked so regardless of ovulating the cycle was destined to be a bust. It just really blows that it also busted April.

So after the appointment I headed to the gym (monitoring was so early I had time to kill before work) and sweated on the StairClimber, lifted weights. Then I showered up and stopped into Starbucks, where I ordered a grande coffee and a calorie-bomb of a glazed donut. Because why the hell not? Now I’m hopped up on caffeine and sugar (groooooss, I’m regretting that horribly unhealthy breakfast) trying to think of all silver lining, because I can’t bear to leave you all with yet another DOWNER EGG post. There have been so many lately!

1. The cyst/follie is on my right ovary. First time I have EVER seen action from rightie. It’s nice to know she’s alive and well. I do wish she had not picked this moment to wake up, but this is my silver lining part of the post so I’m just going to be grateful she has the power to produce follies.

2. My lining was 3mm. This is still thin for most women, but considering my lining is usually in the 1-2mm range at baseline, I am impressed. However, today is only CD2 so perhaps I’m just catching it before it gets super thing from bleeding. Oh wait, this is silver lining time. Yay, that is a good number for me! If I can start there next time I have a better shot at a decently thick lining when I ovulate. (Yeah, I’m going to freaking ovulate next time I get to cycle. You have no choice in the matter, body. We are MOVING FORWARD.)

3. We have an out of town wedding the weekend of April 10. I was getting nervous about squeezing in an IUI before hubs leaves town. I guess we will not have to worry about that now. Unfortunately, there is another wedding the weekend of April 30. I have already calculated what three weeks of BCPs does to my timeline and it isn’t pretty. I’ll probably have to stay on them longer to ensure we’re not in the middle of injects when we go to NYC at the end of April. But, silver lining, I can control my period better with BCPs than I can with Provera.

4. Back to the lining. I guess this gives my body more time to clear Evil Clomid out of its system. That can only be good.

I think that’s about it. Whew. I will take my bone any time now….is someone up there listening?

**********Update************

A different nurse called me this afternoon. A really nice one. The news was not nice: Estrogen-producing cyst. Typical! I hate to say it, but I was pretty sure that’s how the convo would go. She has no explanation for why I grew a big follie in a canceled cycle. BUT, because I only started bleeding late yesterday, they are going to re-test my Estrogen level on Sunday morning. My level is currently a sky-high 305. They want it to be 75-ish or lower. And if it goes down, they’ll let me cycle through this. I guess there’s a chance it could be artificially high because it was too early to test me. I don’t know. This period is pretty weird. I’s EVEN lighter than it has been since I went off the Pill. Like, I’m bleeding, but so little that I don’t even need a pad. Or a panty-liner. And as I’ve remarked a few times to hubs since last night at 7pm, I have no cramping. None. It’s unusual. (He chalks it up to my daily dose of Vitamin E supps, which would be a nifty side-effect of that supplement!) But still, I’m bleeding…so it’s my period, right? Right, said the nurse.

I really can’t decide how I feel about this. I guess perked up just a bit to have some hope for the next 36 hours. But really you guys, you have seen my body’s history (look to the Long & Short Of It sidebar to the right), it has an amazing ability to develop all of the worst side effects of fertility meds. Right now, so frustrated, I feel like I watch people get good news or at least green-light news month after month, while I sit here spinning my wheels and switching between cheering everyone else on and shouting for help. (I do love cheering you guys on, I hope you know that!)

Sunday would be a GREAT time for that bone…

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21 Comments

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21 responses to “Throw me a bone! *updated*

  1. LTB

    I wish I had a hundred bones to throw to you! This totally sucks Egg. You don’t deserve this stinkin’ cyst! Ugh…
    Try to cheer up (impossible? hope not!)
    LTB

  2. YUCK. I am so bummed for you! Gosh. So glad you had a good workout after the disppointing news. If I were you, I’d go to Starbucks again this afternoon! Ha! Take that stupid period/cyst!!

  3. Okay, so the monitoring appt this morning was definitely a huge buzz kill. And I know you’ve been burned by cysts before, but i’m over here hoping as hard as humanly possibly this cyst is friendly…and there’s still a chance for you to cycle. Because you just frickin deserve a chance to cycle here…someone please throw this girl a bone…ugh!! I’m so frustrated for you, so I can only imagine how you feel…hopefully you were able to release some at the gym.

    And don’t worry about downer posts…we all have them, a lot of them…we wouldn’t be IFers if we didn’t. So while I think its awesome you’re looking at the silver linings (and I think that’s a great point about controlling af on birth control…IF you have to take them), remember it’s totally okay to be completely bummed out, that’s what we’re here for…for you to bitch and moan about all the unfair things about IF, cause guess what…we totally get it! Hang in there egg!!

  4. Secret Sloper

    Okay, Ms Rightie is a little out of practice, but she’s trying to get with the program. We might see big things from her next time.

    I’m so sorry about all this suckiness. It’s just not fair at all. You sound frustrated with your RE. Do you worry that he/she/they is/are not giving your case the full attention you need? Do you ever think about switching?

    I’m glad you had a good gym session and some nice self-medication afterward with caffeine and sugar.

  5. Tarah

    *hugs* How frustrating! And how unfair! I agree, you sound really frustrated with your RE – is there a chance you can change and get a second option on your options?

    A gym session is always great to get rid of the frustration. Keeping my fingers crossed for you – always.

    http://lovelyladybump.blogspot.com/

  6. Oh, Egg. I really wish I had bones to throw you. This is the last thing I expected, and I’m so sorry that you have even more to deal with right now. But going to the gym and working up a sweat was a great way to get some of that anger out of your system, and all of the positives you pointed out are VERY positive. My lining at baselines is usually around 1 to 3 mms, so it’s not a bad thing. And hooray for not having to deal with Crazy Clomid anymore.

    (((hugs))) You are in my thoughts. I hope you have a stress-free weekend planned to take your mind off of things.

  7. Waaaaaaaaah! How completely frustrating! I suppose I should have guessed that this would happen, ’cause something always seems to show up to throw a wrench in the works, I was just SO looking forward to seeing you have a real shot! (Unlike you–I know you weren’t impatient at all…) But I guess with all these weddings, things were going to be tricky anyway. Just…BOOOOOOOO!

  8. That is SO frustrating! Of all the inopportune times for your ovary to wake up. ARGH!

    I’m so sorry. And I definitely hear you on going to get a giant coffee after news like that. That’s what I did after my IUI getting cancelled this month.

    But very excited about your lining! It’s a start.

  9. Boo for the cyst :/ That sucks.

    I’m cheering you on in trying to see the silver linings! That is so difficult sometimes.

  10. Stupid cyst. I’m so frustrated for you, so I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. We are all here cheering you on, and begging the universe to throw you that bone!

  11. JC

    I’m so sorry Egg! This really sucks. Don’t feel bad about posting downer things though b/c it’s happeneing to you and every single one of us would be feeling the same way. It’s not fair!!! I’m hoping Sunday’s results are good and you can cycle. Please let us know. I’ll be thinking/praying!

  12. ARGH. I am so, so sorry you were dealt more sucky news today. You are frustrated, and rightfully so! Really, really hoping for good news on Sunday. And, you should treat yourself to a nice big mimosa or bloody mary at brunch.

    Egg, I am so terribly sorry you keep drawing the short stick. I just know your turn is coming up soon and I have a feeling the injects will be much better to your body than stupid Clomid.

    Try to hang in there, and you know I’m here if you need to vent. Thinking of you!

  13. So sorry about this frustrating news. That blows!!! I hope your new lab work turns out some good news. Also – way to be positive and look at the silver lining!

    ICLW

  14. Jen

    I would be frustrated as well….that really sucks. I hope you find out good things on Sunday.

    It’s your blog to post as many downer posts as you want! No apologies 😉

  15. I have nothing constructive to add. Just…Down with crappy side effects, down with canceled cycles, and…

    DOWN WITH YOUR ESTROGEN!

  16. hollytraveling

    Someone has got to listen and throw you a bone soon, because you freaking deserve it. Wish I had one to throw your way.

  17. I know nothing about thin lining so excuse my ignorance, but this is what I’m wondering… is it possible that your lining will naturally thicken when you’re on a med that’s actually making you ovulate, maybe even ovulating multiple mature follicles? I mean, will maturing follicles send secret messages to your lining, imploring it to do what you need it to do? Just wondering. I guess I’m just really hoping that everything comes together for your next cycle.

    P.S. I hate your cyst. And I hate Clomid. F-YOU cyst and Clomid!

    P.S.S. I hope hope hope for good news on Sunday.

  18. *sending lots of positive thoughts your way* I hope the next 36 hours bring you much deserved good news.

  19. I’m so sorry! This is so incredibly frustrating and I agree, you deserve a bone any day now! Hoping that you get some good news soon and are able to move forward with a successful cycle. Hang in there!

  20. Everything I can cross I am for you. I so hope your numbers go down so you can cycle again. It is not fair that you keep getting cysts. Are there any other RE’s near you you could check out? I’m so sorry you have to go through all this crap.

  21. Man. I totally understand your frustration. SO relatable. If it makes you feel ANY better though? I am now 35 weeks pregnant. But holy moly, I understand it…

    A trillion cotillion zillion bones for you!

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