Roller coaster. Done.

I imagine a BFN must be the worst feeling in the world when you’re cycling. But since I’ve never gotten that far, I will share my personal hell (November, January, February, half of March, now April): being benched. I’ve experienced that wind-out-of-my-sails–feeling three times in the past two weeks. Weird. (Still, it was nice to have some ups during this roller coaster ride.)

This afternoon Dr. K canceled this pseudo-cycle because my E2 dropped a bit and my lining didn’t improve. I’ve been put on BCPs to try to shrink the—now official—cyst. (Bye Scrappy The Follie, it was nice to know you.) Truthfully, I’m super bummed. 😦

Since Sunday evening my stomach has fluttered with excitement that I might go into April, my lucky month, with the secret hope you only feel during a 2ww….but it was not meant to be. Annoyingly, I also can’t start injects right after I finish a cycle of BCPs—because of our wedding gauntlet I’ll be on them longer than 21 days.

Still, I know that some REALLY good things came out of this roller-coaster. Thanks to this random and sort of emotionally-grueling monitoring, I now have some legit hope that my lining might improve on better meds. Totally worth it. And I’m grateful Dr. K broke protocol to see this through. I’m excited about meeting with her in a few weeks for a second opinion consult. So really, even though this news stings and I can’t shrug the blah feeling that’s descended upon me, know that I am happy about these things.

Thanks to all of you for rooting for Scrappy; I’m sorry I couldn’t turn the weirdest-cycle-ever into a trigger-IUI story!



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20 responses to “Roller coaster. Done.

  1. Secret Sloper

    Ugh, I’m disappointed for you. I so wanted Scrappy to be the miracle follie that could 😦 I hate these setbacks– the BFNs, the canceled cycles. They wear us down.

    But I’m really looking forward to your consult with Dr. K. next month. She seems to proactive–willing to take risks rather than follow the same old procedure. And I’m so glad for the encouraging news about your lining.

    If you need a pouty, ice-cream and wine on the couch in front of the tv kind of night, I think you deserve one.

  2. Damn. I’m sorry scrappy turned out to really be a cyst. I hope the time flies so you can cycle again soon.

  3. I’m so sorry, Egg. I really hope that May’s cycle isn’t so emotional and crazy. For what it’s worth, I think you are handling all of this really well. I know it probably doesn’t feel like it at the moment, but it’s true. You really have been on a roller coaster, and you’ve come off of it still fighting.


  4. JC

    Ahh I’m sorry Egg! I’m really sorry, I know you must be so upset and bummed. It is good that you got to see your lining improve though…and that you’re meeting with the other RE. She seems great. I’m really hoping things turn up for you. ((hugs))

  5. Al

    I’m so sorry Egg. This just SUCKS!! I wanted you to have this shot this little follie that could. 😦 UGH.

    I’m just so sorry. Be good to yourself tonight and like Secret Sloper said – wine, ice cream, couch. You deserve it.

  6. Boo. I was pulling for scrappy! Still, I’m really glad that you are feeling so positive. I hope that you get a great second opinion, and that your lining just continues to improve.

  7. It was a good ride and you got a lot of information out of it to make you hopeful for future cycles. Still, so disappointing given you’ve got the wedding marathon coming up. So sorry.

  8. hollytraveling

    Dang it. I was really hoping for this for you. Bummer.

    But you’re right there’s much good that came from this whole experience. I love, love how Dr. K was all ready to venture down this new road with you. She’s daring and brings a whole new wave of hope. I think that’s great.

    But truly sorry it didn’t work out.

  9. BALLS. So sorry, Egg. You’re right, though: some insight came out of this pseudo-cycle, and I have a feeling it’s going to be verrry valuable in the future.

    I gots lotsa hope!

  10. I am so sorry for this latest disappointment. To think, you could have gone down in the fertility journals with one of the most bizarre IUI stories. Major bummer.
    But, the insight you’ve gained from this cycle is soooo good and should offer you so much reassurance. I’m confident that you will rock those injects after the wedding onslaught. Hang in there…I know how difficult these breaks are…and you have certainly had enough of them!
    So sorry you’re going through this. Thinking of you.

  11. It’s ok my friend, I know that you will have that “weirdest-cycle-ever into a trigger-IUI story” soon! Hang in there I know is hard but you can do it. Lots of Hugs!!!!

  12. You will get there. You will. And it sounds like there was some real good that came out of this–Dr. K sounds like someone who is really thinking through your situation. (Not that your other doc wasn’t–but sometimes fresh eyes are what you need.)

  13. Oh Egg, I’m so so sorry. I was so hopeful that Scrappy was going to pull through– I can’t believe you’re sitting out, yet again. I agree with Sloper, ice cream, wine, tv night for you!!

  14. Grrr, I’m so sorry. BUT, you’re so right to look on the bright side! You (and your TWO RE’s) learned so much from this last cycle. Every little lesson learned is a step closer to the prize. Hold on!

  15. BLECH. What is up with this week and crappy news? UGH. Hoping next cycle is much better!

  16. Tarah

    I’m so glad to hear Dr K is going to give you a second opinion AND your lining thickened! That is great news coming from such bad news. Keep an eye on that silver lining – no matter how hard it is. I pray that Dr K is the answer to your prayers. Fingers crossed!

  17. This won’t be any comfort, but your situation really does help me keep perspective on my own. I can’t imagine how impossibly frustrating it is to never have a chance to conceive. However blue I feel about my situation, at least I’ve had my chances! So I’m so very sorry that you have to be stuck in this awful place. Screw the silver lining, this SUUUUUUUCKS!

    But it will end, eventually. And I like to think the story you’ll be telling soon is how the very first time you possibly could have, you got knocked up.

  18. Waiting month after month must be just as disappointing (if not more so) than a BFN. I’m glad Dr. K could learn from this cycle, at least. I can’t wait to hear about your 2nd opinion consult.

  19. Aww I’m sorry this didn’t work out for you 😦 *hug*

  20. Oh egg, I’m just so sorry about scrappy. I really really had high hopes for him, what a jerk. But you’re right…you got some good news about your lining potential, and I’m very excited about your next consult. It sucks beyond belief you couldn’t cycle, but I totally think that even if you learned one little thing the month isn’t a total loss, ya know! Thinking of you!!

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