I am now in the hard part of the cycle. The part that has gone badly, so badly, two out of the three times I’ve cycled. Today I am determined to keep a positive attitude. I am tired of being heartbroken and scared and disappointed on monitoring days. Here’s the deal: After five nights of Gonal-F, I went in for CD8 monitoring this morning. No follies over 10 and lining is 4mm. There are two follies on the left that are close to 10mm.
Now is when I focus on the positives! I know most folks would not be happy with their lining at 4mm (heck, most people start a cycle with that kind of lining!), but for me it’s a good number for CD8. Back in December, in my one Clomid/ovulatory cycle, my lining was 3.2mm on trigger day (CD13). So, this is definitely improvement. And considering my follies are all small, I’m hoping there’s going to be more fluffing as they begin to grow and spew estrogen. Because they WILL GROW. Right……?
I know that they like to see follies above 10mm at this point, because the nurse gently explained that so far my response is “less than ideal.” But, the upside is that they can tweak my meds. Maybe Dr. K will want to add in the Luveris now? Maybe she’ll amp up my small dose of Gonal-F? I’ll find out this afternoon. I am feeling so fragile right now….like I’m in a rocking boat and I’m desperate to keep my balance. To find my Zen place. All morning I’ve been giving myself little pep talks. Everything is fine! Slow and steady is the way to go! It only takes one good egg! They’ll tweak the meds and the next monitoring appointment will go better! I want so badly to believe all of this is true.
P.S. NYC was awesome. Great weather, great parties, great shopping, great running, great friends, great family. We had an amazing time. 🙂
My E2 is 103, LH is 1.9, no measurable follicles. Not a great day of monitoring. The infamous Dr. Old is on call and has….wait for it….made NO CHANGE to my Gonal-F dose. Sigh. I remember from WTH consults #2 and #3 that Dr. Old is anti-upping dosing mid-cycle. Awesome. And Dr. New is out of the office today and Wednesday (when I go back), so I have to do whatever he says. Despite my attempts to connect with a doc who cares about my response and is willing to treat me as an individual, I still have Dr. Old calling my shots (literally).
Because my LH is so incredibly low he has (SHOCKER!) instructed me to take a half dose of Luveris. A half dose? I have no follie action! Shouldn’t we be a little more aggressive? Good lord.
Despite all of my attempts to be positive and Zen and chill, I find myself slipping toward negativity.