I fee like the intensity of this process hit me head on in the past 24 hours. Until then, it had been all rainbows and unicorns as I’ve giddily felt the joy of DOING SOMETHING (injecting myself, going to monitoring). I’ve laughed about how HILARIOUS it is that I’ve now injected myself in the car at the airport parking lot (hubs did it to me, the shuttle driver had a great view of the weird moment), in a hotel in NYC before slipping into an evening gown, and in the airport bathroom before boarding the plane home. So crazy, so funny!
Eh…suddenly last night, after my Luveris shot and then the Gonal-F shot, I just felt sorta….blah. So far I haven’t really felt effects from the injects….none of the weight gain or bloating or bruising people sometimes mention. But last night my stomach began to feel tender from all of the pokes its endured. I felt a tiny bit weepy-ish. I don’t know if it’s hormones or the act of injecting wearing on me, but, WHEW, my emotions are everywhere! I have even more respect for you awesome ladies that have done this—and more, IVF!—before me.
This morning there was a crowd in the waiting area at monitoring. There were several couples, all waiting to be taken back for their IUIs. I kept my head down. I felt jealousness creeping into my heart….will I ever get to that point? (Hormones again?) Finally, after an hour of waiting (tortuous! I just sat their trying to take deep breaths and not stress about what the u/s might show), I got called back for blood work. It was a newbie nurse and she was very nervous and couldn’t get my poor little vein to do its job. After sticking me for a while on the left and leaving my arm black and blue, she switched to the right. Normally, I’d probably be a little annoyed. (Oh geez, I drew the inexperienced nurse.) Today, I wasn’t even annoyed: It just made me sad. I started tearing up. Oh, my gosh. This is hard.
Anyway, things perked up during u/s monitoring because my lining is 6mm!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! The nurse even called it triple stripe. Really, #*&$6#@*&, triple stripe? Those are two magic words I never, ever thought I would hear. I freaking teared up again! Sheesh! (If you are a new reader, click here to find out what a relief this lining news is to me.) And please remind me, if this cycle gets cancelled or doesn’t yield mature follies, or whatever, that I have taken something big away from it: The knowledge that my lining can be decent under the right circumstances.
As for the follies, they are still doing their slow & steady thing. Today is CD10 and there are two on the left at 11.5 and one on the right at 10.5. The others are too little to bother measuring. Slow and steady has NEVER been my MO, but I’m trying so hard to embrace it and all the good things that are happening with my body right now.
I am always so defensive and ready to question (my REs) and eager to protect myself from the pain of disappointment that’s surely around the bend. But, depsite all that, some how, some way……I am also grateful, I am positive and I am even trying to let some hope blossom inside me.