Positivity

I fee like the intensity of this process hit me head on in the past 24 hours. Until then, it had been all rainbows and unicorns as I’ve giddily felt the joy of DOING SOMETHING (injecting myself, going to monitoring). I’ve laughed about how HILARIOUS it is that I’ve now injected myself in the car at the airport parking lot (hubs did it to me, the shuttle driver had a great view of the weird moment), in a hotel in NYC before slipping into an evening gown, and in the airport bathroom before boarding the plane home. So crazy, so funny!

Eh…suddenly last night, after my Luveris shot and then the Gonal-F shot, I just felt sorta….blah. So far I haven’t really felt effects from the injects….none of the weight gain or bloating or bruising people sometimes mention. But last night my stomach began to feel tender from all of the pokes its endured. I felt a tiny bit weepy-ish. I don’t know if it’s hormones or the act of injecting wearing on me, but, WHEW, my emotions are everywhere! I have even more respect for you awesome ladies that have done this—and more, IVF!—before me.

This morning there was a crowd in the waiting area at monitoring. There were several couples, all waiting to be taken back for their  IUIs. I kept my head down. I felt jealousness creeping into my heart….will I ever get to that point? (Hormones again?) Finally, after an hour of waiting (tortuous! I just sat their trying to take deep breaths and not stress about what the u/s might show), I got called back for blood work. It was a newbie nurse and she was very nervous and couldn’t get my poor little vein to do its job. After sticking me for a while on the left and leaving my arm black and blue, she switched to the right. Normally, I’d probably be a little annoyed. (Oh geez, I drew the inexperienced nurse.) Today, I wasn’t even annoyed: It just made me sad. I started tearing up. Oh, my gosh. This is hard.

Anyway, things perked up during u/s monitoring because my lining is 6mm!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! The nurse even called it triple stripe. Really, #*&$6#@*&, triple stripe? Those are two magic words I never, ever thought I would hear. I freaking teared up again! Sheesh! (If you are a new reader, click here to find out what a relief this lining news is to me.) And please remind me, if this cycle gets cancelled or doesn’t yield mature follies, or whatever, that I have taken something big away from it: The knowledge that my lining can be decent under the right circumstances.

As for the follies, they are still doing their slow & steady thing. Today is CD10 and there are two on the left at 11.5 and one on the right at 10.5. The others are too little to bother measuring. Slow and steady has NEVER been my MO, but I’m trying so hard to embrace it and all the good things that are happening with my body right now.

I am always so defensive and ready to question (my REs) and eager to protect myself from the pain of disappointment that’s surely around the bend. But, depsite all that, some how, some way……I am also grateful, I am positive and I am even trying to let some hope blossom inside me.

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19 Comments

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19 responses to “Positivity

  1. Tarah

    YEA!!! I’m so excited about your lining and the potential for this cycle for you. I will water that hope for you because I hope this cycle brings WONDERFUL news for you and your DH! Fingers tightly crossed this is it!

    http://lovelyladybump.blogspot.com/

  2. HOLY #*&$6#@*&! Triple STRIPE! That’s so rad!!!! (I’m tearing up too! Maybe there’s something in the air!) I’m going to allow myself a few moments of thinking oh my God this could be it for you! This could totally be it! You could have a genuine honest to goodness shot and have it actually work!!!! Okay, cautiously optimistic again. But still really thrilled that you’ve finally gotten some good news.

  3. You are making PERFECT progress and I know what you mean about getting excited about the triple stripe. I had mine for the first time this past cycle and I was elated. Who knew I would ever get so excited about uterine lining?! I can’t wait until your next appointment. Things are really looking up for you, girl! 🙂

  4. You are totally slow and steady and you will win this race. That lining just keeps getting better and better. Maybe your follies needed to grow slow so they could spend extra time fluffing up their future home!

  5. zully

    Yayyyyyyy!!!!! Go linning and follies!!! I’m so excited for you. I’m praying so hard for this to be your cycle my sweet egg. Muah

  6. Mara

    Yay! Triple stripe!!! That is FANTASTIC! And those follies sound perfect too.

    So, I just clicked back and read the lining story from March. OMG. I did 50mg Clomid from CD3-7 and had a lining of 3 on CD13 in August 2008. And no follicles. And I have gotten pg three times since then. I think you will be fine, really, and that talk of a carrier was very premature. I just can’t believe that was his response.

    Anyway, back to positivity!! Yay!! Triple stripe! Can’t wait to hear about the next appointment 🙂

  7. Triple stripe lining is definitely a thing to be celebrated! Can’t wait to see what those follicles have in store! Great news, Egg!

  8. Yay for such a great lining!!! I’m so glad that the injects are treating you better. Your follies will catch up, and now you have an awesome lining for a little baby to snuggle into.

  9. hollytraveling

    Oh my God, I’m doing a happy dance right now. I’m so freaking excited for you Egg. And ohhhhh, I don’t want to raise bad blood but it just makes me grit my teeth more at what the doctor told you before. Grrrrr. But we’re in the present now and this is sooooo terrific. Oh, I’m so happy for you right now. This can be it. Yippee.

  10. I’m betting it’s going to be even thicker at your next u/s. I would put money on it. I think you’re going to very impressed with your uterus. Good luck!!

  11. Tio

    Comparing things now to how they were two months ago… a little positivity is justified. Egg, you body is DOING stuff. The RIGHT stuff. How freakin’s awesome is that?

  12. What good news! I hope this keeps up!

  13. YAY for the triple stripe! You’ve gone a lot farther in the process than I have but I can remember the elation of getting a month of great progesterone levels. This is great news.

  14. Yeah! Great news! Yay for the triple stripe, and your slow but steady follies, and YOUR AWESOMENESS.

  15. Kate

    Yeah for the triple stripe!!

    I’ve had moments like yours…tearing up b/c infertility is just so freaking hard and lonely. I often wonder about the other couples in the waiting room. Sometimes I want to talk to them to share a little of our darkness. I mean, aren’t we all in the same place. But, I feel that would be weird. How would you start that conversation? So, what drugs you on?

    I hope you get to swing the bat this month!

  16. go lining! go follies!

    i’m very impressed with you, btw. i get weepy and etc., just thinking about the stims. (i should be One Hot Mess next month….)

  17. You’re doing so awesome. And I don’t just mean your lining (though that is HUGE). You have been strong and positive and in control throughout a really, really stressful period of your life. You don’t have to think it’s all hilarious. And some tears are ok sometimes.

    You’re not just getting through — you’re doing GREAT. Tears and all.

  18. Your lining is AWESOME and those follies will get there, I just know it!! You are so brave!

  19. Triple stripe is awesome! I hope you have a kick a$$ monitoring appointment tomorrow and tons of follie growing vibes headed your way.

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