Oh, my lord. I am so freaking bloated! My ovary area feels exceptionally stabby and crampy. It hurts to sit, it hurts to walk. I’d use a sick day, but I know I’d just go home and Google the crap out of my numbers (Lining! One mature follie! Sample for today’s IUI!) and I don’t think that would be healthy (or fun)!
But mentally and emotionally, I am feeling happy, strong and more like myself than I have since TTC. Yip! 🙂 I will not attribute this to “hope,” because, quite honestly, I’m pretty lukewarm about everything. And I felt like Dr. K and nurse G were equally lukewarm about my chances this morning; hubs assures me I am nutso and he didn’t get that vibe at all. (I’d probably be happier with a cheerleader overseeing my treatment instead of an RE.) I’m relieved to have made it to IUI land and am very happy to be in my first legit 2ww (I don’t really count December—the one ovulatory cycle I’ve had—with 3.2mm lining).
I know a lot of you are BIG BELIEVERS that “what the mind believes, the body achieves” and I agree that it’s gooooood to be positive and I appreciate the comments I’ve been getting to that effect. HOWEVER, I hope you will understand me feeling happy without simultaneously feeling like, “Ohhh yeah, this is IT!”
I was talking to hubs the night we triggered and I said, “Do you think there is ANY chance this could even work?” (Because in my heart I struggle to have even 1% of faith that my body can get pregnant. I want it so badly, but it just seems so foreign to me. PUPO? Not me, that would be totally ridic!) And hubs looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Of course it can work! Why would we go through all of this if it couldn’t?”
Hmmm. A good point.
Sometimes you have to let other people believe and hope for you.