My first 2ww

Oh, my lord. I am so freaking bloated! My ovary area feels exceptionally stabby and crampy. It hurts to sit, it hurts to walk. I’d use a sick day, but I know I’d just go home and Google the crap out of my numbers (Lining! One mature follie! Sample for today’s IUI!) and I don’t think that would be healthy (or fun)!

But mentally and emotionally, I am feeling happy, strong and more like myself than I have since TTC. Yip! 🙂 I will not attribute this to “hope,” because, quite honestly, I’m pretty lukewarm about everything. And I felt like Dr. K and nurse G were equally lukewarm about my chances this morning; hubs assures me I am nutso and he didn’t get that vibe at all. (I’d probably be happier with a cheerleader overseeing my treatment instead of an RE.) I’m relieved to have made it to IUI land and am very happy to be in my first legit 2ww (I don’t really count December—the one ovulatory cycle I’ve had—with 3.2mm lining).

I know a lot of you are BIG BELIEVERS that “what the mind believes, the body achieves” and I agree that it’s gooooood to be positive and I appreciate the comments I’ve been getting to that effect. HOWEVER, I hope you will understand me feeling happy without simultaneously feeling like, “Ohhh yeah, this is IT!”

I was talking to hubs the night we triggered and I said, “Do you think there is ANY chance this could even work?” (Because in my heart I struggle to have even 1% of faith that my body can get pregnant. I want it so badly, but it just seems so foreign to me. PUPO? Not me, that would be totally ridic!) And hubs looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Of course it can work! Why would we go through all of this if it couldn’t?”

Hmmm. A good point.

Sometimes you have to let other people believe and hope for you.

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23 Comments

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23 responses to “My first 2ww

  1. I am trying out “what the mind believes the body achieves” this time for the first time! (And doggone it, it’s going to WORK!!!) Praying this IUI is successful for you!!

  2. I just hope you won’t mind our optimism. ‘Cause you’re going to get a lot of it! For the moment I’ll just say I’m thrilled to death that all went smoothly, and that you are feeling happy and strong. How awesome is that, after all the months of fighting to keep hope alive!

  3. Oh gosh, I so know what you mean about wondering why we should even imagine something can work, when that hasn’t been the trajectory so far. But I also know that I had pretty much abandoned all hope before we got our first bfp, and I constantly remind myself of that when I start to feel like my negative attitude is going to cost me. When I’m in the 2ww I try to reassure myself by thinking that what will be is out of my control at that point and no amount of obsessing will tilt the results one way or the other.

    Hang in there, friend. The first real 2ww is a great place to be, but it can also really test our strength. I hope so much that this is your first and last 2ww for quite some time 🙂

  4. I couldn’t wait for this post today!! So excited for you.
    Hubs is exactly right– you wouldn’t go through all of this if there wasn’t a chance it would work. I’m so hopeful for you & hope that this 2ww is your last for a long, long time. *hugs*

  5. Mara

    Yay for the 2ww!!!! I am so, so excited and hopeful for you.

    Yuck on the bloat, so uncomfortable! I hope it gets better!

    I know what you mean about “in your heart” you struggle to believe that there is any way it could work for you. I feel that way too. But it will for both of us!

  6. Oh Egg, I’m just so excited for you. And I’ve totally been there, and thought why now would it all of the sudden work…but guess what, for some people it does!!! And your hubs is so right, if there was no chance you wouldn’t be doing this in the first place! And I’m hoping so hard this tww ends with a big fat BFP, but in any case this cycle should remind you that your body can get it done!! You grew follies, your lining got thicker than it ever has, and you IUIed!! All very awesome things that should remind you that this will happen for you! Thinking of you Egg!!

  7. It CAN work. And even if it doesn’t this time, it WILL work. Keep that hubs around… he’s a good egg 🙂

    Thinking of you!

    P.S. I think you’re totally smart and grounded and validated to think realistically about your chances. But I’m so glad you have some cheerleaders around to keep you guessing… you just never know what might happen.

  8. Al

    YIP!!! So excited for you, Egg! And I totally get the being happy but not hopeful thing – I never considered myself PUPO or ever thought “this is definitely going to work!” so I guess I’m sorta kinda proof that even if you don’t believe it will, it can happen. I support your realistic attitude.

    Try to enjoy your first two week wait. You definitely have a shot this cycle!! So excited for you 🙂 Hooray injects!

  9. Wishing you lots of luck, but understand not feeling all that optimistic. It’s hard to be after all this time. Hope you kick some major IUI butt and get a BFP!

  10. I’m so happy that you made it to iui land! I hope you have a quick two weeks and a happy ending! I’m thinking about you 🙂

  11. Jin

    Yay for feeling more like yourself than you’ve previously have been. That’s fantastic!

  12. I’m still just so incredibly excited that you get to live through the excruciating hell of a 2ww! (I mean that in the nicest possible way.) Glad your spirits are up – keep ’em that way!

  13. just getting to this pupo stage is a big milestone, so congrats :o) since i don’t ovulate either, the 2ww during my ivf cycle was the closest i’d ever gotten to getting pregnant, and i was soo happy just to get there. hey, iui has some good success rates. i hear it works for some folks out there, so *why not* you?? i hear you on the cautious/realistic attitude bc i’m the same way. i figure, we can only be *pleasantly surprised* if we think this way, right?? bc bad news is always expected, but the good stuff is gonna happen no matter what we’re thinking, so might as well have it be a surprise :o)

  14. Jeanna

    I think it’s always good to balance optimism with realism, but maybe you should just err — a little — on the side of optimism. God, I know what you mean when you say you cannot even imagine yourself pregnant. I feel oh so the same way. I’ve not quite been at this as long as you, but I can hardly even accept that I can ever achieve pregnancy. I have already categorized myself as someone whose body CAN’T do that.

    But, add that realism back in. We know that with help from technologically there is a VERY good chance we will achieve that. Maybe this month. Maybe not. (But one of these months is going to be the month we do it, so we might as well be optimistic each one because one of these months is our month and we don’t want to spend the first two weeks of pregnancy being down!

  15. hollytraveling

    May I remind you that you didn’t think you’d even make it to the 2ww…but you have and you’re here and that’s awesome so you definitely have every right in the world to hope here. And even if this is not your cycle, my friend, it doesn’t matter, because the point is you’re cycling!! Every month you’ve got a shot as good as anyone else! I’m so absolutely excited for you right now.

  16. Well you can count on me to believe bestie!!! Praying is continuing!!!

  17. YAY for good feelings. TTC is emotionally wearing so ENJOY :)! I also agree with your take on “what the mind believes, the body achieves.” I don’t think that I thought myself into infertility, nor miscarriage, and I don’t think you are going to think your way into anything with this process (does that make sense?). What will be will be and you have a very healthy attitude about it. You are on the right path, Egg, no matter what the result of your 2ww.

    Renae
    Personal blog: http://launderlife.wordpress.com

  18. Tarah

    Oh I’m sooooo excited for you Egg! I have hopes for you this cycle and I’m so glad your DH can be your cheerleader you need. Your 2ww will probably be just as long for me as my own because I’m so excited to hear how it turns out! haha! Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog!

    http://lovelyladybump.blogspot.com/

  19. Jenn

    Hi Egg,
    I just wanted to say hi. I don’t have my blog up and running yet because I have been all consumed with IF. But I have been reading your blog and you and I are IUI cycle buddies. I had my first Tuesday and Wed! Good Luck!

  20. JC

    Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog Egg! =) You’re the best!

    I’m really hoping for a miracle at the end of this 2ww for you. I hope you have a happy and zen 2ww and hopeing for great news!

  21. I am just sooooo happy that you made it! You are finally 2ww-ing my friend! I hope the bloat isn’t too bad, but just think what it means – the eggies are on their way to meeting hubby’s swimmers! It’s a good thing, although uncomfortable, I know.
    I hope the time goes quickly and you can keep the hope alive. I know I will for you!!

  22. LTB

    Almost 1week through the 2ww! Yippee! I’m so happy you are feeling great…and i’m so happy your triggered and actually got this show on the road! Such a relief! Be good to yourself this week!
    LTB

  23. Wow, your first 2ww! How exciting! I am full on optimistic, and super thrilled for you that even if this one isn’t the one, your cycles are coming under control enough to actually HAVE a 2ww. Congratulations— you actually MIGHT be pregnant! Which is a hell of a lot better than knowing you aren’t. Even though I bitch about the 2ww and also have sort of given up on it for myself, I still prefer this possibility to the follicular phase of my cycle, when I know I’m not pregnant. So annoying!

    In case you missed it, here’s my symptom post. You shouldn’t expect any until about 5-6 weeks:

    http://evolutionary-dead-end.blogspot.com/2010/04/no-symptoms-no-pregnancy.html

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