It didn’t work

There will be no cinematic, beginners-luck, image-of-a-positive-HPT, how-I-told-hubs finale to this cycle, dear bloggies. I guess I knew it in my heart of hearts when NOTHING felt even slightly different in me as the days ticked by during the 2ww. Still, one little line is a sad sight.

I think we’ll have a forced break in June, because of yet another wedding trip. (Gah!) Now that I’m stopping the prog supps, my period would have to show up by the weekend (and I’d have to be cyst-free, what are the chances with my history?!) for us to squeeze in another cycle before we leave town on June 18 (fyi, I didn’t IUI until CD17 of this cycle, and Dr. K wants to lower my dosage next time).

So, we will try again as soon as we can. And keep our fingers crossed that I just fell on the wrong side of the coin toss this month. That someday I WILL see two lines. In the meantime, I’m booking a consult with APlusB’s Dr. Awesome in June. My clinic has subpar IVF rates and his are the best in our area; we want to meet with him to begin exploring our options if we need to go that route. Maybe we’ll even do our next injects cycle with him. It might be time for a fresh start with a new clinic.

Positives of this cycle

1. My lining kicked ass! We have come so far from the dark Clomid days when Dr. C was talking about a surrogate.

2. I totally responded to the Gonal-F. More slowly than some folks, sure, but I did get a mature follie.

3. As always, hubs has great swimmers and for that we are very, very grateful.

4. We didn’t get canceled!

5. We made it to IUI-land for the first time!

Room for improvement

1. I would love to see my lining get past 8mm.

2. We had one mature follie this month. Next time it would be awesome to have two or three or four legitimately mature follies before triggering.

3. Hubs and I were both sick with colds on IUI day (him especially, poor guy). I sniffled and sneezed my way through the first week of the 2ww. Feeling 100% healthy would be great next time.

4. We traveled 9DPO and 11DPO; hopefully next cycle falls during a more chill, stay-at-home time in our lives.

5. I probably won’t go running during my next 2ww. I doubt it messed up anything, but the fact that I’m even writing this means I’m not 110% convinced it was okay.

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32 Comments

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32 responses to “It didn’t work

  1. Jeanna

    Yeeaah for the positives of this cycle and for knowing medical science and better luck WILL WORK one day. Boo for that damn one line! That line is such a bummer.

  2. DAMN. I’m sorry, Egg. I know you’re focusing on the positives, and there are some EXCELLENT positives to focus on, but I’m still so sorry this did not go all fairy tale. I’m glad you’re looking into a clinic with good IVF stats. I’ve always felt like a clinic with good IVF stats is probably good at other things too!

    (And just in case: I always felt okay the day I got my negative test, only to be smacked down by real sorrow when my period showed up. I hope the sense of accomplishment about actually getting to cycle carries you through this sad outcome, but thought I’d share my experience in case you find yourself hit hard a bit later.)

  3. I’m sorry, Egg! I had my fingers crossed tightly for the rookie home run, but I love the positives you’ve listed. It’s exciting that you’ve booked a consult with A+B’s RE. I’m definitely curious to hear what this new perspective might bring. Thinking of you today…

  4. boohoo on the bfn, but you had so many positives in this cycle!! i’m a firm believer that round 2 (whether it be of iui or ivf) has higher success rates than round 1, bc the RE learns how your body responds to drugs, and they can tweek protocols for the next time around. 2 is my new lucky number, so perhaps i’ll lend it to you :o)

  5. Egg, I’m so sorry. But I’m glad you are making such terrific progress with your cycles: good job on the lining this time (and I still can’t believe you were told you might need a surrogate, sheesh!), and I think you had a really nice response to the gonal-f (and btw, my experience with gonal-f was better some cycles than others, so I feel like you may have an even better response with some adjustment in dose!).

    And I think it’s great you’re getting a consult from Dr. Awesome. ALWAYS good to get a second opinion, and you just may find that he’s a better fit for you guys.

  6. I think a consult with Dr. Awesome sounds… awesome! I think higher IVF success rates are a good gauge for other kinds of success, too. That’s what I’m considering as I pick a clinic to make my first appointment with.

    Egg, you sound so positive and hopeful, and that is wonderful. You’re right that there were a lot of good things that happened this cycle (the lining improvement is huge!). I’m so, so, so sorry that you couldn’t get some “beginner’s” luck. I’m with Sienna, I hope this was just a practice round, and the next iui gets it right.

  7. Darn it. I was hoping so hard that you’d get a surprise BFP this morning. As much as you’re *prepared* for a negative, it always stings. But way to focus on the positives! There were SO many good things about this cycle, it was just bad luck. You are going to rock your next cycle, Egg! XOXO

  8. I’m sorry Egg, was really rooting for the one hit wonder! Well, I love where you heads at…you really did have so much good stuff going on this cycle and it just shows how far you’ve come. I think its great you’ve got a consult booked with A’s RE! I can never hurt to get a new perspective on things. Thinking of you!!

  9. Kate

    I’m so sorry:< Good for you at looking at the positives.

  10. Boo for the BFN. I was so hopeful for you. But I am so happy that you have such a great, positive outlook on everything. I really really REALLY hope that August’s cycle is the one for you. And good luck with your consult at the other clinic! The best thing I ever did was change clinics. Even though I still don’t have my BFP, I feel way more comfortable with the new doc.

  11. Tarah

    I’m so so sorry Egg 😦 I was really rooting for you. I’m glad you made a list of positives this cycle! 🙂 Hopefully you can cycle again and I’ll now switch from BFP to NO CYSTS in my prayers for you.

    http://lovelyladybump.blogspot.com/

  12. What a bummer. I’m so sorry, but I love how you listed the positives! Will be hoping your next cycle will “end” differently!

  13. I’m sorry, lady. Even if you’ve set yourself up to “know” it will be negative, it still sucks to see that lonely little line. That said, you are TOTALLY RIGHT about all of the positives this cycle, AND congrats on moving forward with a new doc! Perhaps a new perspective with shake things up a bit.

    Try not to get too down about the timing of the next few months. Once you see those two lines you won’t even remember details like having to wait a few weeks to try again.

    Hang in there!

  14. I’m sorry, Egg. I was really hoping your first “real” try would be your last!

  15. crap on a duck. i’m sorry.

  16. Mara

    I was really hoping for this cycle, too. But you have a great list of positives and I think also think it’s awesome that you are going to see Dr. Awesome!

    I know what you mean about one line being a sad sight. I am very confident you will see two in the near future 🙂

    That sucks about the June break. I’m hoping for no cysts!

  17. Well, shit. Good for you for focusing on the positives, but still….shit.

    You learned a lot this cycle and it’s great that you will be seeing Dr. Awesome, but…

    Shit.

  18. Oh, Egg, I felt like I was on this roller-coaster with you this month. I’m sorry you didn’t get your BFP. I am so glad your lining is improving and hope that it continues to make progress. So sorry, Egg.

    Renae from Launderlife

  19. Al

    Ugh, I’m sorry for the BFN. :-(. I wish you would have gotten a positive right out of the gates. But you’re right there were so many great things about your cycle – great lining, response, and you got to IUI!! Great things.

    I think a second opinion is a great idea ~ and from what APlusB has said, that clinic sounds like it’s much more lax about the cysts, which would be great for you.

    I hope IUI #2 is it for you!

  20. I’m sorry it didn’t work out…but i’m glad you have some positives to look at…

  21. I’m really sorry that you didn’t get to be an exciting beginner’s luck story for me to tell people forever about. But then again, who really is?

    I’m still VERY excited about how your lining kicked ass and am keeping my fingers crossed for iui #2!

  22. I am right there with you cycle buddy 😦 . However, I cannot muster up any positives right now, I just feel like crap. Hopefully IUI #2 will be it for both of us. I enjoyed the hell out of some diet coke today- Did you have any coffee?

  23. Jackie

    Yay for seeing the positive side! It’s great that you can have such a balanced view of the cycle. Glad to read that you’re still hopeful!
    Best of luck at your consult. A fresh perspective can never hurt! My dh and I are switching docs too when we start ttc again, for very similar reasons.
    Keeping my fingers crossed that next time will be THE time! 🙂

  24. JC

    I’m sorry Egg! I hope you guys get a BFP next time. You’re right, you had a lot of positives this cycle so hopefully it’s right around the corner =).

  25. I’m so sorry. (HUGS)

  26. hollytraveling

    Damn. I’m so sorry. I was so hoping. But you made an awesome comeback this cycle nonetheless. I mean look at you Egg, fluffy lining, cycling like a pro, now it’s only a matter of when, not if.

  27. Sorry that things didn’t work out this time, but there were so many positive things to come out of your first IUI. I’m excited for what the future holds for you!

  28. (((Hugs)))
    I’m sorry dear Egg…I’m keeping my hope high over here for you for next time.
    Love,
    Maddy

  29. *hugs* I’m so sorry it didn’t work this month. Your time is coming, I just know it.

  30. I was really hoping this cycle would work for you. Trying things with a new doctor sounds like a positive step. I suspect that better IVF rates would also correlate with higher rates of success using other methods like IUI. Sorry again for the negative. 😦

  31. There are so many good things that happened this cycle! I am so excited for y’all bestie!

  32. So sorry, Egg. Your ability to look at the positives (and there are many) is wonderful. I need to follow your lead.

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