Clinic #2

I called clinic #2 yesterday to discuss “what’s next.” Do we need to do a second consult with Dr. Awesome before beginning treatment? Should we go right to IVF? What happens if I have a cyst? Should we try a third and final IUI?

The nurse was lovely and went through my file with me and answered all of my questions. She said Dr. A is satisfied with hubs’s SA results and my hormone levels from the fasting blood tests I did a few weeks ago. He feels an IUI is not a waste of time, but he would support our decision to do IVF, too. It’s 100% up to us what we do next. She went through the IVF start dates for the fall and asked me to call back as soon as we’ve made a decision—either way—so we can get the necessary meds ordered and paperwork signed. I also gave her all of the relevant details from this current cycle and let out a sigh of relief when she didn’t seem fazed by my number of big follies vs. low E2 number. (I’m sorry about this, but you should know that I am QUITE obsessed with my estrogen and will probably be talking about it for a while. 🙂 )

On Friday, when I got my E2 results, the only thing that prevented me from melting down at work was the thought that we could go directly to IVF and be done with this #@$^#* IUI crap. But the more I think I about it, the more I feel like we should probably do an IUI with Dr. A and let him get a firsthand feel for my body’s weirdness and response. Besides, he will have a different protocol (potenitally stepping up my Gonal-F dosing mid-cycle, not using Luveris, adding Ganirelix to absolutely prevent premature leutinization) and that could be helpful as a diagnostic when creating my IVF plan.

Plus, there is a chance this low E2 thing would happen again during an IVF cycle. IVF is not a guarantee that I’ll have good hormone levels, a fluffy lining and some good eggies. Everything is a freaking crapshoot, even IVF.

So I am thinking that we will do an injects/IUI cycle with Dr. A in August. (Hopefully my cysties only keep me on the bench for a week or so this next cycle?) And if that IUI doesn’t work, we’ll either jump into the September 12 or the October 3 IVF cycle. I have a fair amount of unused vacation left and want to take a REAL trip with hubs (not a wedding weekend trip where we eat all of our meals with place cards in front of us). So maybe we’d take September off treatment, take a trip just the two of us, and come back ready to IVF in October. (Side note: It’s painful to think about taking a voluntary month off, given all of my bench time.)

Behind all of this planning, excel sheet calculating, etc—I am almost ashamed to admit it—but, the teenie tiniest bit of hope is maybe-sorta-kinda blossoming. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s treating myself like a pregnant woman…no glasses of red vino after a long day at work, no runs along the lake, no lifting weights in front of the Today Show, no hot yoga classes. Maybe it’s the emails/blog updates I’ve been reading with “It worked!” updates. Maybe it’s the hope that we are about to begin working with a new doctor and a new clinic. But the moment I  start to feel hope, my face blushes red and hot with the ridiculousness of it all. I feel like a complete fool. I have visions of the Baby Gods Up Above shaking their heads and whispering to one another, “Poor thing, she actually thinks there might be a chance.”

I want this to be over. Over. Over. Over. I have never been so ready to have the luxury of thinking about something else, my friends!!!

PS Anyone seen Season 5 of Weeds? We have been watching the DVDs all summer and began the final disc last night. Darnit if the plot development isn’t a complete buzz kill. I mean…a show about drugs and pot where the lead character perpetually carries around either 1) a venti iced Starbucks, or 2) a bottle of white wine? I thought I was safe getting hooked on it!

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “Clinic #2

  1. Tarah

    I’m so excited for you that you’re feeling hope! That’s a good thing. Of course you have a chance, maybe this is your cycle, maybe it’ll be with the new doctor or maybe it’ll be with IVF. I have hope that you will someday see the two lines staring back up at you and we will all join you in happy tears and jumping for joy.

  2. I think that doing an IUI with the new doc is a good idea. It will definitely give that clinic some good, first-hand information about you…and the more info they have, the more likely you’ll be successful. 🙂

  3. Trying at least one more IUI with the new doc is a good plan, especially since he is going to use a different drug protocol. I hope that you don’t have to move on to IVF, but if you do, I’m glad there is a plan in place with a doctor you like. And I am SO glad that you are feeling hopeful. Keep that spark going… I’ll be cheering for you, as always!

  4. So glad to read that hope is creeping in. It’s the only way you’ll get through the next two weeks and I have my fingers crossed so hard that this is it for you.
    I think it’s a good idea to IUI with Dr. A. IVF is a big commitment and you’ll want him to have the most information possible.

  5. AL

    I like the idea of one more IUI with the new doc, if this month wasn’t it for you. It will give him an idea of how your bod’s going to respond to meds. And up your chances of a rockin’ IVF cycle if IUIs don’t work. But I so hope there’s no need to move on to IVF.

  6. love the plan to do an iui with new doc first. let him get a feel for your body before doing ivf. i’m very certain that had i done an iui before my first ivf, we would’ve seen right away that i’m an overresponder.

    let’s you and i make a deal. we can combine our e2 levels going forward, bc if we avg our numbers, we seem to be a normal person. my e2 was 3000 on day 6 of stims during ivf (i was on 75 iu’s of gonal f by that point, down from 150) and it was still sky high. i have the opposite wish than you do, that my e2’s stay under control this next cycle. so, why don’t you take some of mine, i’ll take some of yours, and we’ll both be fine!!

    i’m exhausted and ivf #2 starts next week. universe, please give us (healthy) babies. we’re tired!!!

  7. I agree, I like the idea of Dr. Awesome getting all the info he can get about your body during one last IUI, and use that if you should need to head to IVF. And I know the break months are so hard, but if you can schedule a fun trip with the hubs during…I think that would be amazing, especially if you’re about to start IVF! And we just started weeds this summer, just finished season 2. Loving it so far, but agree…she makes me want an iced coffee SO bad!! Hoping so hard for you egg!!

  8. I’m also delighted a little hope is creeping in. For me it always does during the wait, no matter how dismal my prospects (like even while on depot lupron, which prevents ovulation…) I was wondering to what extent the challenges you’ve faced would still be challenges with IVF, so your plan sounds really smart. Which I’d expect from you guys.

  9. I love your plan 🙂 My estrogen was never great either, so I have been there with all the wondering about it!!

  10. Your plan looks fantastic! I think a test-the-waters IUI with the new clinic is a great way to begin (and you never know, you could avoid the IVF landscape altogether). Hope is beautiful. And you are *not* crazy and *not* tempting fate by believing this could work because it *will* and you *will* have a baby. I demand it!

    Vacation in September sounds perfect. And if you start IVFs in Sept/Oct we could be starting treatment at the same time!

  11. Glad the people at clinic #2 are nice. I agree with your decision. If you do an iui with him before jumping into ivf the new doc can see first hand what he wants to tweak before he goes with the big guns. I don’t mind that you talk about your low estrogen a lot. I do the same thing 😉

  12. CW

    Hey Eggie I have been following your baby journey the last few months and I know what you mean about hope. Sometimes I want to meet the person that is currently writing the script for my life and fire his ass. But hope is what we need. If we run out of hope we might as well give up. This could be the one. We never know. At least you have Dr A up your sleeve for your plan B. Good luck!

  13. I, like your other commenters, am totally down with your plan of one more IUI with the new doctor, then on to IVF. Although you may feel like IUIs will never work for you, the fact is that A) they certainly could work for you!; and B) allowing your new Dr. to do a “test run” is a very good idea, especially since you don’t always respond “optimally.”

    Oh, and you should have hope, dear Egg! I’ve read enough IF blogs at this point to know that BFPs happen even in not-so-perfect cycles. Sometimes it seems they happen as much (or more) than BFPs in “perfect” cycles!

  14. I’m so glad to hear that you have hope. I am so amazed by your ability to process all of the information you have and turn it into a series of steps; it really sounds like you have a path forwards, and that is wonderful.

    Also, I really really wish I could give you some of my freaking estrogen….too high, too low, it’s like the Three Bears over here.

  15. I don’t think it’s foolish to hope. It’s foolish to *assume*, sure, but hope? Not at all. It’s authentic and good. Got my fingers crossed!

  16. I think your plan sounds super, and I too am very very hopeful for you. IVF has like a 60% success rate!!! And NOBODY does IVF unless they’ve banged their head bloody against the IF wall already… so I think you SHOULD be very hopeful.

    As for weeds, I got about 1/2 way through season 1, when I was suddenly beyond bored… hello? Where are all the drug-hijinx? I agree…

  17. hollytraveling

    That all sounds like a fabulous plan, including the trip. I think you’ll find that a voluntary break will be quite refreshing. You’ll be in control of your body versus the other way around, plus it’ll be good to rest up before IVF.

    And hope is good. Yes, it sucks, and is a sneaky little bastard, always getting in the backdoor without you knowing, but you have every right to hope. You’ll get this Egg.

  18. I’m smiling over here to see you hopeful.
    IUI with Dr. Awesome sounds like a good idea. Fingers crossed that he finds the perfect protocol for you!

  19. I am hoping and hoping that you won’t need to worry about clinic #2 but if you do I think that you have made a great plan! Fingers crossed!

  20. Kate

    I know I said pull out the big guns and do IVF, but I think it actually might be wise to do an IUI w/ the new dr so that he can see how you respond. B/f I did IVF, I did IUI w/ my RE and I think that gave them a better sense of how I’d react to the meds. Unfortunately, we can’t have omniscience and know what the best thing to do is in these sort of situations.

    BTW, I’m obsessed w/ my estrogen, too. F’ing 24 this past friday?!!! WHAT??? I’ve been researching low estrogen levels and they say its b/c of eating disorders or over-exercise. I’m a big eater, so I’m pretty sure that I don’t have an eating disorder (of course, now I’m paranoid), but over-exercise. That might be a possibility. Especially if I’m being compared to the typical sendentary american. What is moderation???

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