It had to be done

You know how I’ve been to a half-dozen out of town weddings recently? Well, I just bailed on the final one that’s the last weekend in July after RSVPing “yes” two weeks ago. I hemmed and hawed over sending that RSVP, but ultimately decided that there was a VERY slim chance I would be cycling and unable to go. Plus, the wedding is in my hometown and thanks to this spring and summer filled with weddings and monitoring, I haven’t flown home to see my siblings and parents since CHRISTMAS! I was excited to go home.

But our priority is making a baby. With five months on the bench with those dang cysties since October, voluntarily sitting out a month just wasn’t an option for hubs and me after our second round of injects/IUI didn’t work. Honestly, I was really really relieved and happy when Dr. A gave me the green light to cycle after Saturday’s baseline monitoring.

So I made up an excuse and last night I told my childhood friend that I could not be at her wedding. (Absolutely nooooo desire to share my very private medical situation with anyone but hubs, my parents, and you guys!) She said she was “bummed but understood.” And now I’ll give the same party-line to my little brother and little sister and older brother (who was maybe going to fly home that weekend, too, so we could all be together). And even though I know this is the time to put hubs and me first, and to take care of my body and put the rest of my life on hold so I can be here for treatment, I still feel like a selfish jerk. You know?

Oh well, it’ll all be okay. Zen zen zen zen.



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18 responses to “It had to be done

  1. you’re not a selfish jerk!! being bench sucks in the worst way possible, so we need to take every avail opp to try to get us knocked up. dr A sounds awesome, and i love that you’re doing another IUI with him first, so he can get a feel for how your body works before possibly moving on to ivf. i hope this is a lucky cycle for both of us :o)

  2. Nah not a selfish jerk. Life is full of hard decisions and it sounds like you made the right one. Sending lots of luck for this upcoming cycle!

  3. Hi there! Been lurking on you blog for the last few weeks. Just wanted you to know that I applaud you for your honesty. I feel guilty saying no sometimes too. I think people have a hard time understanding how important having a baby is to an infertile and how much time and energy you have to put into it. If she knew, she would hopefully understand. Best of luck on this next cycle, you deserve it!

  4. You won’t feel like a selfish jerk when this cycle works. You’ll pat yourself on the back and say “I’m SO glad I listened to my heart.”

    Feeling great about this cycle for you Egg. Keeping my fingers crossed & holding my breath.

  5. You are N-O-T a selfish jerk. You are taking care of yourself and I am so happy you are putting your needs first… because your needs (and your husband’s needs) should be top priority! Always remember that. And you won’t be feeling selfish when you get knocked up this cycle. Trust me.

    Thinking positive and crossing my fingers that Dr. A is the key to your BFP. 🙂

  6. Kate

    It’s FIIIINE. This is your number one priority. Other things can be a priority once this is over. As long as you continue to have fun and enjoy life.

  7. I am impressed that you were brave enough to call her! I probably would have tried to find a convoluted way to go and still cycle, adding more stress to the whole situation. I’m glad you’re putting YOU first!!

  8. You gotta do what you need to do to stay within your plan. Don’t feel bad. I hope it works!

  9. Nope, not a selfish jerk. Not at all. I’m amazed at the number of weddings you and DH have made it to in the last six months–totally amazed! You need this time right now to focus on each other and this cycle and getting things off to a great start with Dr. Awesome and his team.

    I’m really hopeful that this is the start of new good luck for you. No more being benched, no more wasting time. These doctors are going to get the job done!

  10. AL

    You are not a selfish jerk my dear egg! This is your #1 priority right now, you have to give it your best shot. You’ve been to so many out of town weddings this year, you can’t make them all.

    Hoping that this cycle is it for you!

  11. That’s tough but you made the right decision for you and hubs!

  12. Mara

    I would feel like a selfish jerk, too, but you absolutely are not one. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you. I’m so glad that you didn’t get benched and can cycle this month!

  13. I know. But you’re not. Somehow it’s often much harder to take care of yourself than of others.
    Fingers crossed for this month!

  14. It WILL all be ok. This is only one wedding and one day in the grand scheme of your whole life. And who knows… maybe it will be THIS decision that changes everything for you.

    Don’t regret it; roll with it. Friends will understand!

  15. Selfish jerk? No.

    You will get back there to see your family, and your friend, and her new husband, soon enough. For now, cycle cycle cycle!

  16. You are not a selfish jerk, I only wish I had stuck up for myself with this wedding in Colorado. Maybe I could have you call our family friends for me? Ok- thanks!!!
    I would love to split a pizza with you- any time my dear- maybe a celebatory one sometime in the NEAR future. Injects start as soon as AF comes which should be any day now since the spotting has started. I am super excited!!!!!

  17. You absolutely did the right thing. Good for you!

  18. You are absolutely, 100% NOT a selfish jerk. This is your life, your priority, and you have to do what is best for you. I know it sucks when cycling takes OVER our lives, but it will be so worth it. Hang in there my friend!

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