Can we be friends?

That’s what hubs and I say to each other as a way to make up after we’ve argued. Those words are code for, “I don’t want to be in a fight in more, let’s move on!” An olive branch, if you will.

I feel like that’s what I’m doing with blogging. I want to be friends with it again. Lately I’ve been focusing more on commenting and less on writing about myself because it was fueling my tendency to freak out, moan, weep, obsess, complain and feel jealous and angry and sorry for myself. There is a fine line between venting and enabling negativity. I am working hard to find the balance. I want blogging to be a healthy, therapeutic thing for me again.

I’m still trucking along with injections and monitoring for IUI 3.0 at Clinic #2. Dr. Awesome is using a similar protocol to Clinic #1’s, except instead of Luveris to help out my super-duper low LH, he asked me to begin inject low-dose HCG on my fifth night of stims and also to start Ganirelix (to prevent premature ovulation) on my seventh night of stims. I’ve “checked out” (well, more than usual) and I’ve been letting hubs do the Googling and cycle comparing when I get monitoring results. He has also been taking the pressure/stress off of me with injections. He preps them each night (mixing up the low dose HCG, dealing with the Ganirelix, setting up the Gonal-F pen), and then injects me while I look away. It’s amazing what a difference it makes to take all of my injections in the evening and to have someone else worry about them for me!

I’ve also been focusing on being more gentle with my body. I’ve been doing lots of yoga, and no running. I bought a meditation CD aimed at infertility and have actually been leaving my desk for a half hour every day at “lunch time” (we all eat at our desks) and listening to it on a park bench. I’ve been practicing the deep breathing I learned on that spa trip with my Mom in April. I have not managed to chillax into a blissful Yogi state by any means, but I am really trying to be more “okay” with everything. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. Even Steven.

Honestly, I know that all of the hard work I’m doing on myself hangs in a fine balance….the moment my cycle goes off the rails, or a friend emails with baby news, or whatever, I could potentially melt down. It’s easy to be Zen when everything’s going okay. Still, it’s more pleasant than the alternative—being a crumpled mess of despair no matter HOW things are going.

I’m trying really hard to take this cycle day by day dear bloggies. I’m trying to find my sweet spot.

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16 Comments

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16 responses to “Can we be friends?

  1. LTB

    I’m so happy that you can be friends with your blog again! I miss your frequent updates, whether they are rants or totally zen! It sounds like you are taking great care of yourself this cycle and in all of this …that is the MOST important thing! Sending good vibes your way!
    LTB

  2. I’m glad you are getting back into blogging. I’ve really missed you and your posts. Yes, I’ve even missed the sad and weepy posts! I love that you are trying to stay zen, but just know that we are here to read the good, bad, and the ugly. It sounds like you are really doing well, though. Aren’t yoga and meditation wonderful? I hope your zen attitude brings you lots of luck this cycle.

    xo

  3. FCblacksheep

    “Can we be friends”…that’s adorable.

    It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job of taking care of yourself. Keep it up!

  4. Egg, it sounds like you are really taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally right now. If blogging needs to take a back seat, then that’s how it is. We’ll still be here waiting for you when you want to post. And you never stop being amazingly supportive to all of us, which means so much.

    Dr. Awesome sounds like he is living up to his name. I really, really hope this cycle is it, but I’m glad you are doing all you can to keep yourself steady no matter what happens. I’m thinking of giving meditation tapes a try too! The park bench at lunch sounds lovely.

    Thinking of you!

  5. I like the hcg protocol. I’ve seen it help others when started post-ov (I think 3, 5 & 7 dpo . . .not the exact same protocol as you but it sounds like it is similar).

    You are doing great at trying to focus on the right things. I’m not good at being zen even when there is smooth sailing.

  6. “It’s easy to be Zen when everything’s going ok”
    You’re so right. I love the idea of the meditation CD in the park. I hope it helps!
    Thinking of you, and hoping you can be friends with your blog and your body again.

  7. Love you bestie! You do whatever makes you happy and we will be here for you!!

  8. I’m glad to see you posting again. You have to do what’s right for you, but (as evidenced by your comments here) WE MISSED YOU!

    It sounds like you’ve got a lot of things going for you this cycle and I’m so glad to hear that your husband is helping.

  9. I’m really happy you’re striving for the Zen. It sounds like you’re getting there and taking the steps. It also sounds like your husband rocks. I love that he’s doing all of this for you and helping you. Always sending positive vibes and crossed fingers your way. Hopefully Dr. Awesome knows a trick the other place didn’t!

  10. one day at a time is also how i’m taking things right now. thinking even 2 days down the line stresses me out right now, so i’m trying not to do that and just chill. dh does my shots as well, and it’s soo nice to have someone else worrying about the mixing and prep work. i think it’d be so much more stressful if i had to do them myself. glad you’re in zen mode and taking care of yourself! xoxo.

  11. Sounds like you are doing everything right…treating your body gently, minimizing stress, and taking it day by day. However blogging fits into that equation is completely up to you. If you want to let it out on your blog, that’s totally fine, but if staying away keeps you calm, that’s perfectly fine, too. You’ve gotta do what’s best for YOU. But, of course, I love your updates and writing 🙂

  12. So happy to hear from you, Egg… thinking about you all of the time. I’m so happy to hear that DH is taking over some of this– it certainly won’t keep you completely stress free, but I’m sure it goes a long way… XOXO.

  13. Kelly

    Relaxing is something I definitely need to incorporate more into my life. Good for you!

    I’m really hoping that IUI 3.0 is the one.

  14. AL

    It sounds like you’re in such a great place with everything, Egg, focusing on you and your mental health. Good for you :-). Hope that these small tweaks in protocol make a successful IUI 3.0! GL!

    I get what you mean on blogging – I could be writing about my first cycle back what cd I’m on, charting, etc, but it’s just not something I want to focus on or think about. I’m having a rough time finding my sweet spot right now, too.

  15. I’ll be your friend if you’ll be mine 😉 I had to re-find my blogging legs a few weeks ago, too, and while I’m not back to where I was when we were doing treatments, I think I have found my happy medium (with blogging, IF, etc.). 🙂 Take your time- you’ll find yours, too!

  16. I love that you sound so relaxed. Okay, and I’m a little envious. I might have to hit you up for the name of that meditation CD.

    Having your hubs take over some of the responsibilities is such an awesome idea and I’m so glad it’s working for you!

    I think Dr. Awesome, together with your positive outlook, is going make it happen!

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