Zen zen zen zen

I am currently oscillating between I-want-to-hug-everyone happiness and pretty serious anxiety. Our ultrasound is on Friday morning (21dpiui) and I am so nervous about what the tech will discover. She’ll be looking for a gestational sac, right? It seems so early to see anything but I’m so grateful I get to go in before the weekend. Please let the sac be there and let it be just right.

In my anxious moments, I think about howt my Beta didn’t quite double (I cannot get those freaking numbers out of my head!) and that I still have no symptoms—zero physical proof that anything is different (please give me a sign!). But those are just places to fixate my worries: I know that I would feel anxiety, no matter what.

I am trying my hardest not to let the anxious thoughts rule me. I’ve done the ellip the past two days and that has helped ease some of my pent up energy. I’m also listening to a track from my meditation CDs daily and last night I did a gentle yoga DVD after work. And I’m cooking like crazy. Distractions! The best I can be right now is cautiously hopeful. And I choose to feel that way.

We are so very, very happy. We want this to work so very, very much. And we are hoping for the best: a perfect sac on Friday.

Zen zen zen zen.

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “Zen zen zen zen

  1. D

    Just keep reminding yourself that everyone is different, and your body will react to it all in its own unique way. My Mom was sick as a dog with both of us, and my Aunt just cruised through her pregnancy without so much as a brownie craving. Maybe you’re just one of the lucky ones! I am sending every positive thought I can muster your way for the ultrasound…its going to be great.

  2. my theory on early symptoms is that those of us who’ve been hanging out with the fertility docs of the world will have to wait months before anything feels as intense as all the drugs we had to take just to try to get pregnant.

    hell, i don’t feel half as strange now as i did after a few days of stims, and they keep telling me that i’m increasingly pregnant, week after week.

  3. Woo-hoo, Egg! I haven’t wished you a BIG, FAT congratulations yet, I had loads of guests this past weekend so I wasn’t on the computer much.
    Anyway, so happy for you. Hope all goes well on Friday!

  4. Very excited to see a pic of your beautiful and perfect sac!!!!

    Don’t worry about the symptoms, I didn’t have any til 6 weeks and then I had more than I knew what to do with 🙂

    So very excited for you!

  5. Tarah

    Yes, they’re going to just want to see a sac – AND don’t worry if it takes a while. For my first u/s I’m SO glad someone gave me a heads up that they check your uterus last – they’re checking everything else out and then get around to seeing the sac. So if they’re quiet for a while, don’t freak out.

    I am sending you zen thoughts as well, I’m so thrilled beyond words for you and I have my fingers so tightly crossed that this is your healthy & sticky baby. Looking forward to your Friday update!

  6. Kate

    Nothing you can do right now will make it stick; it is out of your hands. Let it go….and what will be, will be.

    This being said…so what if you are overjoyed. So what if you are esctatic and in a kissing strangers type of mood. These moments you will never get back and why not allow yourself some unadulterated joy. Get to the ultrasound and give yourself a little treat: buy a baby something. Eeek! :>

  7. Kate

    P.S. I felt nothing until I was 6 weeks pregnant.

  8. Kelly

    I have SO much hope for you!

    I would be anxious and worried about it too. Keep the distractions coming. It’s all you can do.

  9. It’s funny, I’m so used to your posts being about cysts and keeping your head together while being benched again that it’s still just miraculous to read about you being pregnant. So I can only imagine how crazy this all is for you guys. Cautiously hopeful sounds like right place to be!

  10. Sending you some more zen zen zen. Half way through the week already!

  11. FCblacksheep

    Oh Egg!!!! Can I give a belated congratulations-this-is-awesome-news-I’m-so-excited yeah-BFP shout out?? I just got back from vacation and seeing you got a BFP made it a super duper happy ending. This is so wonderful. Hope the next couple days fly by.

  12. I, too, am hoping for a perfect sac for you on Friday! I can understand your feelings of trepidation, but in the end you should just try and enjoy this time as much as possible. There is no reason to think that once you’ve gotten pregnant things will not progress just as the should!

  13. I know Friday can’t come soon enough! I have always written off the symptoms thing this early on. Some people have them and some people don’t and every pregnancy is different. With my sister, she had major symptoms with her first child, but none until 9w with her 2nd.

    Keep up the zen. I’m so excited for you to see the little sac on Friday! You’ll fall in love!

  14. FINALLY!!!! i haven’t been able to post on a wordpress blog in DAYS and it’s been making me crazee, to say the least.

    what i was trying to write (fourteen times) was, that i’m sending you good vibes for friday. i won’t accept anything less than stellar, perfect news for you and hope that you see exactly what you’re supposed to that day (altho, i’m not quite sure what you’re supposed to see, as my knowledge doesn’t extend past a bfp) :o) also, thanks sooo much for your comment yesterday. it made me cry, but in a good way. i know you 100% understand how i’m feeling, and it makes it bearable that i have you guys holding my hand. so big hugs to you :o) xoxoxoxo.

  15. I know how worried you must be. The wait until Friday must feel enormous. But I think you’re doing all the right things: keeping busy and trying to stay relaxed. Just keep it up and you’ll get there!

  16. Good luck! I hope it goes well.

    We are pretty much cycle buddies. I ovulated on the 30 or 31st and got a BFP too. Hope we go all the way!

  17. It will be ok! It was really close to doubling. I’m crossing my fingers and I will be checking back.

  18. I’m hoping and praying for you, too, Egg! Please let there be a beautiful little bean in there for you. You’ve already gotten over the 1st hurdle–getting pregnant!–so let’s get through this one, too. Good luck. xo

  19. U/S tomorrow! I hope you get a good long look at the sac! It’s not necessarily a done deal, no, but the probabilities are definitely on your side with your great betas and everything. And, it’s WAY early for symptoms. Don’t sweat that!

    Crossing my fingers for tomorrow!

  20. keeping everything crossed for you! good luck tomorrow! zen zen zen zen!

  21. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!

    I just cheated on my no internet in Scandinavia rule to literally check your blog and your blog only and I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE FUCKING PREGNANT!!! Baby Egg, you better be growing like a weed when I get home on Saturday!

  22. Good luck tomorrow! EVERYTHING crossed!

  23. Well, you made it to Friday!! I can’t wait to hear about your ultrasound!! Good luck this morning!

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