I am currently oscillating between I-want-to-hug-everyone happiness and pretty serious anxiety. Our ultrasound is on Friday morning (21dpiui) and I am so nervous about what the tech will discover. She’ll be looking for a gestational sac, right? It seems so early to see anything but I’m so grateful I get to go in before the weekend. Please let the sac be there and let it be just right.
In my anxious moments, I think about howt my Beta didn’t quite double (I cannot get those freaking numbers out of my head!) and that I still have no symptoms—zero physical proof that anything is different (please give me a sign!). But those are just places to fixate my worries: I know that I would feel anxiety, no matter what.
I am trying my hardest not to let the anxious thoughts rule me. I’ve done the ellip the past two days and that has helped ease some of my pent up energy. I’m also listening to a track from my meditation CDs daily and last night I did a gentle yoga DVD after work. And I’m cooking like crazy. Distractions! The best I can be right now is cautiously hopeful. And I choose to feel that way.
We are so very, very happy. We want this to work so very, very much. And we are hoping for the best: a perfect sac on Friday.
Zen zen zen zen.