Where I turn into a puddle

I have not taken one second of my new state for granted. Yes, I’m pretty much constantly consumed with anxiety all the time, but literally every moment feels like a blessing. IF has taught me what a miracle it is to create a life, and I am in awe of my body and hubs’s body, and of science, and of awesome doctors. I mean, a year ago I was a girl who didn’t ovulate and couldn’t get her lining past 3.2mm….now I have two tiny growing embryos inside me. How did this happen? How did I get so lucky? I never thought I would be where I am, even though we were working so hard for it, and investing so much in it. I just….I never thought, I couldn’t imagine it, I didn’t believe I would get to be so lucky. It is like a dream come true, and it’s melted me into a puddle of respect and gratefulness and love.

Right now I’m literally shaking with relief and happiness. I had my first OB-GYN appointment this afternoon and both the babies looks great. They were big enough for crown-to-rump measurements and they were at 8w6d. So I zipped ahead a few days, yip!

There were many, many cool parts about the appointment, but the biggest one was my doctor, who I adore. She is really smart, really kind, and really chill (she told me it’s fine to run and do the ellip until she tells me it’s not fine; absolutely not to worry about my lack of nausea and breast soreness; flying is fine; etc). I totally clicked with her. She’s like a female version of Dr. Awesome, my RE, and that is pretty much PERFECTION. I’m nicknaming her Dr. Zen…so you know this is real love. Plus, the office is really beautiful and peaceful and I’m kinda obsessed with everything about it.

The other cool thing about the appointment was that—surprise!—we got to do a 3D ultrasound. (It was done on my my tum, not internal….whoa!) Ummm, amazing. For the first time it didn’t look like Baby A was totally squishing Baby B. And the detail was so good that I could make out little feet—both sets were up in the air like the babies were lounging at the beach. My little beach bums. 🙂 It was honestly the sweetest, awesomest thing I’ve seen in my entire life. Dr. Zen was so lovely during the ultrasound, she kept saying, Beautiful! These kiddos look perfect! And other reassuring stuff like that, while she would pat my knee. I heart her you guys, I really really do.

FYI, the reason for the 3D ultrasound was that the normal run-of-the-mill 2D ultrasound she did showed a suspect spot that looked like a third gestational sac that had an “echo reading” (heartbeat). Yes, I am serious. Dr. Zen kept saying, “Don’t freak out, I’m sure it’s not another baby, it’s probably a mirror image reading.” But she was concerned enough to have a special tech do a special ultrasound to count up the babies. Apparently in “thin” (haha) women, 2D ultrasounds can sometimes create this disturbing mirror image effect…which might’ve made it look like another sac. They also think it could’ve been my awfully enlarged right ovary, which continues to give me stabby pains. At any rate, just TWO babies. It was an intense moment there, let me tell you.

The rest the (long) appointment was filled with blood work, a flu shot, a pap smear (I had no idea that you could get those in pregnancy, also it was a long painful road to my cervix thanks to almost 7 weeks worth of Crinone buildup, groooooss), breast exam, internal and external uterus exam, medical history, pregnancy 101 info, genetic screening info, etc etc etc. Thank goodness I’d arranged to have someone cover for me at at work.

But that’s it for a few weeks….no more ultrasounds til my 12 week regular OB check-up and NT scan. I have been SO spoiled with these, basically, weekly ultrasounds. How will I survive? I’m hoping I can ride this ridiculous high all the way into October. I promise to find some other stuff to blog about in the meantime.

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Where I turn into a puddle

  1. Heidi

    oh my. i just love this post. congrats and i’m so happy you are enjoying the ride. babies sound like they’re lovin’ their new little home, too! i heart babies in 3D ultrasounds–they look so “real”!!! um, i might have to email you again to find out where this amazingly awesome dr. zen’s day job is at… of course i’m trying to get knocked up before i can think of that… *smiling* and praying for you and the babes!

  2. CW

    Oh god that sounded like the most amazing experience ever (ok you probably didn’t want the third sac to be anything but a mirror image at this stage) it is just wonderful and great and feels me with hope that yep this little egg that had all the things wrong with her turned out so right. Loving Dr Zen! So jealous (but in a positive good way) and can’t wait for it to be me.

  3. Glad to hear everything is going well. I can only imagine what it must have been like in the those when there could have been 3 babies. Two seems like enough of a handful!

  4. FCblacksheep

    Oh Egg, this is all so amazing. I can’t even imagine what it was like to see them in such detail. I got be honest here though, my heart would’ve skipped like six beats while they searched for a third baby. That’s a lot of babies. Glad just the two are doing fabulous.

  5. Great news! Glad the little ones are doing well. Time for nicknames right? Do you have some already that you just aren’t sharing?

  6. Wow, I was freaking out a bit when you mentioned a THIRD heartbeat. I’m so glad everything is progressing so perfectly. I hope you get to be one of those insanely lucky women who go relatively symptomless throughout pregnancy. It certainly sounds like you’re enjoying it so far.

  7. Esperanza

    I’m SOOOOOOO happy for you! Congrats again. 100 times congrats!

  8. Yay yay yay!! I am so happy for you, both that your appointment went so well and that you love your doctor so much. Sounds like you’ve got some big babies in there – that should just confirm to you that your body knows precisely what it is supposed to do AND it is doing it! I cannot even fathom the few minutes of nervousness over possibly having a 3rd baby in there. But now you can probably laugh at it! And, hey, you got a compliment in the mean time!

  9. sienna

    i’m with sloper – curious to know your nicknames for the little ones. glad that everything is a-okay with the munchkins, and for your sake, i hope the next few weeks go by VERY quickly until you can see them again on ultrasound!!! xoxoxoxoxo :o)

  10. Kelly

    There’s so much awesome in this post! Great to read, Egg.

    Also…a belly ultrasound! I think THIS is something so amazing for IF ladies. We’re so used to the magic wand, that I think I’ll be completely amazed if I ever get to the tummy stage.

  11. AL

    8w6d!! holy sh!t your pregnancy is moving fast! Congrats on another great appointment 🙂

  12. I love Dr. Zen already! If she is ANYTHING like Dr. Awesome, then I will surely be switching to her the second our insurance changes. She sounds fabulous.

    So glad you had such an awesome appointment and WOW 8w6d! Awesome!

  13. Egg, this is wonderful news! I’m so happy for you. Dr. Zen also sounds great.

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