Opening up

We told our siblings our news yesterday. 🙂

I have been on the fence about when to tell them because I have been so incredibly anxious. I keep thinking, “after the NEXT ultrasound, I’ll feel comfortable enough to tell them.” But then an appointment would come and go and I would totally lose my nerve and decide it was MUCH too early to be discussing this. But it’ll be 10 weeks tomorrow (knock on wood that everything is okay with the babies) and that actually seems like sorta above and beyond when family should know. I don’t know….I read numerous blogs where siblings are told immediately and I guess I always thought if we ever got pregnant that’s what I’d do, too. As it turned out, I was physically too anxious to do that. But it was also really bothering me that my HR guy knew about my pregnancy and our brothers and sisters didn’t! (I’ll update on how that HR meeting went soon.) When would you tell your sibs if you were pregnant? Or when did you tell them if you’ve been through this?

So, with deep breaths, I decided it was time. (Hubs was just like, whenever you’re ready is fine with me.)

My older brother is a doctor and works more than 100 hours a week. I figured it would take a week or more to get him on the phone, but I reached him in under an hour (amazing!). We caught up for a while and then I gave him the news. He was really sweet and happy for us. He said his wife was going to be really really jealous and my heart tugged a bit. I’ve heard via my Mom that they “might” be having some issues themselves and I know how heart-wrenching it is to be the one finding out someone close to you is pregnant, as happy as you are for them. I didn’t want him or her to think this just fell in our laps, so I told him that we’d been trying a really long time and that I was dealing with some pretty intense anxiety. He put it all together and very kindly asked, “Did you have to take a little something, is that what’s up with the twins?” (He’s a doctor AND my brother so I’m not surprised he zeroed in on that!) I’m guarding this IF secret pretty closely (I don’t really know why), but I would never lie to my brother. So I said yeah, and asked him to keep it between us if he didn’t mind. I’m sure he’ll tell his wife, and that’s totally okay, if they really are having trouble I hope this takes some of the sting out of it for her. Anyway, he also told me to stay off Google (ha!) and that I have to trust my body. I love him so much.

My little sister started crying as soon as I told her. She doesn’t know about the extent of infertility struggles, but she knows we have have been trying for a long time. It made me start crying, too.

My little brother was super cutie. He kept saying, “Ahhhhhh! I am so so so happy!” He’s nine years younger than me and I grew up changing his diapers and baby-sitting him. He was like, “Can you still do the Turkey Trot with Dad and me on Thanksgiving morning?” (The answer, I sure hope so, I’ll shuffle/walk the 5K if I have to!) He’s my little guy.

My brothers and sister are all such good, good eggs and it was awesome being able to share this with them. They were all sworn to secrecy and we won’t tell another soul until we’re 100% comfortable—probably after our next big ob-gyn appointment in October—not even our closest friends.

Since my entire family is scattered across the country, it was pretty awesome to be able to talk to all of them in one day—not just about this pregnancy stuff, but about their lives and work and grad school and how fun it will be to see each other at Thanksgiving and all of that stuff. While I was making my phone calls, hubs was talking to his brother and sister, too. I didn’t hear their reactions but it sounds like they weren’t quite as emotional as my sibs. Shocking, no, that being emotional runs in my family!? 🙂

I’m still anxious pretty much all of the time, and still hoping with my entire heart and every cell in my body that these babies are safe and sound and growing every day and that they’re going to make it. But sharing the news with all of them makes it feel more “real.” It felt so real that we even allowed ourselves to (gasp!) look at cribs online yesterday afternoon while watching football games (GO CHIEFIES!). Woah.

It was a wonderful, amazing day. I am so grateful and lucky and happy to be right here, right now.

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “Opening up

  1. AL

    Hooray!! This is happening!! It’s weird how it feels when the secret is out in the open like that. I’m amazed that you kept it in this long!

    I didn’t realize that we’re both from families of 4 – 2 boys, 2 girls. Loved growing up in my big family 🙂

  2. Esperanza

    It’s nice to share the news, isn’t it? Some how it makes it more real. Having said that, I know why you waited so long. After our ectopic, I was very guarded about our second pregnancy. Even though I told people about our ectopic, even people who didn’t know I was pregnant, I still kept the second one close to my heart for a while. I’m not sure exactly why, but that is what felt right for me.

    I SOOOOO hope everything goes okay at your next scan, and all the scans afterwards. I was always a wreck before each one (I actually had to go on anxiety medication during my pregnancy, that is how bad I was), but my baby did manage to get born happy and healthy! It can happen!

    Just so you know, I’m having a book giveaway this Friday. If you want to enter, you can check it out – there’s a link at the bottom of every post this week.

    Esperanza @ esperanzasays.wordpress.com

  3. I’m so happy you were able to share the news with your siblings, and that they were all so excited for you. I loved reading their reactions!

  4. Kelly

    Ahhh! I’m so happy for you! Telling people definitely makes it more real. I’m glad you have such a cute, sappy family. 😉

  5. Tarah

    Fantastic! I told my mom & dad right away – we held off on telling our siblings until we felt more comfortable. We already had one loss, I just didn’t want to throw one more out there.

    I still worry at times but it is starting to settle down a bit now that I can feel our baby moving around from time to time. It reassures me that things are OK.

    *hugs* So excited for you two!

  6. Telling people does make it seem more real. Don’t feel bad about waiting until 10 weeks. We didn’t tell hubs’ family at all until 12 weeks! We just weren’t comfortable and were too worried. And if it causes anxiety, then it just isn’t time yet.

    Really hope things work out with your brother and his wife. Infertility is the worst 😦

  7. Jin

    I did it the non-IFer way and told my parents, siblings, and super close relatives (like 4 more aunts, 4 cousins, and grandma) right after the stick turned positive. They all knew we were going through infertility, and I figured if something were to happen, I’d need all of their prayers and love to help us get through it. It was nice to tell so early, because it was like everyone was holding their breath and until we hit week 13 and sending lots of love and support. Plus my family and I are super, super, crazy close.

    We told the rest of DH’s family I think around week 15 or so, but his parents and siblings knew from the beginning as well.

  8. Jin

    Oh, and I think the anxiety is pretty normal for the pregnant IFers. 🙂 You, your DH, and the babies will be fine.

  9. Oh Egg, This is so exciting! TEN WEEKS! That’s a HUGE milestone. And to tell your family must have been so wonderful. Can’t wait to hear about your next u/s :). xoxo

  10. Oh, how fun! I’m one of 4, too! We had planned to tell our sibs around 10 weeks (at Thanksgiving dinner). One of my sisters was home the weekend we told my parents, so she found out while we were still pregnant. The rest all learned after the miscarriage 😦

    As much as I don’t want to repeat that when we get pregnant again, I also really, really, really want to experience telling people the news and being totally joyful while doing so. It sucked telling our parents that we were finally pregnant, but having it be in a “Things don’t look perfect, we’re very anxious” way. I think the next time (please let there be a next time), we’ll wait to tell anyone and everyone until we’re where you are– a few good u/s under our belt and almost to the end of 1st tri. I just really want to be able to smile when I tell my family instead of clench my teeth with anxiety and sadness!

  11. I love your family! 4 kids and you all get along and love and support each other? Amazing. Your parents did something right… I also am going to try to take your brother’s advice. Trust your body. Good one. Very good one.

    Congratulations on being out! Does this mean you’ve already told your parents?

  12. Aw, I am so glad you shared the news with your siblings. Your family sounds so awesome and supportive I’m sure it was so fun to tell them. Funny, B’s brother was way less enthusiastic than my brother when we shared the news. Anyway, I’m sure they are SO excited for you! And it will be so fun to show off your bump in November 🙂

  13. Yay! So excited for you! Are you having any pregnancy symptoms yet?!?!?!?!

    I am guarding our IF issues too…I don’t know why that is…I think it’s because it just SUCKS…but NOT ANYMORE! woohoo for you!

  14. Mara

    I’m glad you had such a good experience telling your siblings! And I’m glad things are going well with you overall!

    Also hoping that things work out with your brother and his wife.

  15. Glad that you were able to tell your family. I like your brother 😉 What sort of doctor is he? I really like that you are thinking of his wife and hoping that you sharing will take the sting off things.

  16. I was so freaked out to tell people, but as soon as it was public I felt WAY better. Your family sounds amazing and supportive. Your little babes are lucky to have such nice aunts and uncles.

  17. Yeah for you! I’m sure that is really exciting. BTW- I read on wikipedia-misscarriage that the rate goes down to 2% when you get to 10 weeks. So I hope that makes you feel better.

  18. Sarah P

    I just want to say how happy it makes me to read about how happy you are 🙂 It’s so crazy that I don’t even know you but love reading about this amazing journey and I’m rooting for you! yippee 10 weeks!!

  19. That’s so great that they are so happy for you! Not so great about your older brother and his/their possible issues though.
    My brothers (we’re also 4!) know that we’re trying, and I guess I would tell them quite early on. But first I’ll have to get there… though I have to say that each pregnancy in IF-blogland makes me hopeful that this can happen to me, too.

  20. How beautiful! And while I’m sorry about your older brother, it was very generous of you to share a little in the hopes of lessening another person’s pain. Anyway, congratulations on reaching this milestone. Your pregnancy continues to make me happy!

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