That was weird

Last night I was at a work-related event outside of the office. I wore the same outfit I’ve been wearing to work for a few weeks: comfie black high-waisted jeans from Urban Outfitters, a flow-y blouse, and a cardigan. So I arrive and head over to greet a woman I work with pretty regularly who is hosting the event—we email often and make an effort to grab lunch together a couple of times a year. Okay, so as we are greeting each other she PUTS HER PALM ON MY STOMACH and says something like, “Ohhh! It’s so good to see you!”

I was SO taken off guard that I couldn’t even speak for a second. And we both turned bright red because she couldn’t believe she just did that and meanwhile I’m trying to pretend it didn’t happen. This woman works in PR so she’s a pro at awkward situations and after a minute of small talk she whispers to me, “That was so inappropriate. I cannot believe I just touched you, I am so sorry,” and then she says, “But I’m just so happy for you that you’re pregnant!”

WHAT!??!?!?

I didn’t think I was showing. I mean, yeah, I’ve been wearing big tops and my comfiest jeans, but I thought I was totally concealing the general bloat situation. Not a bump.

Btw, she’s 15 weeks along with her second child so maybe she has an amazing-amazing pregnancy radar. Or maybe I am showing more than I think. Either way, I immediately swore her to secrecy because we haven’t told ANYONE—not even our best friends—and we aren’t going to until next week. I am SO nervous and anxious for the NT Scan/12 week check-up and I’m sickeningly anxious and basically counting down the seconds til we get to see if our babies kept growing over the past month and whether everything is okay. (Zen zen zen zen.)

So our convo ended gracefully-ish as another guy, who I know through work and haven’t seen since that 10-mile run over Memorial Day weekend, came by to say hello. And when we were alone he proceeded to say, “So, you’re expecting?”

Hey, at least he didn’t touch my stomach. Geeeeeeez. He must’ve overheard that first woman, right?

I was super super super awkward with him and just gave him a you’re-crazy-look and completely changed the subject. He kept trying to find out why I’m not running the Chicago Marathon, why I didn’t do any tris this summer, what race is next on my radar, etc. It was…..yeah…..awkward. Could I have told him the truth? Yeah….but I felt totally yuck telling this random dude when our close friends and my bosses don’t know. You know? Plus the truth is that I WAS traveling a lot this summer and have been running for the joy or running for a while now, thankyouverymuch.

And then I met up with hubs for a late dinner and told him about the weirdness and asked him the question that had been searing into my mind since the initial hand-on-stomach interaction: If these people I rarely see can tell something’s up, then SURELY my bosses and coworkers are speculating? Ugh! I don’t want anyone to know or even THINK about this until I’m ready to tell them. I don’t want people whispering, “Is she fat or is she pregnant?”

Hubs said that I have a way of “pooching out sometimes” and that work people “probably can tell.” [Geez, thanks a lot.] He then went on to reiterate what he always reiterates lately—that it’s not the babies at all, they are way too little for me to be showing, it’s POOP. [Again, thanks so much hubs. Geeeeez.] You know, because I have a pretty horrendous case of constie-ness that my daily ritual of water/exercise/prune juice/coffee/Metamucil/half-a-table of colace still has not resolved.

Anyway, it is what it is. Not a big deal. What will be will be. Etc. It’s very weird to admit, but the tiny piece of me that isn’t horrified at the though of work peeps knowing/wondering is celebrating that maybe—even though my boobs don’t hurt and I’m not puking and all of that stuff—my body really is changing and growing so much that it’s obvious to other people. I am appalled and overjoyed, at the same time.

But I do feel like I need to do a better job concealing my, ummm, “poop pooch” at work today, Monday and Tuesday.

Please let everything be okay with these amazing babies on Wednesday so I can tell people. Please, please, please, please, please. We love them SO MUCH and want them to be healthy and growing strong so very very very much.

Zen zen zen zen.

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27 Comments

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27 responses to “That was weird

  1. Jin

    It’s crazy to be called out before you tell work folk. I think I was called out around 10 weeks. Yeah, my shirts for the most part got more blousey (looking back on pictures, I was like there’s no way I thought what was a bump was a bump compared to later weeks), but it was the fact that I was loosing a lot of weight. Most people were like “either she’s on some crazy diet or she’s pregnant…and we know she’s already a healthy eater to begin with, so she has to be pregnant”

    Good thoughts for you guys for great news on wednesday!

  2. Hi Egg! Just continue to tell people they are crazy until you’re ready to share your big news. I never ask anyone if they are pregnant. You just never know if they might be gaining some weight, the nerve of some people!
    I just wanted to give you a trick for the constipation. Try sprinkling a few tablespoons of ground flaxseed on your cereal, oatmeal, or yogurt for breakfast or a snack. It works wonders for me. You can usually find it in the baking section at any grocery store. Hope you feel better soon. Good luck with your NT scan, post some pix of your little guys when you can!

  3. Haha! Your poop pooch is funny. I am surprised that the people said something to you. I have a fear of footing my foot in my mouth; like on that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry congratulates someone on being pregnant and then later realizes that the person was just fat. So the next time he sees that same person he tries to apologize and explain only to realize that the person is a MAN. Anyway, I always think about that whenever I wonder if someone is expecting or not.

    I am sending tons of good thoughts your way for the appointment on Wednesday. I am certain that the news will be great and you’ll be able to start telling me and enjoying the attention!! 🙂

    AND remember that there are TWO precious babies in there, so it’s only natural that you’ve got a bit of a pooch going on. I bet you look fabulous!

  4. Your poop pooch. LOL that is gross and cute at the same time. I hope Wednesday goes well.

  5. Poop or pooch, people are still ballsy for assuming. I wait until there is a clear baby bump before saying anything. And by clear baby bump, I mean that kid’s (or those kids’ in your case!) head better be popping out. Geez. People are crazy. Sending lots of zen vibes for Wednesday’s appointment. Hang in there. You can make it!

  6. Number one, I think you should tell anyone else that calls you out, “Those aren’t babies, that’s POOP!” and see if they ever say anything about it to you again, and number two, everything is going to go FINE on Wednesday and then you can tell everyone that you told that it was POOP that they were right all along at that it really is BABIES!

  7. “It’s not the babies, just poop” HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA oh that is the most hilarious comment I’ve ever heard 🙂

    I think it’s time you posted a belly pic. I need to see this “poop pooch” for myself 🙂

  8. LTB

    ha ha ha! Good luck with the poop pooch next week! I know your U/s will be great adn you’ll be ready to spill the beans! I know that I have amazing pregnancy radar (as I’m sure you do too) and anyone who fits the general demographic for pregnancy and who maybe looks a bit “fuller” or has that “look”, I can just tell they are pregnant. So I’m sure these folks have great radars too! As for the guy…weird for a guy to even ask you…myob Mr! Again I just want to say how happy I am for you!!!

  9. Nicole

    ha ha, The thing is if you are kind of flat in the stomach area and then pooch out AND change your clothes a bit people know. Particularly people you see daily. I have always been able to spot all the pregnant women at work in the first trimester.

    Good luck.

  10. Poop pooch = SEXEH! You know how good we are at detecting pregnancy! Why shouldn’t other people be too? I totally see how disconcerting and invasive it would be, but I’m also awfully happy, as it just makes it seem more real. And I’m hear to tell you everything is going to be GREAT on Wednesday.

  11. I think some people just have amazing pregnancy radar – and you and I both know all about that! – especially someone who is also pregnant. However, it is pretty rude for people to just call you out like that. People started calling me out at 10 weeks and I was appalled! And, don’t forget, when I told my boss he said “I could tell for a while now”…yeah, nice.

    Soon enough, my friend, you will be an out-of-the-closet blissfully happy preggo woman! Good luck on Wednesday!

  12. Hahahahahaha. This is CLASSIC! I love the poop pooch. And, you know, one of the commenters is right: if you’re like me and I’m pretty sure you are, you’re in shape and have a relatively flat stomach. So ANY kind of growth is going to cause a stir!

    To be really sure you’re pooching out, I think I need to see a belly pic, stat ;).

    xoxo, B

  13. Tarah

    Totally awkward but at least she knew she made a mistake and apologized for it. I thought for sure I was showing early as well and that’s why I confessed to my boss earlier than I was planning to. Yeah…only one person in the company had guessed that was what was going on with me, everyone else was clueless.

    Try not to worry too much, you’ll spread the news soon enough when you get your awesome incredible news that your babies are doing fantastic!! Cannot wait to hear about the update!

  14. Kelly

    Dude, I get a poop pooch, too. That shit’s just another awesome part of being a woman.

    I’m glad that lady apologized to you for the awkward touching. I could totally see myself putting my foot in my mouth (hand?) like that, too. It’s good that she realized it, though.

    I’m keeping everything crossed for a perfect U/S for you!

  15. Kelly

    I have been able to tell 1st trimester with most of my work colleagues, even before a readily visible bump, because the *overall* shape of the woman changes. I find this especially easy to tell in already skinny women. It’s like the hips and the ribcage spread, and the boobs look a bit more, um, matronly shaped. And in super fit people everything starts looking softer, somehow. It’s pretty subtle but I always notice. Plus, as you mention, it usually coincides with a noticable wardrobe change! Of course, I would never mention it to the person.

    I got called out at 4 WEEKS by a girl at work. Seriously. Going on 12 is doing pretty good.

  16. that is really strange they are calling you out. You poor thing!! Everything will be perfect on Wednesday!

  17. That is weird. I never say anything, because after all, they could just be bloated from IF drugs instead…
    Thinking many good thoughts for your scan!

  18. The babies are going to be GREAT. Do not worry about it, I am positive.

    Who *are* these people who call out pregnancies in public without warning? That is so inappropriate. What if you had just gained some belly fat? Ugh, people’s intrusive asshole-ishness never ceases to amaze me. You should have told them it was severe constipation and not baby bloat and watched them turn red (and it wouldn’t entirely be a lie, would it?).

  19. lifebytheday

    LOL, poop pooch! ;-P

  20. FCblacksheep

    hahahahhaha…poop pooch. I’m guessing that first lady knew because she’s pregnant and probably picked up on the signs, like if I ever saw a girl in the break room eating pineapple and listening to meditation music I might suspect something. And the second dude was probably just looking for a reason why such an awesome runner like yourself was sitting out on all those races. Just a weird, slightly inappropriate, coincidence.

    Tell them when you’re ready Egg. And those babies will be healthy and beautiful. Don’t you worry.

  21. Poop pooch– hehe. You’re not alone– I got my first stretchmark at nine weeks because of the crazy bloat.

    So, this baby belly that everyone is noticing– do we get to see a pic soon? 🙂

  22. A poop pooch! Oh, that is the funniest thing ever! Anyway, it ought to be reassuring that pregnancy radars are going off all around you. Your little babes are obviously thriving to be sending out all those signals. Only a few more days to go…

  23. What a nutty experience? I’m glad the PR person had the good sense to apologize, but that runner guy needs to chill out and let it be. I’m sure it’s very mixed out there. Most people are too wrapped up in their own daily dramas to notice that someone is bloated out a little bit. I hope the people with pregnancy radar can keep a lid on the gossip. It’s not the worse thing in the world for your good news to precede you, but it is rude.

  24. I remember the first time someone touched my little baby belly and turning all red. Totally caught me off-guard. BUT, my person knew (for sure) our good news. Obviously your co-workers have been speculating and have made conclusions on their own. I can’t wait for you 12 week scan. Fingers crossed for a quick find of the heartbeat and all looking perfect.

  25. You husband said something nicer than my husband would have said. Poop Pooch is too funny. It’s a scary thing when people can look at you and tell that you are pregnant, no matter how hard you try to hide it. I’m sure you’ll feel much better after your scan on Wednesday and you can actually tell your friends that you are expecting. Hang in there, the scan will be here before you know it and I’m crossing everything for you. Keep the Zen going, sister!

  26. Funny! and weird! I cannot believe that people are calling you out already. I have still not once been called out, and I’m over 22 weeks. I kinda want to be, at this point!

    And I still haven’t told my ‘bosses’ at work!! 🙂

  27. i’ve been meaning to comment on this. who does that?! who touches you like that? that is so wrong. i’m going to attribute it to her pregnancy radar because otherwise that is totally unacceptable in every way. the touching is still unacceptable, but maybe her eye is extra sharp.

    hope you’re looking forward to coming out of the closet now that you had a great u/s today! enjoy sharing your news!

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