Zen zen zen zen zen zen zen zen

Greetings from Ante Partum. I was sent to Labor & Delivery at 8:30am yesterday morning, because my routine biweekly checkup with Dr. Zen turned out to be not so routine. All was going well until the cervie check. She pulled her hand out and said, “Well, my dear, your cervix has changed considerably since I last saw you. You’re 100% effaced [no length left] and 1.5cm dilated.” Then she hugged me and told me she was sending me to L&D for steroids for the babies’ lungs and to monitor my cervix and contractions (which I could not feel AT ALL) and to determine if I was in active labor.

Fast-forward through the scariest day of my entire life. I don’t even want to get into it the dark places I have been mentally and emotionally. On the upside, the care here is absolutely awesome: I have been ultrasound-ed, my cervix has been checked so many times that I’m leaking blood, I’ve gotten one steroid injection for the babies’ lungs, I’m on an IV for hydration, I’ve taken multiple rounds of blood pressure meds to relax my uterus, I’ve met the NICU doctor to learn about the potential issues in 30-week babies (shudder), I’ve signed the paperwork for an epidural, I’ve met with seven nurses, a triage doc, the anesthesiologist, a couple of residents and one of Dr. Zen’s partners…..and on and on and on. Today will hold more of the same!

The (really really really) good news is that last night I was cleared to eat (yip!) and got moved up to Ante Partum from L&D. My cervix has not worsened since I got here (please please please no jinxies) and also the contractions (which, yes, I now know what they feel like) have mellowed from every 90 seconds to every 5 to 7 minutes. They have taken me off the fetal and contraction monitors so it’s up to me to alert someone if the contrax become more frequent or painful.

I haven’t been able to sleep more than maybe an hour or two hour total, even though I’m no longer on the uncomfie fetal and contraction monitors. It is so hard to quiet my whirring mind. And I find myself crying every couple of hours…with overwhelming fear and love for our sweet little babies. I know that’s not good for me or them so I try hard to breathe through the tough spells. Hubs had to go home last night after our romantic V-day dinner (haha)—he has a major academic deadline this week so the timing is pretty much the worst for him—but he will be back here at some point today (working away) and I know that just having in my room will help. He is definitely my rock. I miss him!

So now we watch and wait and hope and pray and hope and pray and hope and pray that the contrax continue to chillax, and that my cervie stays strong. (It can’t stay long, there’s nothing left of it!)

Please pray for our sweet little babies. It is too early for them to come out into the world, they are so tiny and have so much left to do before we meet them. I am so grateful they were able to at least get an extra day inside of me and that they are getting these amazing steroids. Every day is so very important to their survival and health in the real world.

Zen zen zen zen zen zen zen zen.

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36 Comments

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36 responses to “Zen zen zen zen zen zen zen zen

  1. Zen zen zen, chillax chillax chillax. Not how you wanted to spend your valentines day huh? I am hoping and praying for you and your babies that the contractions calm down some and you are able to keep them in there a little longer. Thinking of you.

  2. Prayers are coming your way! Sending virtual hugs!

  3. many many thoughts and prayers for you and your babies!!! xoxoxo

  4. Praying for you and the babies.

  5. This must be the most terrifying experience of your life, but you seem to be handling it with strength and grace. I am certainly sending positivity and prayer to you and those sweet babies! Please keep us all updated and take care of yourself.

  6. JC

    I’m praying they stay in a little while longer! I’ll be thinking of you. I’m glad the hospital and staff and Dr’s are great. =)

  7. lifebytheday

    Oh sweetie…how scary! Praying hard for you and the babies. XOXO

  8. Jen

    Zen, Zen, Zen! praying for you and the babies, you are in good hands there!

  9. Nicole

    oh my, I’m crossing my fingers for you. Hang in there.

  10. Ltb

    Oh egg I’m so sorry you have to deal with this! Stay zen! Those babies are going to do great and u r going to be an amazing mom! I’m praying they stay put a while longer! Hugs!!!

  11. I am sending positive vibes your way right now! You sound terrified…I am so sorry. Just think about how awesome next year’s Valentine’s Day will be in comparison and what a great story it will be to tell the babies every year on that day.

  12. Oh, Eggie! This must be so terrifying. But I just know that those babies of yours are strong like their mama. I hope they decided to stay put for a few more weeks. I’ll be thinking of you…

  13. Praying really hard for you and your babies. I’m hoping that the babies stay nice and warm and in your belly for a while longer. I’m so sorry that you are scared right now. Just keep doing what you are doing and try to stay in your Zen mind. Hugs, sweetie.

  14. Oh no! I’m thinking of you and hoping and praying that they stay put for many more weeks! Thinking of you.

  15. I AM PRAYING! I can’t imagine what you must be going through – but stay strong! Your babies are strong and they will make it – those steriods are so good for them! I will continue to pray – hope you can get some much-needed rest and find some ZEN ZEN ZEN ZEN ZEN.

  16. lady pumpkin

    Oh, honey, what a lot of stress. Prayers and love and hope that your little ones stay put for as long as possible. Zen zen zen zen zen. ❤

  17. sienna

    jeez, i can’t imagine the stress you’re feeling right now. sending you great big hugs. praying for babies to stay put for another few weeks. sooo glad they caught things when they did and you got that magical steroid shot for them. hang tough egg :o) xoxoxoxo.

  18. Thank god for your appointment yesterday with Dr. Zen. They caught this and the steroid shots will do wonders for their little lungs if they do make an early entrance. But you can be dilated for a veeeeery long time before you’re in labor. I know it’s scary and being in the hospital is miserable, but you are so, so strong for these babies and every day they stay inside is a very good thing!

    Thinking of you. xoxo

  19. Oh, Egg! I was wondering where you’d been!!! Now I know! OMG! Are you OK? Just know you’re in what sounds like AMAZING hands and all will be ok with your sweet bebes. I just know it. Keep chillaxing, read a little, and don’t worry about a thing (sooooo much easier said than done, I know!). Zen zen zen, my friend. Thinking of you and your babes. xoxoxoxoxo

  20. Andrea

    Oh egg, stay strong hun!!! I know this must all be SO scary, but sounds like you’re in very very good hands! Praying for you and that those little babies hang tight for as long as they can. Sending tons of hugs and zen vibes your way!!

  21. Lesley

    so scary!! and stressful! i can’t IMAGINE having an academic deadline on top of this! can’t your husband get an extension? I’ll be keeping you guys in my thoughts– i wish i could share some of my stubborn, iron-clad cervix with you!! what is wrong with mother nature, with all these stupid extremes in cervical behavior???

  22. OMG! I am sure this is so stressful. I will be praying your cervie stays strong and you can keep those babies in for as long as possible. Sending lots of hugs!

  23. AL

    Oh, Egg, so scary and stressful! I will be praying for you and the babies, come on, cervie, stay tough for much longer. Hang in there, egg! You are in great hands and doing the very best for your babies. They and you are getting excellent care.

  24. Oh you poor thing! I’m so sorry you are going through this right now. I will keep you and the babies in my thoughts. Hang in there!

  25. Oh sweet Egg, how scary!! I can tell how terrified you are. Thank God for amazing medical care–whatever happens, those babies are going to be given incredible attention and they will be fine. But of course we want them to stay right where they are for several more weeks!

    Stay calm friend. I know it must be so hard. I’m glad hubs can be with you, and I pray your fears will be eased very soon.

  26. Zen vibes to you and those little ones. I am praying for them to stay put!

  27. Praying and keeping you, hubs and the babies in my thoughts. Breathe. Stay calm. Zen, zen, zen, zen. Hang in there Egg and babies:)

  28. You are going to be fine and the babies are going to be fine and you are doing absolutely everything in your power to make that happen. I am sending you every bit of zen i can muster and will be doing my fair share of praying today. xoxox zen zen zen zen zen

  29. omg, zenzenzenzenzenzenzenzen! you keep relaxing, breathing, and growing babies. they’re gonna be good and bake a little longer. thinking of you.

  30. Thinking of you and sending prayers your way

  31. FCblacksheep

    Sending all the prayers and hope I can your way. Please babies be safe and say put; Egg keep thinking zen and trust this will all be fine; and hubs stay strong. Thinking of all of you.

  32. Heidi

    i’m definitely praying for you and the babes!!! sounds like you’re getting amazing care there and that they are doing everything possible to keep those growing babies snuggled up inside! how scary, though 😦 ! you just have to trust in God that He is going to take care of all of you!!!

  33. So many prayers! I was in L&D right about this time too, and we made it to 35 weeks. You can do this!

    Love to you and your sweet babies!

  34. Oh, Egg! I was shocked to read this entry as I’m sure you were pretty shocked to suddenly be thrown into the thick of things. Remember that there is no better place for you or your sweet babies right now. You’ve got an awesome team of professionals around you and those steroids are working hard on your babies’ lungs!! I’m thinking of you (and your cervix – is that weird, or what?) and sending you strength!!

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