Tons of random ramblings at 9-weeks-old….

  • It’s dangerous for me to go to the baby section at Target….everything is so cheap so I go a little too crazy! Can’t resist sundresses for Honey and polo onesies for Champ.
  • I remember when I was on bedrest, a lot of folks IRL and in blog comments told me the worrying never ever ends when you have kids. This is definitely true, but I must say that the relief that the babies made it into the world safe and sound still has not worn off. I do not miss the intense anxiety of pregnancy one bit.
  • Whenever someone asks me the babies’ birth weights, I tend to add a disclaimer along these lines: “But I ate a ton of cheeseburgers and sheperd’s pie and milk shakes and protein during pregnancy!” I need to let it go.
  • Even though I was anxious most of the time, I loved every moment of being pregnant. I was pretty worried I’d get the baby blues after birth, but I didn’t. I think being so grateful to be able to walk around and do chores and lift things again took the edge off (since I’d been on bedrest for weeks).
  • I’ve been getting phantom kicks since the babies came out.
  • The babies are tiny celebrities whenever I take them out. People go crazy for twins. They deserve the attention, sweet sweet things!!!!!
  • I’m still amazed and grateful and over the moon happy that I can breastfeed. I was so so so so so worried I wouldn’t be able to.
  • I love bonding with the babies while nursing, and I love providing nutritious breast milk for them, but pumping all of the time takes. a. toll.
  • Plus, I miss my small boobs. They never grew or got sore during pregnancy, then BAM, right after giving birth, they arrived. I can’t fit into any of my button-up shirts or old tops.
  • But it is pretty cool that hubs mentions how “awesome” my boobs are at least once a day. 🙂 I have a serious rack, it’s out of control.
  • Even though we’re NOWHERE close to thinking about more kids, I do hope and pray that my cycle/period magically comes back when I stop breastfeeding. I want it to work again. (Pregnancy has been shown to “re-set” the body in some anovulatory women.) I think about that way too much.
  • Even though I’m BFing AND I’m anovulatory, hubs and I are using condoms just to be really really really safe. It seems so strange to use protection, considering the lengths we went to for our babies.
  • Condoms suck.
  • I REFUSE TO GO BACK ON THE PILL. I still blame it for my anovulation.
  • I wish I was skinny for my college reunion this weekend. I know that’s totally vain, and I just had twins, and yada yada….but I just don’t feel comfie in my bod right now. I have these huge boobs, a mushy tummy, a soft jawline…it’s okay, it’s just hard to be on display, if that makes sense? OF COURSE our babies are 200% worth it.
  • Even though I miss my pre-IF figure, I will say that breastfeeding burns a ton of calories. I’m almost at my pre-pregnancy weight—which is insane considering the amount I eat these days—everything just seems to be situated totally differently.
  • I’m running (shuffling) a few times a week, too. I sent an excited text to my little sister last week that I was up to running for 33 minutes straight and she wrote back, “Only that long, are you injured?” Uhhhhhhh, thanks? She doesn’t get that even though I’m “a runner,” you can’t take this much time off, give birth, and then have the muscle strength or fitness to bang out a five-miler. Kids!
  • I picked up the babies’ birth certificates downtown yesterday afternoon and tears welled up when I saw their names on those official documents and after signing for them as “Mother.” Wow wow  wow. It will never ever get old, I am in awe of my amazing luck and life.

I think that’s enough random-ness for one night! xoxo



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17 responses to “Confessions

  1. Yay! I love hearing how things are going.

    Let me just say, enjoy those boobs while you got ’em, even if they are not entirely your own, because if your body is anything like mine, they will disappear (and then some) once you stop breastfeeding. That’s the one thing about my body that has not gone back to pre-pregnancy shape… and believe me, they weren’t much to look at before. Now they are just sad! More importantly, ENJOY breastfeeding. You are so fortunate to have a great experience so far.

    I, too, refuse to go back on the pill. Unfortunately pregnancy hasn’t reset my body (yet?), and my no-period streak continues. Last one was pill-induced in January of 2009! That’s got to be some kind of record :/

    And condoms do suck.

    Try to cut yourself some slack about the body issues and running… I can assure you, IT GETS BETTER!!! You WILL be back to yourself again.

  2. Aw, so true!!! Seriously do NOT feel like you have to explain the babies weight! You carried those kids to 35 weeks with practically no cervix…you did GREAT and I would be bragging all over the place that the babies didn’t need to stay one second in the NICU 🙂

    I really think your body will reset, so maybe the condoms are worth the extra effort…can you even imagine?!?! I bet there are one or two more egg-lets in your future!!

  3. Yeah, I’m with A. I think the good thing about having twins is, Hello! Instant scene-stealers! Who’s going to be looking at a slightly flabby tummy (which I’m sure is not as bad as you fear) when there are those two cuties nearby?

    It’s nice to hear the worry (even if it doesn’t ever totally fade) isn’t as bad as during pregnancy.

  4. sienna

    *fingers crossed* for your cycle to get back to normal. i’m hoping for this as well, and i totally blame the last pill i was one (for 5 yrs) for screwing things up, since i was somewhat regular before that. were you on yaz too? that pill is the antichrist. 33 minutes of running/shuffling sounds amazing considering you’re only 2 months post delivery! i’m betting i’ll give up after about 10 minutes on my first attempt to shuffle later on. it sounds like torture just thinking about it, yet i crave a good sweat … glad things are going well. you’re reunion is going to be a blast. esp with two very special cuties to show off to all your classmates :o)

  5. Oh mah gawd, I teared up just READING about you getting the birth certificates. So sweet!

    I have also felt some phantom kicks! That is, I felt things that felt just like movements and had to remind myself that there was no fetus in there. How interesting to know this is a phenomenon! And not to be nosey, but I’m amazed you’re up to having sex this soon after delivering two babies through your love canal! Lots of the other new moms I read are SO NOT INTERESTED! Tell us more!

  6. I bet it feels great to be running (shuffling) again. Good for you! And I agree with PP, be proud that you carried those babies for so long and that neither of them had to stay in the NICU…that is something to brag about. Have fun at the reunion!

  7. Great Post! I loved the comment about your rack 🙂 So funny! Sounds like you are truly enjoying those babies. You’re amazing!

  8. This is hilarious. And I love it b/c you’re so honest! You basically wrote what every woman thinks or has thought post-pregnancy. Oh, and the boobs–they’re my new best friends. I’ve never had any before so I’m enjoying this while it lasts! I, too, worry I won’t be able to breastfeed btw. Both sisters didn’t produce enough milk so they canned BFing but I’m hoping that since I had to go through the hassle of IVF and they didn’t it won’t turn out that way for me! 😉

  9. Nicole

    Those were fun to read. Glad you are doing well. I started walking at 3 weeks PP but then it rained all of last week, so nothing. This week I started the elliptical machine and did 30 minutes the last two days. I hope to keep it up. I am definitely out of shape and wayyyy over my pre pregnancy weight by 18 lbs. yucky. Oh well time will help

  10. What a happy post!

    I have to admit I’m digging my bigger pregnancy boobs, but I’m totally terrified of them getting huge after birth. I’ve always had big A’s or small B’s. So, getting into the D territory is scary!

    Also, I love that you get phantom kicks. I’ve often wondered if that happens! I never hear about it from anyone, but I just assume that, after months of constantly feeling that, it would be weird to just have it suddenly go away.

  11. Lesley

    I’m impressed that you’re back to running already. I just started ‘shuffling’ this week. It feels good to be doing it, though. And you’re lucky that BFing is burnng calories for you– it seems to have made my metabolism grind to a halt (apparently this is the case for 1/5 of all women). I know you’ll have a fabulous time at your reunion, and you look FABULOUS for having just has twins. Everyone is going to say so!

  12. I love that last bullet on the birth certificates. Amazing! Thanks so much for sharing everything. I am slightly terrified of my breast transformation…mine are already out of control, so I am scared what will happen after birth!! ha ha!

  13. Yay for everything going well! I laughed at every bullet that sounded EXACTLY like me! No more pill for me, I think it screwed me up, too. Yay for big boobs from bfing and burning those cals. I eat all the time it seems and am back to my pp weight. But I had some IF weight to start with. Yay for adorable baby clothes! Yay for running/shuffling. 33 minutes is great! Keep up the good work and Honey and Champ are adorable.

  14. Condoms do suck, preach it sister.

  15. Damn girl, running already! So awesome. This is a great update, keep ’em coming.

  16. AL

    33 minutes of running sounds down right badass to me right now – I cannot wait to get back out and exercise again. my flabby tummy needs it too and I was only carrying around one babe.

    So awesome about the birth certificates. Amazing, isn’t it 😀

  17. I hope your reunion weekend went well (was last weekend, right?). Of course you wouldn’t trade it, but totally understandable to be bummed about seeing people when not feeling your best. (“Seriously – you should have seen me a year ago! I was running and had a rockin bod!”) I just would’ve refused to allow any pictures or permanent records of myself WITHOUT the twins in the photo too as “Seeeeeee, this is why” 🙂 But I’m sure you look awesome anyway and have nothing to worry about.

    I was behind someone in line the other day and I hear her friend make a comment like “first time out with the babies at home” and from the back she looked like you and I got so excited for second but…. it wasn’t you 😦 Oh well, guess I just miss you!

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