Still here

I had another OB check-up today, because of Monday’s drama. My cervie is managing to hold steady at 3cm, with no length. Thank you cervie, thank you babies! And thank you ute, for not contracting much the past few days! It was SUCH A RELIEF.

I’d noticed the crazy bulge I have on my right upper quadrant (aka Baby B) had felt different over the past couple of days and maybe was more focused along my right side. Turns out Baby B has moved into head-down position. Which is funny because hubs and I gave up on telling her to do that about six weeks ago. Of course a million different complications may mean that I’ll have a c-section, but for right now, vag-delivery still looks possible.

Baby A has always been head-down, but he’s super-duper vertex these days—bumping up against my cervie, totally engaged in my pelvis and ready to go. And, oh boy, I can tell, I have so much pelvic pressure! It’s hard to feel him in this position, actually, which has been wigging me out a little bit. But he fortunately gets the hiccups a couple of times a day so I know he’s there, doing okay.

My blood pressure was really high again. (I get SO hyped up for appointments nowadays.) But they let me go home since it wasn’t as bad as Monday and I’d just been screened for pre-e while at the hospital. But now I have to start taking my blood pressure at home at least 3x/day.

My one more day mantra is in FULL FORCE right now. One more day, one more day, one more day. If we can make it through today, we will be at 34 weeks. 10 hours to go….

On borrowed time?

I’m 33w3d today. And at my weekly Monday morning OB appointment, they discovered that I’m now 3cm dilated, with a super soft cervix, and still totally effaced. And with a crazy high blood pressure level (150/100) thrown in for good measure. With stats like that, I was sent directly to triage at L&D.

I really thought this was IT. I thought I’d be in labor right now. The wonderful, amazing, thank-you-lord news is that I’m not contracting, my cervix hasn’t changed since this morning, and the babies heart rates looked good. Oh, and my blood pressure totally chilled out at triage and the bloodwork and urine analysis for pre-eclampsia came back negative. PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Of course, we so very badly want these sweet babies to stay put longer. Everyone—hubs, me and the doctors—are hoping and praying for 34 weeks (Friday). That seems soooooooooooooooooooooooo far away. Can I really hang on with a soft, “ripe,” 3cm dilated, 0cm length cervix for another four days?! According to the doctors, YES. I could go today, tomorrow or in a week. No one knows, so my job is to chillax and eat and hydrate and monitor myself for an uptick in contrax, water breaking, all of that stuff.

I feel like a bit of a ticking time bomb, on borrowed time. I don’t know how long my cervix can hang on, but gosh darnit, we aren’t giving up! Baby A, Baby B, cervie, ute, hubs and I are all going to give it our very best and try to eke out another day. Because everything was pretty chill during my day in triage, I was discharged and I’m back home on bedrest.

We love you so much, Baby A and Baby B. Whenever you need to come into the world, we are 100% okay with it and we will take care of you and give you the very best doctors and NICU possible.

Hanging in

We had a GREAT appointment this morning.

• My cervix is still totally effaced, but Dr. Zen said maybe she could feel a tiny bit of length. I will TAKE IT!
• My cervix is still a “loose 1cm.” It doesn’t get any better than “no change” at this point. Yip yip yip!
• We had a growth scan and Baby A is measure 4 pounds 5 ounces and Baby B is 4 pounds 4 ounces. Baby A’s head is waaaaaaay low. Like, so low that the tech was pressing the u/s probe well below my pubic bone. Yikes! No wonder I feel a ton of pressure even laying around on bedrest.
• I talk to the babies a lot lately. I have been telling Baby A all day that he needs to stay chill and not bump up against my cervie. And then I tell Baby B not to kick her brother and push him down any more. We need the babies to stay chill. Hubs keeps reminding them that they are getting awesome food in utero (homemade Sheperd’s Pie, chili, burgers, shakes, etc.) and that they won’t eat this well again for years….so they should stay put and really enjoy it while they can!
• The tech said that she could see Baby A practicing his breathing. Awesome job, sweet little guy!
• I gained 2 pounds in the past week so I am back up to my weight 3 weeks ago, or 28 pounds total. I continue to eat protein and milkshakes like it’s my job. Because, seriously, it is.
• My blood pressure was a little high. It almost got me sent to L&D for a pre-eclampsia work-up. They checked it several times…ay yi yi. Fortunately Dr. Zen chalked it up to my nerves about the cervix check, but I heard her telling the nurse we need to keep an eye on it.
• This is a little embarrassing, but I had to fill out a depression screening form today and Dr. Zen kept telling me I need be calm. I think the midwife who checked me last week must’ve written “This patient is crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyy” on my chart last week. I explained to her, and to Dr. Zen again today, that I am not depressed. I am just scared! And when I am scared, I get teary-eyed. I love my babies so much and want them to have the best start in life possible. I am doing better at managing my fears and emotions…every day we make it is a major boost to my heart and psyche.
• I downloaded some meditations on iTunes last week and have been listening to them every other day. And I am avoiding bad karma in every way I possibly can. (Including deleting the mean anon comment I got over the weekend. I 200% get it: I am totally and completely lucky to be pregnant, even if I am at severe risk of delivering preemie babies who will be in the NICU for weeks or months. If it bugs you to read what’s up with me, please don’t visit my blog!)

I think that’s it. I am very happy to be where I am today. Thank you lord, for our sweet babies and for letting us come this far. I continue my mantra: One more day, one more day, one more day. All I can do is think about today. Today today today. We love you so much sweet litte Baby A and Baby B.