Quickie update

Hi bloggies! Thank you so much for the beautiful messages on my last post. 🙂 I started a birth story post while I was in the hospital, so that’s coming soon. In the meantime, here’s a quick update filled with tons of randomness….

• I did a vaginal birth for both babies. It was fast and furious (details to come). I always wondered which was harder/more painful, labor or a marathon. The answer? LABOR!
• The babies were born teenie tiny (4 pounds 11 ounces and 4 pounds 10 ounces)—despite my intense efforts to eat tons of protein, milkshakes, burgers, Sheperd’s Pie, etc etc etc, throughout pregnancy—but super healthy. From birth, their breathing and suck/swallow reflexes = perfect.
• Because they are tiny champs and we are insanely lucky, they never had to go to the NICU! We spent Monday, Tuesday and part of Wednesday cuddling them, staring at them, taking pictures of them, and feeding them in our hospital room.
• I am in love, love, LOVE with these sweet little babies. Just thinking about them makes my heart almost burst with love. We are so blessed!
• Char.lie developed borderline jaundice on our last day in the hospital. His levels stabilized with some phototherapy so he was cleared to go home with at-home bili blanket. We soooo miss cuddling with him and getting skin-to-skin QT whenever we feel like it, but it’s for his own good!
• I never ever imagined we’d get to bring both babies home with us. But the four of us left the hospital on Wednesday evening. I was shaking I was so happy. It makes me teary thinking about it now!
• We had our first pediatrician appointment yesterday morning. We loooove our doctor, she had awesome feeding tips for us and was very efficient and thorough.
• Unfort, Char.lie’s bili levels went up a bit. So hubs is taking him back for another blood test today. If his bilirubin level rises again, he’ll probably have to be readmitted to the hospital for more intense phototherapy. We would miss him so much! But we really want to nix this jaundice thing, so whatever is best for him.
• I think my milk is starting to come in (yay body!!!!!), and I am so happy that I can start giving them breast milk in lieu of formula for some feeds. The babies haven’t been able to breast feed more than 5 minutes at a time. Because it, a) burns too many calories to eat that way, and, b) because tiny amounts of colostrum/early breast milk won’t do them any weight gain favors at this point—they’re so little that they cannot tolerate losing weight like most term babies can.
• Lu.cy sleeps like a rock in between feeds during the day. Because she is seriously NOCTURNAL! Come nighttime (her witching hour is about 10pm), she is inconsolable unless she’s in our arms. It’s absolutely adorable and wonderful to placate her with serious snuggle time, but it means we haven’t had much luck catching Zzzs.
• I’ve only slept a few hours since we got home on Wednesday. I’m going on pure love and adrenaline. I have never ever ever been happier than I am right now. We love our sweet little babies so so so much!

Two good eggs…

Introducing our sweet babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Baby A”
Charles William (Charlie)
4 pounds, 11 ounces
18 inches
born 3:23am, March 21

“Baby B”
Lucy Elizabeth
4 pounds, 10 ounces
18 inches
born 3:26am, March 21

They are sweet, sweet, sweet little babies and we love them so very much! We are the luckiest people in the world. 🙂 Thank you all so much for all of your love and support, it means the world to me.

35 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I felt safe moving more than a centimeter every few seconds, I’d be doing a ridiculous happy dance right now! YIP YIP YIP!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 Great job, sweet little babies! Great job, ute! Great job, cervie!

I feel like labor has to be very imminent. I am having a ton of snotty discharge, which is what happened when I went from 1cm to 3cm. And Baby A is giving me all sorts of crazy pelvic pressure. Most of the time I just can’t believe they are still in there, safely and happily hanging out and growing and getting bigger and stronger as my cervix opens up. I know this sounds crazy, but I worry about Baby A just popping out….I know, I’m nuts.

Bedrest is still my norm, though I have taken Dr. Zen’s advice and made one mellow outing each day since Monday. On Tuesday, hubs’s MIL flew in from out of town and the three of us went out to dinner. On Wednesday evening, she drove me to the salon for a haircut. Yesterday morning, she drove me to the dermatologist. IT WAS AMAZING TO BE OUTSIDE! Of course I always go right back to horizontal position as soon as I get home and the furthest I (slooooooowly) walked was from a curb to a chair at each outing. But still, it was awesome. She also did a ton of errands for us, which was so kind and has made me feel so much more “together” (Costco, Target, various returns I haven’t been able to do, etc). We are so lucky to have such wonderful Moms—I only wish they lived here instead of having to take plane trips to visit!

I know my updates are super-boring these days, and I’m sorry bloggies!! But this is my life, this is what consumes me: One more day, one more day, one more day.

33 weeks!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, my gosh: I am still here. 33 weeks. Thank you lord!

The contrax were pretty bad on Tuesday night….not painful, but scary because there were more than usual. Two thoughts kept running through my mind….either I am a) going into labor (FRACK!), or b) dilating like crazy (FRACK!). If it had gotten much worse I would’ve called the OB, but fortunately hubs rubbed my back, got me a big glass of water, and we watched my favorite bedrest show, Anthony Bordain’s No Reservations on the Travel Channel, until I was tired enough to fall asleep through the worry. They were bad again on Wednesday night but fortunately not as bad Tuesday night. And last night they were fine. (No jinxies!) If (if if if if if!!!) I can make it to my OB appointment on Monday, I am very fearful of what kind of damage (aka: dilation) those contrax have created. Eeeeeeeeeek. [Side note: Dr. Zen said contractions are more common at night—which is definitely when I get most of mine, between 7 and midnight—something about circadian rhythms, have others experienced this?]

But, I am still here! Thank you lord.

My Mom has been in town the past couple of days. We had to lay some very serious ground rules: NO TALKING ABOUT MY CERVIE OR UTE. Fortunately, she has not made the comments I feared she would. She did talk a fair amount about how QUICKLY all four of us kids came into the world….3 hours max from the start of labor. I admit it elevated my heart rate hearing about that and I think crazy thoughts like, Oh my gosh, what if I don’t realize it’s labor soon enough and I have the babies at home, they are too tiny to not have doctors helping them. I am so incredibly hyper-alert of every tensing, aching, contracting sensation—each one I experience is a little lesson in managing my fears. Zen zen zen zen.

I am working full-time from home via my laptop, but it’s been awesome having my Mom in the house with me. Boy do the days go by faster when I’m not totally isolated! She has also been working herself to the bone around the apartment, taking on all of the nesting projects I didn’t get to: cleaning out the drawers and cabinets in our kitchen and putting in new liners, putting up art in our hallway, hanging up art in the babies’ room, organizing all of the babies’ clothes and gear into dressers and drawers and bins. She finds new projects to delve into on her own….last night she cleaned up all of the dead leaves and winter muck off of our front porch! She also has done about a dozen loads of laundry. She is such a good egg and I am so appreciative of her help! 🙂

I am so so so so so grateful and happy to be 33 weeks. Thank you cervie, thank you ute, thank you sweet Baby A and Baby B. You are all doing SUCH an awesome job. Thank you lord, for letting us make it this far. Today is all I can think about. One more day, one more day, one more day.

32 weeks!!!!!!!

Thank you lord! Thank you lord! Thank you lord!

I went to the OB on Monday and was still completely effaced (cervical length = 0cm) with dilation hanging on at 1cm. I had lost 2 pounds over the week, which is crazy since I’d been laying down and eating plenty. (I think it was muscle mass. But, I’m at 26 pounds total weight gain now, must improve that number and fatten up those babies!) All in all, after feeling like I was going to puke with anxiety en route to the appointment, it went beautifully. The effacement thing hurts my heart, but there is nothing to be done about it.

I don’t know what today will bring, or if I will make it to Monday’s check-in at the OB. But I definitely celebrate how far we have come since Valentine’s Day….which feels like it was about a year ago. Of course, I feel like a ticking time bomb—labor could strike at any moment. But I am staying horizontal and hydrating and distracting myself as best I can.

We continue to hope and pray for one more day for the babies. All I can think about is today! We love you sweet little Baby A and Baby B.

PS Hugest congratulations to my dear friend, AplusB, who had her two beautiful, chubby baby girls last night!!! So very very very happy for her!

Multiples birthing class

We had part 1 of our multiples labor and delivery class last night. I have been totally, completely, weirdly excited for this class.

I felt so lucky to be in a class geared specifically toward multiples (there were even two triplet couples!). There were bellys of all sizes, women slumping in their chairs into more comfy positions, some ridiculously out-of-control belly rubbers (oh, my), the whole mix. When you’re having twins, you are at risk for a more complicated birth. For that reason, unmedicated births, water births—and all of those other beautiful birthing options I have seen so many bloggies write about—are not even on the table. It’s just too dangerous. As a twin Mom at my hospital, you get epidural-ed up (sans meds) as soon as you check in. This is in case—even if you’re planning a vag-birth—complications arise and an emergency c-section is necessary. I’ve never been to a singleton class, but I imagine there is a fair amount of time spent on unmedicated birthing and that sort of thing—we didn’t even go there.

I am perfectly okay with this. I mean, I am really really really hoping to be able to do a vaginal birth, but my #1 priority is that these babies are healthy. Not to suggest that’s not every woman’s priority, I just mean that I’m at peace with the lack of options.

We spent a lot of time talking about contractions, water breaking, and signs of pre-term labor. (So happy to learn all about this stuff!) I was really relieved to see that half of the women in the class, like me, did not know what contrax or BHs feel like. The nurse leading the lesson assured us that we’re allllll having them—at least every 30 to 90 minutes—but some women don’t have the physical symptoms that others have. (Isn’t it shocking I don’t have these symptoms!? Haha.) The other half of the women could very colorfully describe exactly what they feel whenever they have a contraction.

We spent some time discussing what happens in a vag-birth and even got to watch a couple of videos of actual twin births. (My sweet hubs did not have to leave the room like he did while I watched my National Geographic: Multiples In the Womb DVD a few months ago! I was very impressed.) All I have to say is…..whoooooa.

After the gory scenes, tears would well up in my eyes watching the babies make it out safe and sound. Obviously, I attended this class to prepare for birth and feel like this might actually be happening to us. On the other hand, I am still engulfed with this overwhelming feeling of REALLY?! Are we really going to be so lucky? Are we really going to meet these babies we love so much? Please lord, please let this work! Please let everything be okay!

Part 2 of the class is all about c-sections, taking care of infant twins and a (yip!) hospital tour.

I think a big thing for me all along has been finding a balance between the scary thinking and the positive thinking. Fact: Being pregnant with twins makes you high risk and sets you up for a plethora of complications. Fact: It’s important to know what those risks and complications and symptoms are so you can be prepared. Fact: Dwelling on these potential problems and reading about them online is horrible for my psyche. It takes me to dark and anxious places—it raises my delicate anxiety meter to an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10.

I try so hard to toe the line of “everything is going great!” and “everything can change at any moment!” Because they are both true. And I am so grateful to have this challenge. 30 weeks tomorrow.

Yip!

The nurse called to tell me about the results of my fasting and glucose bloodtests I took on Monday morning. Both were perfectly normal! No more blood tests for me! Yip yip yip!!!! She was unclear on whether this means I am no longer considered a GDer….as in, she didn’t know whether or not I need to keep following my special GD diet. She said to just keep up with it and I can discuss it with Dr. Zen at my next appointment.

Which is fine, I am perfectly okay with this new eating plan. But I will probably splurge on more milkshakes, since I want those babies growing nice and chubby and since I became OBSESSED with them the moment I got the initial GD news. (Haha.)

This has been an nutty, busy, stressful, looooong week of work—with a blizzard thrown in for good measure. Suddenly, my sleep went from bad-ish (waking every two hours to pee and think about the state of the world) to bad (not comfortable in any position, oddly achey legs that remind me of marathon training, weird heavy-ness in my lower ute that makes me panic-y-ish, can’t fall back to sleep unless my bladder is 100% empty, which honestly means getting up and peeing all.the.time, etc!)….which has not helped me power through the craziness at work. I am seriously like a beached whale flipping around in bed every night, poor poor hubs! But it is soooooo worth it for the sweet little babies to be comfie and growing big, strong and healthy in there. Sweet little babies.

I am SO HAPPY it’s Friday and that I got some good GD news to end the week. Yip for 29 weeks! Keep growing big and strong, Baby A and Baby B!! 🙂

Ahh, Dr. Zen

Alrighty, here is a big ‘ol 28 week update.

• I showed up for my 10am appointment having not eaten or drank anything since last night and they literally had no idea what kind of blood draw they were supposed to do with me, it was chaos for almost 45 minutes. I was like, PEOPLE! I would rather not beg you to draw my blood! I’m just following the OB’s orders! Whatever is going on, can I please just eat my breakfast?! They eventually sorted it out and we did my fasting blood draw and one-hour post-breakfast blood draw. The lab technician explained the confusion by saying, “It’s just so RARE we have people fail the 3-hour GTT.” Thanks dude. 🙂 I splurged on part of a milkshake AND a piece of apple pie on Saturday (with protein, promise!) so I hope that didn’t f- up my results. Oh well.
• The growth scan was awesome. Baby A (boy) is measuring 2 pounds 11 ounces and Baby B (girl) is measuring 2 pounds 9 ounces. Good good good job, sweet little babies! Keep growing big and strong!!!
• I got to see Dr. Zen for the first time since our 21 week anatomy scan! She is such a calm, soothing presence and is so honest and articulate. I really really really like her.
• Baby A is head down and Baby B is breech. Dr. Zen said that, barring the myriad complications that can happen at pretty much anytime now, she wants to do a vaginal delivery with me. This is my first choice, too, as I would like to experience labor. (I know, nutso.) I told her I would prefer the vag-delivery if I could have my druthers, but also that I am 100% comfortable doing whatever is best for the babies, whether that’s c-section or whatever.
• I can continue swimming, lifting, elliping, walking, working, sex, etc etc etc for as long as I feel up to it. Btw, I am not really feeling up to much these days. 🙂 Just sayin’.
• Dr. Zen said if I can make it to 36 weeks I’m going to be very big and uncomfortable and that she recommends working from home or working reduced hours, if possible. Unfort, that is NOT possible with my job. If I’m not at work, I’m not able to work. (Side note: I could maybe work from home on Mondays, this is something I’ve requested for post-maternity leave but my bosses are still thinking it over.) She understood the predicament and suggested I simply not take on any new projects starting at 36 weeks. (Oh, to make it to 36 weeks!)
• Because the twinsies’ feet are in about the same spot, I can’t differentiate movement from them individually. Dr. Zen said I should feel at least three bouts of movement a day.
• She did a manual cervie check and I’m long and closed. Phew.
• I gained one pound over two weeks, for a grand total of 23 pounds. This seems low to me, but Dr. Zen isn’t worried so I’m not going to be either. I was eating so weirdly for that week before I met with the R.D., I wonder if that’s to blame?
• We talked about Braxton Hicks. (Yes, I talk to EVERY doctor about BHs.) Leave it to Dr. Zen to finally make me understand them! She said, “You know when you get up from going to the bathroom and you have some tightness all over your stomach?” Yes, I do know that feeling. “Those are BHs.” So far, I don’t think I experience them much outside of the zillion and one times a day and night I go to the bathroom. We’ll see how long that lasts…
• What I do have: random shooting pains in my lady parts region. And random stabbing pains on the right or left side of my uterus. It is pretty cool that my body is doing weird stuff, and I try to focus on that and not panic! Sometimes at night I feel crampy-ish—like that heavy pre-period feeling—and it freaks me out because many bloggies describe the time right before labor in the same way. Again, zen zen zen zen. I am trying to trust that if something is wrong, or I’m going into labor, I will KNOW.
• Speaking of the bathroom, I’m seriously going a minimum of every 2 hours at night. It’s been like this for the past month. No wonder my right groin muscle kills from swinging it over my Snoog so much, this is what I’d call a chronic overuse injury.
• We’re scheduled to attend our first of two multiples birthing class on Wednesday night. Unfortunately, there’s a big blizzard heading straight for Chicago on Wednesday so I’m guessing it’ll get cancelled. Hopefully they will resked soon, we are now in the anything-can-happen–zone and I would really love to get this class in ASAP.
• I have not really blogged about it, but I am literally obsessed with the baby room we’re putting together.  Since we have not traveled or hosted guests the past two weekends, and since I’ve phased out all freelance work going forward, I’ve been able to make progress on all sorts of house projects on Saturdays and Sundays. It feels SO GOOD to cross some long-standing items off my long to-do list. Hubs is crazy-busy with some academic deadlines, but he’s a good egg and helps where he can. Stay tuned for deets.

It’s pretty crazy to be talking about labor and the baby room and ending work and all of that stuff. (Please let everything be okay!!) I am hoping and praying so hard that our sweet little babies keep growing big and strong and that I am able to keep them in as long as possible. So much is out of my control, I am going to just keep feeding them healthy foods, taking it easy when I can, resting as much as possible, exercising when I’m up to it, and working hard at work and at home to create the safest, happiest, most nurturing place possible for them when they are ready to meet hubs and me.

Keep on keeping on. Zen zen zen zen. Positive thinking. All of that good stuff!!!

The 3T!

In my year of treatment with Dr. C, Dr. K and Dr. Awesome, I could never ever imagine what it might feel like to be pregnant. We were trying everything under the sun to start our family, but I couldn’t picture it actually happening. Now that I am here…..at 28 weeks and in the third trimester (!!!)…..there seriously are no words…..oh, my gosh…..I am so lucky and so grateful for this miracle I’m experiencing and for these babies who hubs and I love so very very very much.

I am thinking of all of my bloggie friends who are still in the trenches and hoping so very hard that the end to your suffering and the answer to your dreams is just around the corner. Please lord!

As you all know, I’m not much of  a pic poster. But I’m including a smattering of images from the past six months—proof that this is really happening. Because it’s seriously on the verge of incomprehensible how incredibly lucky and blessed we are. Apologies for the fuzz-tastic quality, these were taken on my phone. I pray with my whole heart and every cell in my being that they continue to grow big, healthy and strong and that we meet these babies when the time is right! Grow, babies, grow! We love you.

One perfect gestational sac. My heart practically burst with love. Thank you, Dr. Awesome!!!

Suddenly two sacs! Freaked out, thanked the lord, flew to Oregon for a long-planned vaca with hubs.

Finished the day we found out about Baby A and Baby B on a beach together in beautiful Oregon.

12-ish weeks. About to go on an EZ jog.

22-ish weeks.

25-ish weeks.

28 weeks. Yeah, I pretty much live in lululemon Groove pants apres work.

We hung stockings for sweet Baby A and Baby B this Christmas. This is my iPhone background. 🙂 We love you so so so so much sweet babies!!!

Consult with the R.D.

Since I got the ‘ol GD diagnosis last Wednesday, I went crazy Googling and reaching out to women who had GD during pregnancy. And then I went a little crazy overhauling my diet….majorly cutting back on carbs and eating a lot more salads instead of sandwiches. The result: I have been hungry all week. Which I KNOW is not good for the babies, who need to grow big and strong!!!

Fortunately, what I was missing was some advice from an actual expert. I met with my clinic’s R.D. yesterday morning. I learned that I am seriously borderline…she was almost surprised my clinic sent me to her. But the rules about GD are becoming more stringent, and my clinic is dutifully applying their latest rules to people like me. (Women typically have to fail two of the blood draws to be diagnosed with GD, I failed one by less than 10 points…and I passed the fasting blood draw no problem…my OB and R.D. said that means I wouldn’t have been flagged had I done a traditional screening test that most clinics use.)

All of that said, I remain really grateful that my clinic is taking my results seriously. As bothersome as it might be to have to count carbs and stuff, I’d rather be safe than sorry. And who knows, once I begin my weekly blood draws (fasting level then breakfast at the doctor’s office, then another draw one hour later to see how my bod is dealing with glucose), maybe I’ll be failing left and right and we’ll all say SEEEEEE, the new rules are there for a reason!! But I’m hoping I can pass a few tests because then my clinic will just let me follow my new diet and go on my merry little non-blood draw way. 🙂

So here’s the gist….

• Carbs are NOT out, in fact, I should eat them at every meal and snack. But I need to count them and not exceed 175–200g in a day.
• I need to always eat protein with my carbs. So, instead of a plain apple, an apple with peanut butter smeared on it. Instead of a half a cupcake (yes! they are allowed!), a half a cupcake with a handful of nuts. Instead of my usual Cheerios for breakfast, a whole grain English muffin with an over-easy egg.
• I need to eat every 2–3.5 hours even if I’m not hungry.
• Exercise helps insulin do its job better (breaking down glucose so the body can use it efficiently). I’m adding back my morning calisthenics and weight lifting sessions in front of the Today Show, which I’d become soooo lazy on. It feels good! 🙂 And I’ll continue my weekend swims and EZ ellips sessions + upper body weight lifting.

That’s about it. We also talked about my uber-low iron levels, which haven’t improved since they came in so low at week 9—depsite the fact that I went on a daily iron supp and eat plenty of animal protein and leafy greens. My Mom and little sister have always had low-iron but I’m not sure about what my levels were like pre-pregnancy. Obviously, it’s nothing so bad that I was anemic or fatigued—I mean, I used to do marathons and half-ironman triathlons so I had the energy to train at a pretty intense level! The R.D. said iron levels are genetic and that even though my levels are “low,” they are clearly fine for my body. And the only I thing I care about—the health of the babies—is not in question: They get what they need from me. But, we’re splitting up when I take my supps to see if that makes a diff in how my bod absorbs it (iron and colace in the a.m., calcium + vitamin D, prenatie Rx and colace in the p.m.

I realize that I’m not having to do daily blood tests and insulin injections (and I really really really hope I don’t have to down the road!), but I want to put it out there that this is not the worst thing in the world. It was pretty cool to meet with a dietician who specializes in pregnancy. I got all sorts of cool info on calorie requirements for twinsie Moms and basic pregnancy nutrition advice. It’s stuff I wouldn’t have learned were it not for GD. Thanks, GD!

So, first blood draw on Monday. And that’s also the big monthly growth scan day. And I get to see Dr. Zen! (I’ve only met with her at 9 weeks and after the anatomy scan and I miss her.) For those who are counting, I am 27w5d. Inching toward the big 3T…please let everything continue to go smoothly and let our babies be perfect and healthy. Grow, sweet little babies, grow! I love you so much, I would do anything for you!