Zen-er

My poor hubs has dealt with my high-strung personality for more than 10 years. I get VEEEEEERY annoyed in traffic jams. I HAAAAATE it when flights are delayed and cancelled. I DESPIIIIIIISE being late to appointments/events/reservations/etc. When I spill something or break something, it’s freak-out city. My worst trait, I must admit, is my extreme impatience and tendency to make a mountain out of a mole hill. (As you can imagine, I was a real joy to be around during all of my IF treatments—especially with all of those dang cysts!!!) I don’t know why I’m this way, but I am.

But the babies have definitely helped soften that hard edge.

We flew to Florida for a week in the sun over the 4th of July. It was our second airport/plane extravaganza with the babies (who are now 3.5 months old!) and I must say that it went beautifully. There were hiccups, of course….

• I left their birth certificates at home and for the first time, the check-in dude asked for them. (It was fine.)
• Honey had a ginormous, sloppy, change-of-clothes-necessary poop-splosion during the first leg of our flight. (I am becoming a pro at diaper changes in airplane restrooms.)
• There was lightening in the area when we landed in Florida, so it took our baggage 1.5 hours to come out as the baggage guys had to wait for the lightening to pass before unloading the plane. (I thanked our lucky stars we were sitting in the airport and not on the plane! And I pumped in the ladies room.)
• Their fuzzy napping/bedtime schedules got all out of whack. (I did my best to preserve the sked, but took deep, laid-back breaths when it didn’t go exactly as I wanted it to go thanks to doting and meant-well-but-didn’t-totally-get-how-important-the-naps-and-bedtime-routine-are aunts, grandparents and uncle. The babies were little champs despite it all!)
• When we returned home, on a plane filled with babies, holding Champ, Honey, two bottles and two over-flowing diaper bags, our gate-checked stroller was the only one not to come up to the jetway. (We calmly, yet sternly, suggested the flight attendant go down and find it and he did!)
• Our car seats didn’t make it onto the baggage claim carousel at the end of the trip. (After an hour of waiting for them, I finally checked with baggage services and learned they had been dropped off in an area for oversized baggage that I’d never heard about. Score!)

These babies—and all of the adventures we have because of them—seem to really bring out the zen in me.

e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d.

Where have I been? I’ve been a busy busy bee with these two cuties. 

We had an AWESOME time at our college reunion last weekend. I’m going to do a whole separate post on traveling with newborns because I learned a ton from our adventure with our 9.5 week old babies. But the short version is: The babies rocked it and I am so so so so so glad that we went. I will treasure the memories forever and it was ridiculously surreal and wonderful to introduce Champ and Honey to our very best friends. Worth the exhaustion, for sure.

When we weren’t introducing our sweet little babies to friends, we were up late drinking beer and catching up with classmates we hadn’t seen in eons. It takes it out of you, drinking, talking for 15 hours a day, pumping (and dumping, blah) in dorm bathrooms….whew!

The morning after we got home, my Mom flew into town. It was her first visit since the babies were born and this one went a million times better. Never really got into that story on my blog, and I’m not going to, but suffice to say that hormones + sleep deprivation + my Mom’s anxiety about our little babies = not a great first visit.

We spent Tuesday shopping with the babies. Out to dinner (WITH THE BABIES) that night. More shopping on Wednesday. Then she watched the babies for us on Wednesday night while we went to a SUPER fancy dinner with some of our best friends from hubs’s graduate program, to celebrate their graduation. It was amazing and sooooo fun. But we got home after midnight and then were up every other hour with the babies. When the day officially begins at around 530am, a really late din takes a toll…

My Mom left Thursday night, then my three siblings arrived the next morning. The next three days were spent grilling out, going to an art fair, hanging in the apartment as a fam, dinner out (WITH THE BABIES!!), etc etc etc. Totally wonderful, but so tiring. Of course when it’s my family I shouldn’t feel pressure to be “on” and entertaining the entire time. But yet, I do. Because I want everyone to have fun, and I want to be a good host and a good daughter/sister, and the babies are up all night and so I just have felt like I’m barely staying afloat and basically it’s just been A LOT. You know?

In the midst of the visitors we were interviewing nannies and I called about a dozen references. Another post (always another post!) in itself. The great news is that (FINGERS CROSSED) we have stumbled upon an amazing woman and as heartbroken as I am about going back to work next month (crrrrrrrrry), I know the babies will be loved and nurtured and safe under the care of this person. Not the best time to be doing a nanny search (while we had visitors) but it had to happen that way as there is a lot of turnover with nannies in our ‘hood right now (professors and grad students leaving and their nannies becoming available) so we had to jump on meeting the best possible candidates.

Final reason for extreme fatigue: Our 11-week-old babies have not graduated beyond sleeping more than 3 hours at a time. Last night, I fed them at midnight, then hubs woke up with to a wailing Champ at 2 something but he wouldn’t eat. Then Honey woke up hungry as Hubs was putting Champ back to bed after changing his dipe, etc. Then Champ woke up hungry another hour later. And so on and so forth. We don’t sleep much. I seriously need half a pot of coffee every morning to make it through the day. Of course I am loving every second of maternity leave, but man, we are in a rough spell.

I’m not complaining. I adore caring for/doting upon/kissing/hugging/loving our beautiful babies and I love being with family and friends. I just need to say to someone besides hubs that I am tired. Like, bone-crushingly, my-stomach-hurts, how-can-I-keep-this-up tired. I treasure these moments with our babies when they are so young and sweet and little and the last thing I want to do is wish this precious time away…and yet I can’t help but dream of the days when they sleep more….

I am reallllllllllllllllllllllllly looking forward to a boring and mellow week on the home-front. Our next big airplane trip is for 4th of July and I think I’ll attempt gathering my strength until then! 🙂

Home again home again, jiggity jig

I survived the wedding weekend and the 40 hours away from Champ and Honey and hubs! It ended up being really fun, and I am SO HAPPY I was able to be there to support my friend and watch her take this huge step of marriage in her life. I did miss the babies constantly and I called/texted/emailed hubs a dozen times to check on them. I brought one of Champ’s swaddle blankets with me and cuddled up with it on the plane rides and at night so I could smell their sweet baby smell while I was away. And anytime a wedding guest asked if I had pics of the babies, I whipped out my phone and showed them a few of the three hundred pics I have saved on there of the babies. 🙂 Their ears must’ve been ringing alllllllll weekend long.

I realized that it’s been FOREVER since I was truly in a social setting. Hubs and I went out to dinner on February 13 (his brother was visiting) and then the next morning the pre-term labor stuff happened and I was put on bedrest for five weeks, and then the babies came and I’ve been a hermit who only leaves to take walks, etc. Of course we’ve had friends over to visit, and we went out to dinner on my bday last month, but I haven’t been ACTIVELY social in about three months. I walk around the hourse in my lulu pants and glasses. I live on coffee and granola bars. It felt like I was being released into the wild! A blow out! Make-up! Pictures! Dancing! Small talk with six other bridesmaids! Cocktail hour! A sit-down dinner! A seven-hour long wedding reception in which to meet new people and catch up with old friends!

I felt like I went from being a hermit to a social butterfly. It was crazy and overwhelming but actually completely wonderful.

And OH MY GOSH was it amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing to walk in our apartment door yesterday afternoon and to find my chubby babies waiting there. I felt like my heart was going to burst. We spent the ENTIRE afternoon snuggling and cuddling together in my bed. 🙂

I’m glad I got the social rust off, as we are heading to our 10-year college reunion in a couple of weeks. AHHHHHH!!!!! I reserve the right to change my mind, but the current plan is for all four of us to fly (!!!) to the East coast and set the babies up with hubs’s parents and spend the first night at their house. Then hubs and I will head to campus for a day and night sans babies. Then hubs’s parents will bring the babies up to campus on Saturday so we can introduce them to our friends. I actually ordered Honey a dress and Champ a polo shirt in our school colors, so I think this is really and truly happening.

If you had told me, when they were born at under 5 pounds, that we would be able to (physcially and emotionally!) take them on a plane trip at 10-weeks old and introduce them to our best college friends, I would’ve thought you were crazy. But their ped has given them 110% clearance to travel. And I think it’s going to happen….

So yeah, basically I have two weeks to try to get my body in a place I feel good about. Honestly? I just don’t have the time or energy to exercise and lift like I need to in order to get my figure back. And I eat even more these days (breastfeeding makes me super hungry) than when I was pregnant. It’s not a good time to diet. (Of course, I don’t really need ice cream at night, but that’s another story!) Being a couple months postpartum and seeing tons of peeps you haven’t seen in 10 years = not ideal timing. I’m going to do a post on recovery from bedrest and birth + exercise + eating, etc at another time. But these babies are (of course!!!!) worth this soft body with its ginormous boobs!!!

Recovering

{@ Pixo}

That bed looks so good to me right now! 🙂

Hubs and I have had a whirlwind fall and winter. It began with a trip home to KC at the end of October. The next weekend hubs’s brother and his brother’s wife came to visit. Then there was another trip home for Thanksgiving. Followed by a trip to NYC for a college friend’s wedding (and a lengthier-than-planned stay thanks to a snow storm in Chicago that made it impossible to get home). Then we had Christmas in Philly with hubs’s fam (and another blizzard on the east coast meant another longer-than-planned stay and a road trip down to DC to be able to fly home). Then it was back to KC the first weekend in January for the baby shower with my Mom’s girlfriends. And finally this weekend, I had a baby shower with my best girlfriends in Chicago. We had five guests in town…my bestie from college, my little sister, hubs’s little sister, and hubs’s brother and wife.

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t misunderstand, it has been SO AWESOME getting to see so much of our friends and family. I feel closer than ever to everyone in my life….and after being a hermit for more than a year thanks to the darkness that is IF, it feels really really good to feel practically like my old self again—in my relationships and general mood. The shower on Saturday was so fun…..most of my very best girlfriends, all in one room, showering our sweet Baby A and Baby B with love and gifts and support. It was wonderful. Lucky me, lucky babies!!!!!!

But, I must admit that I am somewhat exhausted. I was tired to my BONES for most of the weekend. (And sick, I have a legit cold! Wah wah wah.) These trips  and visits from out-of-towners have been AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING, but I am so so so so so so so so ready for a more chillaxed lifestyle that doesn’t involve airports, entertaining guests, going out to dinner every night and staying up talking with friends and family past midnight. When there are people to entertain or catch up with, I am really bad at going to bed when my body wants to, saying no to outings, and sitting down….!

It’s time for me to take it down a notch. Time for me to stop working so freaking late, to go to bed earlier, to cook in more, and to generally take it easier. We are not taking any more trips. We have no more visits from guests in the works. Time for me to CHILL!

I have a 27(ish) week check-up at the OB tomorrow. I hope and pray that everything looks great with the babies and that their little hearts are beating away and that they’ve grown bigger and stronger. Because I’ve been totally out of my routine and on my feet so much the past few days, I haven’t noticed much movement. And now that I’m back at work after the long weekend (and thus on my feet most of the day), I know I won’t get many chances during the day to feel the kicks that I love so very much. Plus, you guys know me….I get hyped-up for ever appointment. Hopefully the babies will bump around and give me some much-needed reassurance when I relax after din tonight….we may have to cook up some homemade pizza, which they seem to love just as much as I do. 🙂

Holiday happenings

A very belated HAPPY HOLIDAYS, bloggies! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, whatever you celebrate!!

I’ve been totally AWOL! First work was craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy before the holidays. Then we were in Philly for Christmas with hubs’s family and I forgot to pack my lappie’s power cord….so I had to ration my battery power to actually do work and not blog. (Sigh.) I read your posts from my phone but it’s impossible to comment that way so please forgive me for being behind in checking in with all of you! We got stuck in Philly with the crazy weekend snowstorm. (Ugh.) We ended up renting a car and driving down to DC yesterday because we couldn’t get a flight back to Chicago from Philly, all of the 12-hour trains from Philly to Chicago were full (!!) and we didn’t feel comfortable driving the 12 hours on winter highways….anyway, we finally made it home at midnight last night and I am so so so so so so happy to be here! Back to my comfie bed (no more fold-out couch!), my lovely Snoogle body pillow, my humidifier, my awesome shower with its amazing water pressure, my healthy breakfast options (no more bacon every morning!)….ahhhhhh, home, sweet home.

The babies got lot of loot this Christmas. 🙂 We got carseats and a travel crib from my parents. Hubs’s parents gave us a rocking chair for the nursery and some onesies. Hubs’s sister gave us a nursing pillow and stuffed animal and more onesies. Hubs’s brother gave us a flip video cam. And my sibs all went in together on a totally adorable night light for the nursery (above) that I would never have splurged on for myself but have been eyeing for 6 solid months.

Lucky us, lucky babies! And now for some random updates….

I am feeling good but big. I stopped jogging after the Turkey Trot with my fam over Thanksgiving and have been rotaing yoga DVDs, swimming and the elliptical a few times a week. Just getting to the gym is becoming more of an effort but it’s so worth it to get some exercise and feel like I’ve got a healthy routine in place. Hubs and I hit the gym a few times over the holidays and it not only felt good to move around, but it was also lovely to get some Zen, me time away from the house.

*****

Over the holiday weekend I had some discharge that freaked me out. It was more copious, yellow and a thicker consistency than the usual thin, white stuff I get. The next time I went to the bathroom there was some semi-solid discharge, about the size of a pea. Of course I used my phone to Google my findings and found scary stories about women losing their mucus plugs and going into premature labor. It was the day after Christmas and we were officially stuck with the snow so I opted not to call my doctor’s office, figuring they’d hear the fear in my voice and invite me into the office to get it checked out (which I couldn’t do). The discharge went right back to normal and I took it easy snuggling with hubs’s family’s dogs in front of the TV the rest of the weekend so I feel okay about it. But I’ll ask my OB about it when I go in for my growth scan next week. (Grow babies, groooooooow!)

*****

I also have my gestational diabetes test next week. Just this month my clinic eliminated the orange drink-blood test because they felt they were getting too many false positives. So they told me to scrap the orange glucose fluid they’d sent me home with in November and to come in for that 2nd test most folks only take if they fail the first one, after having fasted for 8 hours. I know twin Moms tend to develop gestational diabetes more often so we’ll see what happens…..at least I’ve had my fill of egg nog (gallons worth, seriously!) before I get the news!

*****

I rolled my ankle and fell again today. 😦 Hubs and I were walking some groceries into the apartment and I bit it as I crossed a small patch of snow to the sidewalk. WTF?!?!? I twisted my body and landed on the snow on my side, but it scared me again and I’ve got new bruises and my right ankle is swollen and blue again. (I felt them bumping a little bit after lunch so that made me feel better.) I guess that old saying that pregnant women lose their sense of balance/have looser joints is not a myth. I have been so careful, but I guess I need to take it up a few more notches!

*****

Between the weird discharge, the stress and fatigue of traveling and being stuck away from home due to the snowstorm, I’m starting to see why many clinics encourage preggos not to travel past 24 weeks. I have one more trip to KC for a shower with my Mom’s girlfriends the first week in January and that’s the end of airports for me. I am obviously so very very excited for this shower and to be home with my family again (three times from Oct 31 to Jan 7, that’s totally a record for us!), but the honest truth is that nothing sounds worse to me at this moment than traveling again in 9 days. I pray we don’t get stuck again and that it goes a lot more smoothly than our recent trips to NYC and Philly!!

Life on the bench

I have about one month to kill on the BCP-front. You’d think I would be freaking AWESOME at being benched because I’ve gotten so much practice over the past eight months. Well, not so much. It feels like I’m back in my freshman year of high school, and it’s the first time my basketball coach has moved me up for the Varsity game*. I’m absolutely scared to death, but sooooo ready to rock & roll. I’m dying for him to send me out onto the floor…I’m desperate to show him what I can do. If only I could just get into the game. Alas, this month, like that night, there is nothing I can do but wait. Here’s how I’m trying to distract myself this month…..

*Oh, and I might be a little hopped up on March Madness and the big game tonight. (Hey, I won one of the pools I was in…I picked Duke to win it all and had them meeting West Virginia in the Final Four! It doesn’t matter that it was completely random and that I had no idea what I was doing!)

Wednesday, April 7 – My (gulp) 31st birthday; hubs and I are going out for Mexican. Margaritas!!!

Friday, April 9 – Sunday, April 11 – My BIL’s wedding weekend in Florida with hubby’s family should keep me distracted! I’m bringing my tennis racquet and a stack of mags.

Monday, April 12 –  Our awesome-est work event of the year is tonight.

……this is a dead zone….gotta come up with something distracting…..

Tuesday, April 20 – Consult with Dr. K

Thursday, April 22 – Monitoring to check in on the cyst BEFORE I stop BCPs. (Go away, Scrappy!)

Friday, April 23 – Monday, April 26 – Spa trip with my Mom.

Thursday, April 28 –Sunday, May 2 – Fancy-pants wedding weekend in NYC.

Monday, May 3 – Come home to fluffy lining and a few phat-y follies…..HOPEFULLY!

Control, how I miss you

Today I feel more like myself than I have in a looooong while. I met some girlfriends for Mexican last night. I got up early and went running this morning. (YAY!) I wore my favorite red and yellow plaid shirt to work today. And I am SO excited for the weekend (even if I’ll be working from home for most of it…better than my office cube) and pretty thrilled I have Monday off work. It’s the little stuff, right?

I hope I can keep this happy vibe going!

This morning I got a ridiculously awesome invitation to take a work-related trip to California from February 13–15. On the one hand, it’s a SICK, pretty much once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me personally and professionally (not to be cryptic, but it involves meeting an Olympian!). On the other hand, I have no idea where I’ll be in my cycle at that point and I don’t want to be out of town when I need to be home in case of monitoring. Sigh. If push comes to shove between this once-in-a-lifetime opp and getting preggo….I choose getting preggo (er, trying to). And that feels weird…or wrong…or just stupid.

The plan is to be on five days of Provera starting January 28, which, if I cycle like last time, would make my period arrive on February 6. That should actually give me the all-clear for being away cycle days 8–10, since I don’t trigger until CD14. (That’s if I’m on Clomid, all bets are off if we rachet it up to injectables.)

But but BUT….I’ve tried controlling my cycle with Provera in the past and learned that it doesn’t really work. This is all complicated by some other upcoming trips that we DO have to take. It’s not just a matter of postponing baby-making for a month so I can go do my neato Cali trip, we could be in for several months in a row of bad timing due to travel, so I’m reluctant to let go of February. Hubs has his little bro’s bachelor weekend coming up (either end of Feb or mid-March). And then we’ll be at his wedding in April. We have FIVE, yes FIVE, more out-of-town weddings from April through July. Whether this Cali work trip is an actual option is not a sure thing at this point anyway, they’re just feeling people out. So we’ll see….I’ll cross the bridge if I do come to it.

Man, I miss the days when I had control over my schedule—no IF complicating everything.

And now to completely change the subject: Thank you all so much for your thoughts and comments on the HSG procedure; I really appreciate it. Sounds like it’ll either realllllly hurt, or it’ll be no biggie. 🙂 So just in case, I’m taking Thursday afternoon off work. Dr. C is actually doing the procedure, which the RE office says is unusual but great. Once I heard that I got excited about asking him some questions about my treatment plan before our consult….but A pointed out that I’m going to want to focus on my yoga breaths during the test, not chit chat about Clomid and my lining. 🙂 Fair enough! I’ll post the recap later next week.