It’s talk to Egg about your baby day…

I think I have a sign on me this very snowy morning that says “I would absolutely love to hear about your newborn/toddler/baby right now so please gush away!!”

On the elevator up to the office, a coworker with baby twins chatted me up rather suddenly. She wanted to explain why it is that she is so thrilled to be back at work. She’d spent the week off watching, feeding and playing with her twin babies and had been absolutely EXHAUSTED. Work is so much easier! Babies are so hard! I’m so lucky it’s just me and hubs!

As I settled into my desk, a coworker with a 19-month-old IMed me this out of the blue: “Q has sooo much personality these days. He climbs on chairs and couches every chance he gets. He keeps finding new ways to get into trouble but is so cute we can’t get too mad! I’m bringing him into the office soon!” That’s soooo cute! Great! I can’t wait to see him!

I walked to the break room for my third mug of coffee (more on that later) and my coworker with a four-month-old boy asked what we did for the holidays. “Flew home to Kansas City to see my parents and siblings, it was great!” I said, “How about you guys?” Instead of traveling to Boston like they do every year, they stayed in town for the first time EVER because they are “building their own family now.” Of course! Right! That’s so awesome!

Back at my desk, I clicked on my personal email account to find a blast from the past message from a former coworker. He was in the mood to talk about his toddler and to share some pics of her! Here is what HE had to say: “M is quite a little talker, it turns out – she’s not yet two and a half, and she’s totally verbal. The other day, she was enjoying a sucker, and she said, ‘This sucker feels warm in my tummy, daddy.’ Isn’t that funny? She loves all of the things a two-year-old should love – Elmo, Sesame Street, the various princesses, Olivia the pig, and so on. She kills me.” Oh, wow! Yes, so funny! That is so killer!!!!

I’m sorry, I’m being a total and complete JEEEEERK BAAAAALLLLLLL. All of these folks are AWESOME. I can understand why you’d gush about your baby, especially when you have cute holiday stories to share. I get it, because I want to gush about a baby I don’t even have! I don’t know, maybe it’s just in the water today. Maybe it’s because it’s snowing cats and dogs outside and they’re missing seeing their little cutie pies all bundled up? Or maybe it’s not about them at all, and it’s actually about ME BEING CRAZY-TOWN AND SUDDENLY NOTICING EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER HAS A BABY OR IS PREGNANT, EVEN CHARACTERS IN THE SEASON FOUR LOST RERUNS I’VE BEEN WATCHING LATELY?! Dunno. 🙂

Oh yeah, so I’m guzzling coffee again. Because my temp dropped all the way down to pre-ovulation levels today. Still no sign of my period, which is officially becoming annoying, but it’s just a matter of time. My luteal phase is already a day longer than it was on my last Clomid cycle, and that just proves the Rule of Egg: my body is stubbornly unpredictable. And to add injury to insult, because my RE’s office asked me to when I got my awesomely-misleading P4 results (just to me, of course), I took an HPT test this morning. We all know how that went down: BFN. Eh, whatever, it was not a crushing experience. I think the temping sorta prepares you for the blow, so you suffer little by little instead of getting punched in the stomach.

Down go the decorations

The holiday season is officially over in the Egg household. Wah wah wah. Last night after work I took down all of our ornaments, the cheerful carolers that sit atop our mantel, our Christmas tree coffee mugs, all of the holiday cards from friends (many with pics of newborns, natch) our nutmeg-scented candles and our beautiful tree. I boxed everything up and carried it all down to our storage room in the basement of our apartment building.

I wasn’t at all sad while doing it, but I did miss seeing the pretty white tree lights when I got out of bed this morning. (Have I mentioned I looove the holidays? :)) Still, it feels good to have a fresh start! It’s a new year filled with hope and optimism. Time to move on from 2009 and embrace 2010. Yip for 2010!

So, here’s the 2ww update. I’m 11DPO. My temps are looking good, but let’s be honest folks, temps look good until they look bad. 🙂 I have sworn myself off Google so my only connection to the world of TTC is via blogs (I’ve also been re-reading Al, Courtney and Kate’s 2ww posts). I’m seeing lots of women with 2ww symptoms. I, on the other hand, seem to perpetually be almost totally symptom-less with TTC stuff, from ovulation pain to period cramps. Any time I think I might have a tingly feeling in one of my breasts, it immediately goes away. It’s wishful thinking. And I know that. Fortunately, I haven’t been tormented by many phantom symptoms. Although hope bubbles to the surface here and there, I immediately try to quell it with realistic thoughts. My lining sucked. Why would this work? I’m not trying to be an Eyeore, I’m just bracing myself for what’s ahead.

I’m actively trying to be Zen and chill and whatever! this cycle and it’s mostly working. Although pregnancy thoughts whir in the back of my head 90% of the time, I’m pretty much not engaging them or allowing them to overcome me. I’m going about my day and breathing and doing my job and hanging with my hubs and cooking and cleaning and watching LOST DVDs and reading and smiling and sleeping soundly and seeing friends. I’m living my life.

The RE’s office asked me to take an HPT on Thursday, which is 13DPO. Last time I did Clomid (weak ovulation), my period came 12DPO (tomorrow). So who knows if I’ll even make it to Thursday and get to test. Then again, I haven’t had enough cycles to know what’s normal, so maybe I’ll get strung along for a few more days. Whew, Negative Nelly much?! I don’t feel “negative,” just realistic. I can’t help it: My defense mechanism is in full force as I approach crunch time. This is my first 2ww, since it’s the first time I’ve ovulated since TTC. It has been quite the experience! It feels like I’m some sort of wacky science experiment—physically and emotionally.

But, my chin is up and all is well. 🙂 And so, I wait!

Post-holiday update

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! I definitely did. For four days straight I did not think about preggers stuff AT ALL. Well, with the exception of hubs giving me the trigger shot at about 10pm on Christmas Eve night. He was such a champ! (If it worked, I should’ve ovulated sometime on Friday or Saturday…we’ve thoroughly enjoyed covered our bases and only had one, ahem, “day off” since CD9! ) We had a ton of snow in Kansas City and took full advantage of it by sledding after opening presents on Christmas Day. Ahhh, so fun. We also ate like KINGS for four days straight. Yum. 🙂 It was a really wonderful trip.

My work offices are closed this week and I am so excited to have a full week at home. Normally, we travel to both my in-laws’ and my parents’ homes at Christmas-time. This year, in an effort to save some moolah and cut down on the stress of traveling, we only went to my parents (we alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas each year). It definitely has reduced the blah-ness that is going back and forth from airports.

So what will I be doing with my week off? I plan to organize my closets and dresser drawers. I have three freelance projects to start. I need to clean out my files and book shelf. I want to hit yoga a few times. I’d love to go see some museum exhibits I’ve been meaning to get to. That ought to keep me pretty busy! Oh, and we are hosting our dear friends S and J who live in Texas on Monday and Wednesday nights. They are coming with their 17-month-old daughter, A. I am holding my breath just a bit, because I’m anxious S will announce that she’s preggo. I’m trying to mentally prepare for it.

Speaking of a mental test, I guess I am officially in my first-ever two week wait. That assumes the trigger shot worked, and I don’t know if it did, but it’s definitely the best shot I’ve had at ovulating since we started TTC. I forgot to temp this morning but yesterday it was only up SLIGHTLY. I’ll keep at it and see if I notice any shift. I really hope the 100mg Clomid plus Ovidrel worked and I finally ovulated.

A few of you guys have asked about starting Progesterone suppositories to thicken up my lining in the comments. The answer is no, I’m not on them. Dr. C doesn’t think a thin lining will make or break implantation and he opted not to prescribe anything. My Googling suggests otherwise, but there’s nothing I can do about it. So I’m hoping he’s right, and I have some sort of chance this cycle. But inside , to be totally honest, I’ve already written this one off. It just seems like a long-shot that my lining thickened up enough to support implantation from 3.2mm. My guess is that he will put me on Estrogen at the beginning of my next cycle. Which I’m hoping we can move right into, instead of having to sit a month out with another cyst. But this stuff is all out of my control, so I’m doing my best to put it out of my head!

Not a super exciting post, sorry bloggies, but I think I have a little case of post-holiday blues. I already miss my Mom!

The waiting game

Sooooo. While all of the other IF bloggies I read seem to be moving at warp speed (Clomid! Ultrasound! Ovidrel! Positive OPK! Progesterone spikes! 2ww!), my own journey is stuck in a bit of a rut. 🙂 I’m waiting for my period folks. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

The past couple of times I’ve taken Provera, my period showed up 36 and 48 hours after popping the last pill. So I’m already a bit behind schedule. (But me impatient? Never! Haha.) I finished up the Provera in the wee dawn hours of Monday morning. I had an acupuncture session yesterday. I was hoping I’d wake up to spotting this morning. No such luck!

Anway, I wish I had some awesome news to report. I was really hoping to be able to get into the RE for baseline tests (dum dum dum, is the cyst gone?) before the weekend. This cycle’s timeline is sensitive because I’d really like to do an IUI before leaving town on the 24th. I know that’s a silly thing to focus on and it’s not a huge deal if it doesn’t work out that way (heck, a month ago I was nervous about even DOING an IUI!). But still, after a month of sitting around doing nothing on the baby-making front, I am so raring to get this cycle up and running.

I know there’s still time, I’m just starting to get nervous. I’ve already done all the tricks (wear white undies, threaten taking an HPT), but my period is nowhere to be found. And so, I wait.

Workout update: I’ve been a little under the weather since the weekend so I was totally cool with taking Monday and Tuesday off working out. Today I rode my road bike in front of the Today Show for 45 minutes. Nothing crazy, just a mellow sweat session as it sleeted/snowed/looked like the North Pole out the window.

(pre) Nesting

I’ve heard friends talk about it and I’ve seen it on TV. Nesting. That internal urge of moms-to-be to create the safest, prettiest, most perfect home for their unborn baby.

Is it possible to start nesting BEFORE you’re even pregnant? That’s how I’ve felt this weekend! Hubs and I picked out a headboard while we were in Philly for Thanksgiving (gotta love the Black Friday sales). It’s something we’ve been talking about getting for more than SIX YEARS. But more pressing purchases and errands always, always, always come up and we’ve managed to avoid this essential, adult purchase for a very long time.

Return to start; repeat

Sometimes I wonder what I thought about before TTC. It’s really crazy. It’s kind of scary how many seconds, minutes, hours (eek, days?!) I’ve consumed with this stuff. I remember going off BC and sort of obsessively figuring out when I would ovulate that month (ha!), and then afterwards, Googling the heck out of things like “implantation cramping” and “early pregnancy discharge” and what have you.

I was convinced, when my period never showed up, that I was gloriously preggers! I remember going out to dinner with friends, about a week after I should’ve ovulated, and pretending to drink a beer…the whole time my heart was aflutter with the hope that I was pregnant, and I was only half-paying attention at dinner because I was thinking about how we’d take an HPT the next morning. We all know how that story ends. (Or rather, how it begins.)  I wasn’t pregnant. But that didn’t stop me from thinking I could be. Return to start; repeat.

“Let the roller coaster ride begin!”

That’s what I said to hubs at 8am this morning after I popped my first of seven Provera pills. Haha. Poor guy! Actually, I really hope it isn’t a roller coaster. 🙂 I’m hoping to stay Zen, avoid meltdowns and even develop some mild confidence as the days go by.

A quick note: Today’s Provera pill came a few days earlier than I initially planned. It’s the earliest day the RE nurse suggested I take it. I did this in the **hopes** that I can ovulate before the RE’s office closes for four days at Christmas. I just felt in my bones like it was the right time to get this cycle rolling. Who knows if my “gut” is right—I had a “gut” feeling about beginning an awesome cycle #2 of Clomid three weeks ago and that turned out to be wrong. But I’m over that!

In all honesty, I am feeling a little bit nervous. (Not meltdown-y or emotional, just, you know, a teenie bit anxious.) I have no idea when I’ll get my period. I have no idea if that cystie went away. (Three weeks ago, I was sure this December cycle would be a go, but now that I’ve earned a couple of Google credits toward my M.A. in ovarian cysts, I realize this is NOT a sure thing.) I have no idea if I can take Clomid this month. I have no idea, if I can take it, if it will work.

But here I am, my friends. 🙂 Hubs and I are taking the plunge!

Back to life, back to reality

Hello friends! I’m back from a nice long weekend in the Northeast. I hope everyone had awesome Thanksgivings! We had a couple of wonderful nights with hubs’ family and then we took the bus up to NYC and had a couple of awesome (and rather debaucherous) nights with our college buddies. It was a nice distraction and I must say, five days have never flown by so quickly!

Despite having some much-needed distraction from TTC land, I couldn’t quite escape the baby-maker within me.

Editing myself

I lived in the NYC for about five years after college. S, the girl who sat in the cube next to my hubs at his first job, turned out to be one of the coolest, most fun, smartest girls in that whole city. We hit it off immediately and hubs and I spent a lot of time with her and her equally awesome boyfriend. Even though she’s a year younger than I am, S has always been about two steps ahead of me. She and her boyfriend got engaged and then married a couple of years before hubs and me. Then, she and her hubs moved to the South. They were ready to start a new phase of life! Two years later, hubs and I finally did the same (except we moved to the Midwest). Then, they bought a home. (It took us a few more years and we’re in an apartment, but we do finally own a place!)

S and I have stayed in good touch and catch up as often as possible. One of the things S struggled with when she moved to into their new, beautiful home in a great neighborhood was that all of the neighbors already had kids or were pregnant. She felt too young for that and wasn’t READY! Oh how we career-girls bonded over wanting to wait a couple more years to get preggo.

Prickly prickly

Have I told you guys about the TTC Money Tree I have growing on my back porch? No? Well, I planted it back in September, about when I decided it was important to supplement my gym membership with yoga classes to chill me out on the baby-making front. And boy has the tree grown big and strong. (Another box of fancy-pants OPKs at Walgreens? No prob, I got it!)

Hahaha…

Here’s where this is going. I took some cash from the TTC Money Tree and tried acupuncture last week. And even worse (better?), now I believe in it. My hubs is a teensie bit shocked and appalled that a reasonable, skeptical, RE-going girl like me can actually be putting, um, eggs in this new basket.

I’d been contemplating acupuncture for a few months and found some studies supporting its fertility benefits: promoting healthy female hormones in the body and boosting blood flow to the uterus (click here , here and here for a few abstracts).

Finally, I tried it last Wednesday evening for the first time. My practitioner, Kristen, and talked for an hour about my TTC details and regular ‘ol history. I liked how many questions she asked, and I really liked how well-versed she was with medical terms and Western meds (even dose levels and lining measurements and stuff).

She seemed to glean all the weirdness that is me (I get numb hands and feet a lot, I’m usually cold—except at night when I’m usually hot, I have always had constipation issues, ETC). I changed into loungey pants and a loose button-up shirt and was ready to go. Then she put the needles in me (eeeek!)…in points along my ears, my left wrist, my feet, knees and three near my belly-button. I was scared. I clenched my eyes shut.