Last night I was at a work-related event outside of the office. I wore the same outfit I’ve been wearing to work for a few weeks: comfie black high-waisted jeans from Urban Outfitters, a flow-y blouse, and a cardigan. So I arrive and head over to greet a woman I work with pretty regularly who is hosting the event—we email often and make an effort to grab lunch together a couple of times a year. Okay, so as we are greeting each other she PUTS HER PALM ON MY STOMACH and says something like, “Ohhh! It’s so good to see you!”
I was SO taken off guard that I couldn’t even speak for a second. And we both turned bright red because she couldn’t believe she just did that and meanwhile I’m trying to pretend it didn’t happen. This woman works in PR so she’s a pro at awkward situations and after a minute of small talk she whispers to me, “That was so inappropriate. I cannot believe I just touched you, I am so sorry,” and then she says, “But I’m just so happy for you that you’re pregnant!”
I didn’t think I was showing. I mean, yeah, I’ve been wearing big tops and my comfiest jeans, but I thought I was totally concealing the general bloat situation. Not a bump.
Btw, she’s 15 weeks along with her second child so maybe she has an amazing-amazing pregnancy radar. Or maybe I am showing more than I think. Either way, I immediately swore her to secrecy because we haven’t told ANYONE—not even our best friends—and we aren’t going to until next week. I am SO nervous and anxious for the NT Scan/12 week check-up and I’m sickeningly anxious and basically counting down the seconds til we get to see if our babies kept growing over the past month and whether everything is okay. (Zen zen zen zen.)
So our convo ended gracefully-ish as another guy, who I know through work and haven’t seen since that 10-mile run over Memorial Day weekend, came by to say hello. And when we were alone he proceeded to say, “So, you’re expecting?”
Hey, at least he didn’t touch my stomach. Geeeeeeez. He must’ve overheard that first woman, right?
I was super super super awkward with him and just gave him a you’re-crazy-look and completely changed the subject. He kept trying to find out why I’m not running the Chicago Marathon, why I didn’t do any tris this summer, what race is next on my radar, etc. It was…..yeah…..awkward. Could I have told him the truth? Yeah….but I felt totally yuck telling this random dude when our close friends and my bosses don’t know. You know? Plus the truth is that I WAS traveling a lot this summer and have been running for the joy or running for a while now, thankyouverymuch.
And then I met up with hubs for a late dinner and told him about the weirdness and asked him the question that had been searing into my mind since the initial hand-on-stomach interaction: If these people I rarely see can tell something’s up, then SURELY my bosses and coworkers are speculating? Ugh! I don’t want anyone to know or even THINK about this until I’m ready to tell them. I don’t want people whispering, “Is she fat or is she pregnant?”
Hubs said that I have a way of “pooching out sometimes” and that work people “probably can tell.” [Geez, thanks a lot.] He then went on to reiterate what he always reiterates lately—that it’s not the babies at all, they are way too little for me to be showing, it’s POOP. [Again, thanks so much hubs. Geeeeez.] You know, because I have a pretty horrendous case of constie-ness that my daily ritual of water/exercise/prune juice/coffee/Metamucil/half-a-table of colace still has not resolved.
Anyway, it is what it is. Not a big deal. What will be will be. Etc. It’s very weird to admit, but the tiny piece of me that isn’t horrified at the though of work peeps knowing/wondering is celebrating that maybe—even though my boobs don’t hurt and I’m not puking and all of that stuff—my body really is changing and growing so much that it’s obvious to other people. I am appalled and overjoyed, at the same time.
But I do feel like I need to do a better job concealing my, ummm, “poop pooch” at work today, Monday and Tuesday.
Please let everything be okay with these amazing babies on Wednesday so I can tell people. Please, please, please, please, please. We love them SO MUCH and want them to be healthy and growing strong so very very very much.
Zen zen zen zen.