Deep breaths

I am back from a blissful, calming, lovely spa weekend with my Mom. I hiked, I ate healthfully, I lounged by the pool, I went to yoga classes and did all the other wonderful relax-y stuff you do when you’re not sitting in your cubicle, or your apartment, or your RE’s office. It was awesome and cathartic. My goal was to chillax and not think about IF for a few days and I mostly succeeded. I did not blog, I did not surf my fave blogs, I did not Tweet, I did not Google. But I did think about all of you; I couldn’t help it! And while I’m not a religious person, I was saying my own version of prayers for each of you, wherever you may be in this IF journey.

The coolest thing about the trip = the meditation classes I checked out. Meditation is pretty much the antithesis of me. I am constantly in motion….fidgeting, running around, always always always on to the next. I think it’s a manifestation of my worst quality: impatience. I was VERY uncomfortable during the meditation. You basically sit quietly and focus on your breath. The instructors were lovely and welcoming and assured me that whatever I felt or thought about was okay—I didn’t have to go “blank.” Good thing, because my mind would whir a million miles a minute, my heart would start pounding with the realization that I’d be sitting there doing nothing for an hour, and sometimes I would think I was on the verge of jumping up and leaving the room…I just couldn’t take the silence and stillness. Ummm, yeah, HELLO! Someone really NEEDS to meditate!

But, I am proud to say that I stuck it out and survived a few sessions (the guided ones went better for me). By the end of the weekend I found myself focusing on my breath whenever blah/scary/anxious/negative thoughts would show up. For example: I expected my period to arrive overnight on Sunday but on Monday morning it was nowhere to be found. Instead of panicking about how this might screw up my hopes of an injects cycle (I leave for a wedding in NYC—and a meet-up with SecretSloper!—on Thursday and need to get baseline monitored before that), I focused on breathing in deeply and exhaling. I did not freak out. I did not even mention to my Mom that I was running behind sked.

I know this sounds like a small thing, but for me it feels like progress. I was so encouraged that I even splurged on a meditation CD that I’m going to load onto my iTunes so I can keep the Zen going back home. I meant what I said in my post last week: I am working hard at not working hard this cycle. If you know what I mean. 🙂

Anyway, my period DID eventually show up yesterday. (It’s just as super-super-super faint as the Provera-induced period in March….I choose to believe that my body wants to hang onto what precious little lining I have for dear life!) Which means I go to baseline monitoring tomorrow. Hopefully I’m just a day away from getting off the bench. Deep. Breaths.



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18 responses to “Deep breaths

  1. Your weekend sounds excellent!!! I’m sorry about CD1, but I think you have a great outlook….onward and upward from here!

  2. Your weekend sounds AMAZING. I need to find a place like this to go to. I’m glad you enjoyed it and you had a chance to unwind. I’m sorry AF showed, but I hope everything is clear at your baseline u/s so you can get this next cycle started.

  3. Al

    Whoa, it sounds like an amazingly relaxing weekend. I think it’s great you were able to mediate and find some comfort in just clearing your head. I should probably give that a go as well…

    Hooray for CD1 and a new cycle. Let’s go injects!!

    And so jealous you get to meet Secret Sloper! Hope you two have a great time meeting face to face.

  4. Jin

    Fun! I have some relaxation stuff on my ipod as well. Though instead of the breathing, I do the body scan (focus on one part of the body at a time and let it relax until you go through your whole body) and the one where you picture yourself somewhere and you’re just exploring. As cheesy as it sounds, it really helps. Been doing mine since February and I can really tell a difference in my stress levels and outlook.

  5. I am SOOO excited for our meetup on Friday! (In fact, I’m just about to e-mail you some potential locations). That will definitely help keep the time passing for me these two weeks.

    Your weekend sounds amazing, and I’m glad you had that time to relax with your mom. I am also terrible at meditating. I find savasana one of the hardest yoga poses because I always have an itch on the end of my nose or antsy fingers and toes and a whirring mind. I am beyond impressed that you were able to channel your thoughts into an actually meditative frame of mind.

    I’m hoping this cycle gets off to a bang tomorrow 🙂

  6. It sounds like you had a wonderful time. I so would love a spa weekend….and meditation sounds wonderful. Tough, but wonderful. Best of luck with your monitoring appointment. I hope you get your orders to get off the bench!!

  7. Tarah

    I’m so glad you enjoyed your spa trip with your mom! What a nice break! I am going to take your advice to just breath – it’s simple but I honestly don’t think we do it enough. Thanks!

  8. Welcome home, Eggie! Deep breathing really does work wonders if you can pull it off (I totally suck at it…) I hope your baseline is so awesome that you are all empowered and jazzed and that you get to head off to NYC even more of a superwoman than you normally are! And that we get to see pictures of you in your stunning dress…

  9. So glad you had a fun and relaxing time. I hope you are off the bench soon!!! So excited for you to get started again.

  10. zully

    I’m so glad that you had such an awesome trip with your mom. I’m praying for you to be able to start tomorrow. BIG HUGS!!

  11. Yay for getting off the bench! Very excited for your upcoming cycle!

    (And double yay for spa weekend!)

  12. Jen

    That sounds like a fantastic weekend. Meditation is always really hard for me too. When I went to my first yoga class, I thought it was WAY too much breathing and “doing nothing” that I didn’t go to another one for years! I definitely appreciate what meditation has to offer, but I wish it was easier for me to get into the zone.

    Yay for being off the bench and moving on to injects!

  13. That weekend sounds amazing and I’m especially impressed at your meditation progress in only a few days. And all this calm right before the big monitoring day has got to be helping you. I will be thinking about you tomorrow!

  14. hollytraveling

    Sounds like a wonderful weekend, and yeah on the start of a new cycle. Your attitude, as always, is amazing.

  15. JC

    Good luck tomorrow!

    Your weekend sounds super fab and relaxing. Sounds perfect!

    Is the NY wedding the one you’re wearing the long gold dress to? Please take a pic in that one!! =)

  16. Sending you calming, meditative thoughts!!! I’m so proud of you!

  17. So glad you had a nice vacation and learned some new coping tools that will help you as you CYCLE! What a perfect end to your (way too long) time on the bench. You’re ready. Your body is ready and your mind is ready. Here you go!

  18. Sounds like such an amazing weekend, so glad you had such a great time!!! And at my last acupuncture she put on a “implantation” meditation CD and I totally loved it. Truthfully I feel asleep for most of it…but she kept saying to breathe in the peace, and breath out the worry…which now has become my new mantra when I’m freaking!!! You are so ready for this cycle, and I know you’re gonna rock it!!

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