This too shall pass

Oh, hi. 🙂

It’s been for-evah. Ay yi yi yi yi yiiii! Lots and lots of love to my all of my bloggie friends, I’ve been reading on the bus to and from work, but have been 200% sucking at commenting with my current schedule.

I come seeking positive vibes. My hubs is proposing his dissertation today and I want him to be pleased with its reception so very badly.

In case you are keeping track, this is the dissertation he put off proposing last fall, right after we found out we were pregnant (thank you lord!) with our sweet little babies. At the time, he didn’t feel awesome about the state of the paper, and he felt—and was advised—that another year to come at it from a different angle, with added data, would help his job market prospects. (In retrospect, we have learned  he would never “feel awesome” about the state of this paper. Le sigh.)

It’s quite the understatement when I say that it was tough news last fall, because it meant yet another year of living on just my income—except with two babies to feed and clothe, too. It also meant there was no option of me not going back to work after the babies arrived.

I think we’ve done our very best, given the circumstances. I freelanced like mad before the babies arrived. He worked hard on his research, and took on a new research project in the meantime to account for the extra year he’d be spending working toward his PhD.

But lately, it has gotten so hard. Let me preface this by saying that I 7000000% know these are GOOD WONDERFUL AMAZING problems to have, and I am incredibly lucky to have them. But here’s the vent session. Hubs has been working on his paper constantly since I went back to work in July. The tough thing about this period in his life—and I have such super-duper respect for all of you academic bloggies out there, who have these pressures—is that he never gets to “turn off” his work. It is always there, always hanging over him. There is always something else to do on this dissie. A new set of data to consider or crunch. Calling it all-consuming would not be an exaggeration. He works all weekend, every weekend. He stays up until 4am, every night. He is OVER it. Sick and tired of this paper. Stressed. Burnt out. Tired. Blah. Nervous. On edge. Irritable. Ready for the next thing. (Hopefully, working.) But it’s not over yet.

The problem is that this means 99.9% of the childcare falls to me, when I’m not at work. I wake up with the babies at dawn every morning (since hubs has just turned in for his night of a few hours of sleep!), feed them, play with them, prep them for their morning naps, prep the day’s bottles, do dishes, laundry, then rush to get myself ready for work and out the door. (Weekday mornings became soooo hectic that I finally threw in the towel on pumping once the babies turned 6-months old, sniff, and now that they are three days away from being 7-months-old, I have officially weaned them and my formerly-ridiculously-ginormous-and-now-normal-size boobs.) I spend every moment of every weekend with them….do all of the bottles and solid food feedings and diaper changes and outdoor adventures and naps and bathtimes and bedtimes. The babies are my charge, and it can be overwhelming and exhausting. Obviously I love every moment with them, and they are beyond fun and cuddly and miraculous in every way, but it’s also hard.

Side note: I am stuck on percentages lately. I use them 50% too much. Haha.

Plus, I just miss spending time with hubs and wish he could be with the babies more because they are freaking awesome. 🙂 I know he wishes he could, too. And I wish I could be a bigger support to him. His research is TOTALLY over my head and so all I can do is check in (but not, you know, TOO often), listen (though he rarely wants to talk about this) and tell him the truth: I believe in him and we will get through whatever happens.

I feel a little helpless and frazzled and feel no right to whine about it and have no place to take my angst…. newborn twins + full-time job + a PhD candidate husband in his final year = no one understands.

Okay, rant over.  I know it’s a temporary thing. Another six-ish weeks of insanity as he takes today’s feedback into account and preps his applications. Then—hopefully—things will settle down a bit. Or, at least, settle into a different type of stress (him traveling for interviews—please lord—and both of us praying a job offer comes through). And hopefullyhopefullyhopefully he will be gainfully employed in several more months.

So any good vibes would be awesome.

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “This too shall pass

  1. I’m so glad to see a post from you! This sounds like such a bitter sweet time. I honestly was exhausted just reading about it so I can only imagine how you feel. I’m glad you’re back to vent a little. That’s what the blog is for. Hang in there and no that this too shall pass (or something deep like that). 🙂

  2. I mean KNOW not NO. 🙂

  3. Girlfriend!! I am sending Hubs all my best! You’ve been on my mind and I figured you must be insanely busy with the babies and work. Hang in there!!

  4. your percentages are hilarious! and what you’re doing (work + babies) is really impressive. wow, I feel like a lazy bones 🙂

    good luck with his job search!

  5. 1. It is TOTALLY valid to come here to vent. Or to vent at all. You’re dealing with a lot. A lot of people vent about a lot less 🙂

    2. Second, pat yourself on the back. You are doing AWESOME. Beyond awesome. You are such a stellar mom and those babies and your husband are so, so, so lucky to have you in their lives. I’m sure they know it, too, but it’s not always said often enough.

    3. This WILL pass. 6 weeks is a blink. Today’s problems will turn into tomorrow’s problems, and though you’ll never be problem-free, I guarantee this will not be what you have to vent about in 6 months. And that’s a GOOD thing! You are on the verge of another great adventure. Breathe it in, try to enjoy despite the craziness, and allow things to change.

  6. lady pumpkin

    Vibetyvibevibevibe! This too shall absolutely pass, but it sounds totally stressful! Hoping everything goes beautifully today and sets your family on the path to dual-incomehood. xoxo

  7. AL

    So good to see a post from you, friend! I miss you! how about a pic of those beautiful babes?!

    I’m sorry that things are rough and so much is falling on you right now. I wish that you got more of a break, it’s like you’re a single mom of twins :-(. Six more weeks – that will pass in the blink of an eye. Though I’m sure these will be the most intense weeks as he tries to cram more and more in before the due date.

    Thinking of you and can’t wait til the parenting is a bit more even in the Egg household.

  8. Tio

    Oh my god, I don’t know how you do it. You must both be so, so exhausted. You have every right to complain. You are clearly very grateful for what you have, but exhaustion is exhaustion and it’s hard! Sometimes a bit of complaining is just what you need to do. I hope the next 6 weeks go quickly (and successfully!)

  9. FCblacksheep

    Oh dear, you sound nothing short of super woman these days. And are you kidding me about being worried about venting? Do you know how many women would be whining up a storm and wouldn’t be nearly as supportive and dedicated as you’ve been? When hubs gets a job he owes you a spa day tough. In the meantime, I’m sending him every positive vibe I have!! And wishing you all my best. What an awesome mommy and wife you are!

  10. I have missed you and feel cheated there are no honey and champ photos that accompany this post. It all sounds very full on and it is ok to say so (don’t worry we wont infertile bash you). I hope that the hubs finishes soon, gets a kick arse job that means you only have to work a few days at work and the rest with your babies and him together. Spa day tho. Yip I agree with Toni!

  11. Egg, what a challenge! This must be so frustrating for both you and Hubs. I imagine you are utterly exhausted. You’re basically working three full-time jobs right now (because if one baby is a full-time job, two are more than I can even imagine). I hope he passes his defense with flying colors and is able to move the eff on from the diss. Balancing academia and parenthood sound so, so hard. I guess you really need to be an awesome team to get it done, which it sounds like you are.

    Hang in there, Egg! Just a little while longer and you can share some more of these duties. I’m thinking of you, friend.

  12. It’s so good to see a post from you! I agree that we need some pictures of those beautiful babies.

    I hope they give him ALL POSITIVE feedback, so that not much revision is necessary. I had to cringe when you wrote that your husband would never ‘feel awesome’ about his paper. I’ve been there. It hurts when you think about the extra investment that you put in to make it awesome, and it didn’t pan out. BUT I am hoping that all this time and effort will make his committee think that his work is awesome, even if he doesn’t. Fingers tightly crossed!!!

    As for all the work you’re doing, I CAN’T imagine. Have you stopped showering? I think I would have by now!! I hope that you can go to part time for a while after your husband gets a job. You deserve it!

  13. I TOTALLY feel your pain and am sending good vibes your way. My DH was a PhD student in Evo Ecology for a long time. He had such a hard time getting interest (from others) in his project and finding funding that he just recently switched gears and now is in school (still) to become a PA. Total switch, hopefully for the best, but I have all the same issues as you (except not twins, but 2 kids). It is HARD! good luck

  14. Mara

    Wow, Egg. You have about 150% more on your plate than I do, and I … cannot even imagine that. 🙂

    So glad to hear an update! Would love to see a new pic of the babies when you have time!! Definitely sending good vibes your way!!

  15. Hello Egg…you’ve been missed! I can’t believe the babies are almost 7 months old. Where has the time gone?!?!?! It sounds like you are coping amazingly well with the babies, the job and hubs insane hours. Keep reminding yourself that there is an end in sight. In the meantime, keep cuddling, kissing and loving your two sweet munchkins:)

  16. Stay positive!! It’s almost over, you can do it 🙂 Sending prayers and good vibes to you and your beautiful family. I’ll be thinking of you.

  17. Sienna

    Yes, pics pls! I cannot imagine at all, given how hard your hubs has been working, that he isnt gonna land an awesome job. I hope the time passes quickly and painlessly until he has an offer and you guys can spend more time together. Xoxo.

  18. Debbie

    I totally hear ya on this situation. I recently did a similar post…although you have a much better attitude than I do : ) So glad there is an end in sight…wishing you lots of luck!! PS – would love to hear how the kiddos are doing!

  19. charandjesse

    What an amazing wife and mother you are! You accomplish tasks of Herculean efforts on a daily basis. You are the working mother of twins.

    We’ve got three 2 and under with one parent working and in school full time and one parent running a small business, in school and taking care of the babes. It get’s better. And soon your babes will be interested in the wonder that is Elmo :). Go ahead, set them down for 27 minutes and sit outside with a glass of wine, you’ve earned it.

  20. I’m sending you good vibes even if it’s like a month late. Luckily that means that at this point you hopefully have just another couple weeks to go until the hubs is through this big push. I’m sure you’ll be so glad not only to have a husband again but also to have some help with those gorgeous babes (photos, please!!). Hugs.

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