(pre) Nesting

I’ve heard friends talk about it and I’ve seen it on TV. Nesting. That internal urge of moms-to-be to create the safest, prettiest, most perfect home for their unborn baby.

Is it possible to start nesting BEFORE you’re even pregnant? That’s how I’ve felt this weekend! Hubs and I picked out a headboard while we were in Philly for Thanksgiving (gotta love the Black Friday sales). It’s something we’ve been talking about getting for more than SIX YEARS. But more pressing purchases and errands always, always, always come up and we’ve managed to avoid this essential, adult purchase for a very long time.

Return to start; repeat

Sometimes I wonder what I thought about before TTC. It’s really crazy. It’s kind of scary how many seconds, minutes, hours (eek, days?!) I’ve consumed with this stuff. I remember going off BC and sort of obsessively figuring out when I would ovulate that month (ha!), and then afterwards, Googling the heck out of things like “implantation cramping” and “early pregnancy discharge” and what have you.

I was convinced, when my period never showed up, that I was gloriously preggers! I remember going out to dinner with friends, about a week after I should’ve ovulated, and pretending to drink a beer…the whole time my heart was aflutter with the hope that I was pregnant, and I was only half-paying attention at dinner because I was thinking about how we’d take an HPT the next morning. We all know how that story ends. (Or rather, how it begins.)  I wasn’t pregnant. But that didn’t stop me from thinking I could be. Return to start; repeat.

Heating up

Happy Thursday everyone, how’s it going? Did you survive Hump Day without incident? I hope so! Looking forward to the weekend already? I am! We have a lot on tap and I have NO WORK to do (knock on wood) so it should be a super duper good one.

I’m on day three of Provera and feeling just fine (thanks for asking!). I started temping about a week ago and the past two days my temps have spiked uber-high. This morning, I nearly fell off the bed when I saw how high it was! Some quick Googling assured me that 1) no, this is not a fluke that my temps are suddenly up, and 2) no, I didn’t magically ovulate right before beginning the medicine—the Progesterone is literally causing that spike, just like it does after ovulation (something I have yet to experience, obviously!).

Good mood, holiday happy and working out

Update on Provera! Two down, five to go. Zero side effects so far, unless you count feeling calm and happy a side effect?!

Last night I got home from work on the early side and set to work making a butternut squash soup from scratch with a side of brussels sprouts (I’ve been eating so many brussels lately that I wouldn’t be surprised if I turn into one!!). While the soup was simmering, I headed into the living room to wrap lights around our tree and begin hanging ornaments. I also took out our caroler figurines and put them on the mantel, set out our nutmeg-scented candles and ran the holiday mugs through the dishwasher so I can sip coffee out of them every morning for the next month. Yay!!!!!

“Let the roller coaster ride begin!”

That’s what I said to hubs at 8am this morning after I popped my first of seven Provera pills. Haha. Poor guy! Actually, I really hope it isn’t a roller coaster. I’m hoping to stay Zen, avoid meltdowns and even develop some mild confidence as the days go by.

A quick note: Today’s Provera pill came a few days earlier than I initially planned. It’s the earliest day the RE nurse suggested I take it. I did this in the **hopes** that I can ovulate before the RE’s office closes for four days at Christmas. I just felt in my bones like it was the right time to get this cycle rolling. Who knows if my “gut” is right—I had a “gut” feeling about beginning an awesome cycle #2 of Clomid three weeks ago and that turned out to be wrong. But I’m over that!

In all honesty, I am feeling a little bit nervous. (Not meltdown-y or emotional, just, you know, a teenie bit anxious.) I have no idea when I’ll get my period. I have no idea if that cystie went away. (Three weeks ago, I was sure this December cycle would be a go, but now that I’ve earned a couple of Google credits toward my M.A. in ovarian cysts, I realize this is NOT a sure thing.) I have no idea if I can take Clomid this month. I have no idea, if I can take it, if it will work.

But here I am, my friends. Hubs and I are taking the plunge!

Back to life, back to reality

Hello friends! I’m back from a nice long weekend in the Northeast. I hope everyone had awesome Thanksgivings! We had a couple of wonderful nights with hubs’ family and then we took the bus up to NYC and had a couple of awesome (and rather debaucherous) nights with our college buddies. It was a nice distraction and I must say, five days have never flown by so quickly!

Despite having some much-needed distraction from TTC land, I couldn’t quite escape the baby-maker within me.

It’s good to feel good!

It is pretty darn strange that though we are all far apart living our own lives, hanging with our own friends, hugging our own families, chilling with our own hubby’s, I feel totally and completely connected to all of you. I mean, it’s getting WEIRD. I woke up a little giddy this morning because I knew Courtney at RWT and Kate at This Place were finding out whether they got those long-awaited, hopelessly hoped-for BFPs. I couldn’t wait to check their blogs. I checked before I even poured a mug of coffee for myself. This is major stuff!!

They got their BFPs!!!!!!

It’s also weird how it can tug at my heart when my friend talks about getting preggo like it’s nothing, but then I can feel pure, straight-up, 110% joy for my cyberspace buddies. I think it’s because we all know how  emotional and scary and stressful this whole TTC thing is. We’re in a secret club of women for whom pregnancy isn’t “no biggie” but a complicated process. Do you know what I mean? When one of us hits the jackpot, we all feel like celebrating. I don’t feel jealous. I don’t feel sad. I feel good. I feel HAPPY!

Now, all of that said, I have to be honest. After I happy-danced for Kate and Courtney, I sorta had a freak-out moment. Because lurking behind all of my joy and excitement, I felt this teenie tiny sense of fear. (Darnit, fear!) What if my body isn’t as lucky as theirs were? What if Clomid and IUI don’t work for me? What if my cyst doesn’t go away? What if, what if, what IF?

I know those are negative thoughts and I’ve already sailed them on their way in favor of more positive ones (Clomid 50mg did something for me so 100mg should be even better, I get to do IUI next month so all the big guns will be in play, most small cysts go away on their own and since I’m not producing hormones mine should, too). DEEP YOGA BREATHS!

By the time I’d showered up and gotten into work , I was thinking this: I am thankful we got two BFPs in our little family of fighters today. It brings me a rather appalling amount of joy and happiness. (What can I say? You guys rock!!!) And I am thankful because it gives me hope.   Screw you FEAR, today, hope wins!! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!!

Editing myself

I lived in the NYC for about five years after college. S, the girl who sat in the cube next to my hubs at his first job, turned out to be one of the coolest, most fun, smartest girls in that whole city. We hit it off immediately and hubs and I spent a lot of time with her and her equally awesome boyfriend. Even though she’s a year younger than I am, S has always been about two steps ahead of me. She and her boyfriend got engaged and then married a couple of years before hubs and me. Then, she and her hubs moved to the South. They were ready to start a new phase of life! Two years later, hubs and I finally did the same (except we moved to the Midwest). Then, they bought a home. (It took us a few more years and we’re in an apartment, but we do finally own a place!)

S and I have stayed in good touch and catch up as often as possible. One of the things S struggled with when she moved to into their new, beautiful home in a great neighborhood was that all of the neighbors already had kids or were pregnant. She felt too young for that and wasn’t READY! Oh how we career-girls bonded over wanting to wait a couple more years to get preggo.

Getting geared up for Thanksgiving

Cooking has always been something my hubs and I love to do, but for years I’ve been more of a sous chef while he’s the man in charge. Well, lately, I’ve been bananas for finding recipes and cooking them all by myself. I’m finding it very therapeutic. (Hubs loves this because he comes home and plays his computer game to unwind while I dash around the kitchen!) I think this intensified penchant for cooking has something to do with the fact that I’m spending less time at the gym, but whatever the reason, I’m rolling with it.

On Tuesday night, I baked a pumpkin pie after work! It was a trial run for the one I’ll be baking on Thanksgiving at my in-laws. (I’m also making a pecan pie…and hubs is doing grilled brussels sprouts and sweet potato hash with sage.) Normally, I’d just whip up the recipe on the back of the Libby’s can. But this year I wanted to go all real-deal and so I used pumpkin puree, yams, maple syrup, fresh ginger, fresh-grated nutmeg and cinnamon stick, etc. I’m pasting the recipe below. Mmm. It’s tasty, friends. If you want to be an overachiever, you can make your own crust, too (no crust recipe here as I’m still sleuthing down a fabulous one). I’m actually debating whether or not to do that myself…

PUMPKIN PIE

(from the November 2008 issue of Cook’s Illustrated)

Filling
1	cup heavy cream
1	cup whole milk
3	large eggs plus 2 large yolks
1	teaspoon vanilla extract
1	(15-ounce) can pumpkin puree
1	cup drained candied yams from 15-ounce can (see note)
3/4	cup sugar
1/4	cup maple syrup
2	teaspoons grated fresh ginger
1/2	teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4	teaspoon ground nutmeg
1	teaspoon salt

1. While pie shell is baking, whisk cream, milk, eggs, yolks, and vanilla together in medium bowl. Combine pumpkin puree, yams, sugar, maple syrup, ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in large heavy-bottomed saucepan; bring to sputtering simmer over medium heat, 5 to 7 minutes. Continue to simmer pumpkin mixture, stirring constantly and mashing yams against sides of pot, until thick and shiny, 10 to 15 minutes.
2. Remove pan from heat and whisk in cream mixture until fully incorporated. Strain mixture through fine-mesh strainer set over medium bowl, using back of ladle or spatula to press solids through strainer. Rewhisk mixture and transfer to warm prebaked pie shell. Return pie plate with baking sheet to oven and bake pie for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 300 degrees and continue baking until edges of pie are set (instant-read thermometer inserted in center registers 175 degrees), 20 to 35 minutes longer. Transfer pie to wire rack and cool to room temperature, 2 to 3 hours. Cut into wedges and serve.

Prickly prickly

Have I told you guys about the TTC Money Tree I have growing on my back porch? No? Well, I planted it back in September, about when I decided it was important to supplement my gym membership with yoga classes to chill me out on the baby-making front. And boy has the tree grown big and strong. (Another box of fancy-pants OPKs at Walgreens? No prob, I got it!)

Hahaha…

Here’s where this is going. I took some cash from the TTC Money Tree and tried acupuncture last week. And even worse (better?), now I believe in it. My hubs is a teensie bit shocked and appalled that a reasonable, skeptical, RE-going girl like me can actually be putting, um, eggs in this new basket.

I’d been contemplating acupuncture for a few months and found some studies supporting its fertility benefits: promoting healthy female hormones in the body and boosting blood flow to the uterus (click here , here and here for a few abstracts).

Finally, I tried it last Wednesday evening for the first time. My practitioner, Kristen, and talked for an hour about my TTC details and regular ‘ol history. I liked how many questions she asked, and I really liked how well-versed she was with medical terms and Western meds (even dose levels and lining measurements and stuff).

She seemed to glean all the weirdness that is me (I get numb hands and feet a lot, I’m usually cold—except at night when I’m usually hot, I have always had constipation issues, ETC). I changed into loungey pants and a loose button-up shirt and was ready to go. Then she put the needles in me (eeeek!)…in points along my ears, my left wrist, my feet, knees and three near my belly-button. I was scared. I clenched my eyes shut.